Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all, my first post. I'm 55 and was diagnosed with a SpLD (Dyspraxia) in 2003, but it never fit. My daughter has been diagnosed with Aspies and me too just recently. It's helped a lot, but doesn't stop the pain. I had a meltdown today. I was trying to get my pigheaded colleague to authorise something but he kept throwing it back at me telling me things I already knew and what I should be doing but he didn't give me what I needed. The crazy thing is, I've been doing the job for about 3 years and him only a few months, so he's treating me like I don't know anything just because he's a senior grade. I couldn't get him to see logic. This isn't the first time and I know he doesn't respect me. I had a meltdown and couldn't stop. It's like acid brain and there's little me inside watching the tears and frustration, sobbing in the ladies' loos, and I have no control. I made my lovely boss cry as I told her to go away when she was just trying to help. I could her an upset wobble in her voice but I couldn't stop. I feel so guilty and devastated. I just want to curl up and sleep afterwards but, even if I could, I feel so ashamed afterwards I can't settle. I feel, even though I was justified in getting deeply frustrated with the lack of logic, it was still my fault I hurt people. Does this happen to you?
Alexandra
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Daily, I avoid people because I can't ever gauge exactly what they mean with certainty, I upset people so easily but that is so against my wishes that I frequently feel more upset about what pain I may have caused than the person to whom I am supposed to have caused it.
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I'm familiar with that. When I offend people unintentionally I feel very very quilty.
quilty? no offence meant!
To be honest, I don’t see any wedding or party necessary to attend, just because those things are important to some people, it doesn’t mean they’re important for all of us. And yeah, I reckon you’ll be absolutely fine and you’ll feel great afterwards knowing that you were there to support your daughter and you did it.
True, no-one else will be as affected by my absences as I will by forcing myself to be around people the whole time. As long as I'm there to watch my daughter compete, the socialising afterwards isn't necessary. Especially as she will want to celebrate and socialise with the people her own age. (Unlike me, she's very much a people-person.)
I think it'll be fine, as long as I take the Rescue Remedy and have my own accommodation booked. I'll be able to wind-down in my own space at the end of each day
I think you're right about your niece's wedding, seeing as you haven't spoken in so many years. I don't tend to get involved with extended family either, there's quite enough to be getting on with just with immediate family!
Yeah, I don’t think people realise all the stress we go through just thinking about these things and thats before we even consider whether we’re goung to go or not! lol! I’ve decided I’m not going to my son’s party or my nieces wedding (she hasn’t spoken to me (properly) since our uncle died in 2013 so I doubt she will care whether I’m there or not, it’s the rest of them that think I ‘should’ go, it’s the proper thing etc.
You mentioned Bach’s Rescue Remedy, I love that too, it seems to do the job and settle me down although even I’m feeling anxious at your up coming trip! Lol! I would say spend as little time as possible at the stadium and with the others and the truth is, most people don’t notice our absence anyway, most people are wrapped up in themselves to really care about anybody else.