Published on 12, July, 2020
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Hi Ellie,
Well... I guess you know how I feel, because I've said many times. I wanted that bit of paper because I wanted the validation. But then, that's me - I need something like that. Not all of us do. My niece's husband, for instance. He's known pretty much for years - as I have - that he's on the spectrum. Everything fits with him. But he said to me that he could never be bothered because he's happy and settled in his career and family... and he doesn't give a toss what anyone thinks of him! Great if you can be like that, I say. All power to him.
Your circumstances are different, of course, with the people surrounding you. It's a bit more like my situation, I suppose. A family that either doesn't understand and doesn't want to, or that accepts it, but without trying to understand it any better. It's as if I've told them 'I only have one kidney', and they've thought 'Okay.. but he's got another one, so he'll be alright.' I'm an Aspie - but I've still got a brain, so I'll be alright! So, going ahead with the diagnosis can easily seem like it doesn't make the slightest difference. I suppose, if I'm honest, that my going for it was about two things: having something to show to others, yes... but mainly having something to show to myself. I've said before that my mental health has improved in many ways because of it. And I think it's because of that true understanding I now have about myself, which I've now had independently and professionally verified. No one can take it away from me now. No one can say to me 'Well, you're just saying that to use it as an excuse to explain away your strange behaviour', etc. Again, though... that's just me: what I wanted, what I got, what I now feel.
You sound - to use a hoary old cliche - like you've reached a watershed. Your post speaks of both frustration and desire. I can't say that a diagnosis will placate your frustration and fulfill your desire. It may do a little of each, it may do a lot of each. It may do nothing at all. It may, at the end of it, be nothing more than that personal validation. Maybe an extra thing to throw out to people when they accuse you of being anti-social, or unfocused, or whatever else. It may still make no difference to them. Some of them might even create more distance.
Perhaps the bottom line is: How much do you care what other people think? If you don't care - like my niece's husband - then does it really matter? But is this something you want for other people -or something that you want for you?
Good luck with your decision. Keep talking!
Tom
My niece's husband, for instance. He's known pretty much for years - as I have - that he's on the spectrum. Everything fits with him. But he said to me that he could never be bothered because he's happy and settled in his career and family... and he doesn't give a toss what anyone thinks of him! Great if you can be like that, I say. All power to him.
Yes this sums up how I feel about myself Tom.
Hi Ellie
I have been accused a few times by people who got to know me of not caring what others think of me. I used to say "it's what you think of yourself that counts". and "you have to learn to live with yourself before contemplating living with others"
That is why I now feel more comfortable and relaxed living on my own with little social contact. I nevertheless like all of us would like to be loved and when I finally acknowledged my true condition I felt ashamed that I had not been a better person. One counsellor actually suggested to me I could "become a human being". He was right I think but knew nothing about ASD so was judging me against NT norms.
I feel some of the advice given in reply to you has missed the point in some ways. NT people are much more likely to be wearing a mask in my view than those on the ASD spectrum. The T shirt for kids which said "I'm not naughty I'm autistic" for example which came in for a lot of criticism was an attempt in my view to deceive.
Having followed your posts over the last few months and reading this thread I am beginning to think you may not be on the spectrum, or if you are it is mild HF. However you alone must make the decision to get assessed or not.
Sorry if this offends, but I feel the need to be as honest as I can.
Take care , Laddie.
PS To The Foyster I would point out Autism is not a mental illness but a permanent life long condition. It may well coexist with mental health illnesses, but is different from those.
xxx
Spotty! ()()()()
I don't know how to 'defend' her (you Ellie), but I was confused and hurt by the mask comment and that they are more likely to be worn by NT's? I'm nearly 50 and still no one around me would know I was anything other than very slightly antisocial but it is crucifying and I don't know how to stop it without making myself homeless. Allowing or forcing anyone to mask is unforgivable, not impartial words I know. Push people far enough and they will break. I'm broken and it is only the good folks here that give me any hope for a better future. ()()()()
Having always struggled to understand my Aspergers and my high level of empathy I came across two papers which I found to be very enlightening,
I decided to research for variables between Male and female traits. I discovered interesting scientific reports about female autism and the reason so many are missed or misdiagnosed .
Here are the relevant research papers, ellie did post a link to one in her opening title-and I will “ attempt” to post another here, To understand how a female can appear as if NT !
It needs to be understood more I think. Thank you.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5509825/
And ellies link from above.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5040731/
They are lengthy documents but if you read the first few pages I think you will find it a change from the articles on autism and Aspergers that are currently considered for diagnosing males.
enjoy and I hope it can potentially shed some light on why females are so easily missdiagnosed or missed altogether.
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laddie49 said:
Thank you Laddie for your honesty