Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
I won't bore you with tales from half a centuries worth of mostly disaster. My bet is, if were here, no real explanation is required.
I gained an inkling about 3 years ago that I might be on the spectrum. Everything I read about Asperger's, I was pretty much reading about myself and my own personality. I received the "official" diagnoses about 6 months ago. Relief, I'm not mad or bad, just different.
Now here is my problem (or is it one?). I really don't like being around people. For 30 odd years I've worked at the pointy end of IT support, at the level 'if I can't fix it, it can't be fixed'. Of course this means you are constantly in demand. Until recently I did not realise just how much stress and anxiety this was causing me. Pretending to be like everybody else, when I knew inside that I wasn't.
I did have a serious meltdown just over a year ago. Walked away from my career, have very limited contact with the few people I know and trust, no family that means anything to me, and for this last year I think I've made a hermit look extrovert. Thing is, I feel perfectly happy and at peace for probably the fist time in my life. I do feel vaguely guilty sometime, perhaps I should make more of an effort?
Anybodies/Everybody's thoughts and opinions would be very welcome, because I'm just lost
Since being diagnosed I've realised that making myself more comfortable and not constantly battling my condition is not selfish or something I should feel guilty about. In fact the opposite. The people I do interact with when I can handle it say I'm far more calm and happy. Sometimes putting ourselves first is a better solution for everyone. Only make the effort when you can handle it and it's worthwhile. You are being honest with yourself and everyone else.