Age and the practicality of seeking an assessment/diagnosis

I'm really glad I went for my diagnosis, and got it at 56.  It was the validation I needed.  My life made sense to me from that moment.  I knew I was on the spectrum, of course - but I wanted it acknowledged.  I wanted it on paper.  Incontrovertible.  My mental health, always precarious, has improved because of it.  Because no longer do I have to make excuses for not being like everyone else.

I fully believe that I have Autism-even though I am waiting for the doctor to organise a proper diagnosis. 

Everything -to a greater or lesser degree that I have read here about the Autistic life experience fits in with my own

experience. I am 59 and feel that in many ways it is simply too late to work at but I would benefit enormously by having a

confirmation from the professionals, if nothing else, I am constantly attacking myself for my failings and mistakes and the

confirmation that perhaps not Every single screw-up could be laid at my feet because of my own laziness, stupidity or

ineptitude would be a welcome development.

That's exactly it - the benefit from that confirmation. 

I had a referral to a course of DBT especially developed for autistic people.  But I didn't go in the end.  So much of it seems to be about adapting/improving(?) behaviour in order to make us fit in better.  And I really would prefer not to fit in!  I've felt like an outsider for most of my life, and I don't see myself changing now.  Quite frankly, it helps me to be on the outside looking in.  It's what drives my writing.

Former Member Am I rude for asking if you have a spouse, children or siblings? I ask because I'm an NT spouse & mother - the only NT in the house & this explanation of preferring no behaviour change or to "fit in" is often given to me by my ASD spouse & young adult daughter. It's become a very old & destructive perspective in the household, requiring me to live entirely in an ASD world with zero accommodation or attempts at perspective change to benefit my needs as an NT person. I understand the unique gifts my spouse & daughter have accrued & developed in light of their autism, but not the 100% refusal to adapt anything for another's (& ultimately their own) benefit. I must constantly adapt & change to accommodate their needs & those of others. If you were asked to change & adapt for the benefit of another, would you attempt to do so? What would convince you to attempt such changes; what words from an NT would convince you to change your perspective &/or behaviours in select situations? In our home, the ASD diagnosis is not used by those diagnosed as a tool to help themselves, rather as a weapon & I'd like to find ways to encourage voluntary change. Suggestions? 

Former Member Am I rude for asking if you have a spouse, children or siblings? I ask because I'm an NT spouse & mother - the only NT in the house & this explanation of preferring no behaviour change or to "fit in" is often given to me by my ASD spouse & young adult daughter. It's become a very old & destructive perspective in the household, requiring me to live entirely in an ASD world with zero accommodation or attempts at perspective change to benefit my needs as an NT person. I understand the unique gifts my spouse & daughter have accrued & developed in light of their autism, but not the 100% refusal to adapt anything for another's (& ultimately their own) benefit. I must constantly adapt & change to accommodate their needs & those of others. If you were asked to change & adapt for the benefit of another, would you attempt to do so? What would convince you to attempt such changes; what words from an NT would convince you to change your perspective &/or behaviours in select situations? In our home, the ASD diagnosis is not used by those diagnosed as a tool to help themselves, rather as a weapon & I'd like to find ways to encourage voluntary change. Suggestions?