Published on 12, July, 2020
Hey everyone!
I know this is a common question, and I found many threads on this forums (as well as blog posts somewhere else about it), but I feel like they don't fully address preoccupation. Ideally I would like to have a chat with someone who's gone through this, but I find it difficult to attend local groups, specially in this state of uncertainty. If anyone wants to have a chat, here or on any other platform, I'd be more than happy to.
I have joked about being on the spectrum since I was young because of my attention to detail, my analytical skills and my somewhat lacking social skills. I never took it seriously because I was highly functional and I didn't have any of the well-known traits such as stimming or fixation with certain words. Now, as an adult (35yo), I'm starting to feel certain blocks in my life, specially dealing with social situations, and looking back at my life there are many things that can be explained really well by Asperger's or HF Autism. From small things like being fussy with food because of the texture, to massive things such as mental health issues like depression and obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD).
The reason I would like to be diagnosed is to find help in overcoming my limitations. It helped in the past with depression and OCPD. Just knowing how they worked allowed me to find ways of coping with them, to the point that I wouldn't say I'm OCPD anymore (except for maybe some minor things) and my episodes of depression are now very short (a couple of days) and very far apart (can't remember when was the last one). If I can learn how ASD works in my own head, I would be able to find ways of going around it.
What is holding me back is that I don't like the idea of being labelled. It's not so much a matter of stigma, although that's part of it, but the fear that it will change my perception of myself and how others perceive me. I have always fought against being boxed. I don't like when people just accept (or not) something you do or say just because of some label, and it's something I experienced a lot with other labels I carried.
But my biggest fear is using that label to justify my limitations, or even start developing some traits because now "it's official". I know it's irrational, that just the label will not change who I am. I proved myself and others in the past that it's not your skills/talents, but what you do with them. I've done things I have never imagined I could do, so I should expect to be able to get over this as well. But the fear is there. I don't want to end up saying "sorry for my lack of filter, but I'm on the spectrum".
So I'm tempted to not give it a name and dealing with these blocks in my life as I've done before: Learn to be more compassionate towards my limitations and finding ways around them. Other than giving it a name, are there any other benefits from a formal diagnosis?
Thank you for reading :)
Hi Indecisive,
Great name! It described me for much of my life. I've always had trouble with decisions - especially really important ones. An Aspie trait is over-analysis. Going over and over and over details until my mind is boggled. People say to me 'Just do a 'pros' and 'cons' list'... but it really isn't that simple. How do you 'weight' pros and cons? When is a con a pro in disguise?
Anyway... that's beside the point. I could say loads, but the others have already said many things I agree with. So, briefly... I was finally diagnosed two-and-a-half years ago, at the age of 56. It was one of the best things I ever did. I don't regret it for one moment. And it's made me feel so much better about my life. My mental health has improved. And so, would you believe, has my decision-making. I feel that I can now make more informed decisions about what's best for me.
Labels? They don't bother me. If other people want to apply them - that's their problem. They can think what they like. They can think of it in terms of limitations. I, though, now think of it in terms of opportunities.
And I'm no longer afraid to say 'no' to others for fear of being thought selfish, difficult, obstinate or lazy. Again... they can think what they like. I do what's right for me, now!
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Tom
Thanks for your response, Tom. I'm all too familiar with over-analysis, it sometimes pays off, but it can be quite annoying when you are just blocked because you cannot make a decision. Lately, my block has been deciding what to do with all this new information about myself. In general, I don't think it's been too bad for me, but there have been plenty of times when I just decided by not deciding. And saying "no" can be quite hard, so well done!
Well done for learning to say no Tom. I only realised recently how difficult it is for me to say no, but I'm learning to say no. I've also got this well rehearsed automatic habit of wanting to still kind of please people. Fortunately that's also getting less. I know what you mean about the decision making getting easier as well. Since my diagnosis that has improved for me as well. It's still all relatively new for me as well but even on the dark days, I'm still so glad I got the diagnosis. It's almost like I've been given permission to be me.