Hey everyone - I've been pretty inactive on the forums as I emigrated to Germany four years ago and have been struggling to find my feet here, but I secured a diagnosis, which was really a huge relief!
Anyway, I had the opportunity to give a TEDx talk and I would love to hear what you think about it... did I actually represent the Aspie community accurately? I should have asked beforehand, but honestly didn't think about how far this video would go afterwards - I'd hate to think that I have made anyone else's life more difficult by telling my own story!
I hope you enjoy the talk either way, and I've had some feedback from people saying that they could relate to this and honestly, that made ME feel more like I'm not alone! Emigrating has been tough - I am extremely socially isolated but dealing with that is a challenge. Either way, it was nice to reach out into the ether in an unconventional way and experience understanding. I hope you all find the same!!
Oh I completely understand what you mean about the person that you spent your life being - it is definitely a challenge being diagnosed later (which many of us were) because you really do end up having quite an identity crisis of sorts. I'm glad that you managed to meet someone who understands how to appreciate you - I think it seems easier for men than women for various reasons, but I could be very wrong and simply just a little jealous.
Loving your humanity btw x
SO MUCH THIS! I used to try and bring this issue up with friends when I was younger and say that I didn't think that I was going to get married and of course they all said "You'll be the first to get married!" Then now that I am still struggling to even get into a relationship, I get told that I should have done this or should have done that or lie or pretend or act a certain way, and I keep trying to point out that I've tried all of those things and STILL failed. It doesn't help that when you do try to edit yourself, you give the person the wrong impression and then they get disappointed and leave. It feels good to hear that I am not alone but... it also makes me sad to know that other people also have to live with this feeling of... just feeling like things might never work out.
It is always great to hear that men can also relate to these issues because I got the impression from the media that this is not always the case... and I appreciate the virtual hug ()! I do feel like we try so hard to "fit in" that we actually forget that being honest and open is fundamental to connection... yet it is so frightening to be honest because previous experience has taught that we will often be rejected.
I am so glad that you related to the suggestion regarding no-talking dates - it is SO much easier to separate the communication and the interaction - I love being able to edit things, and try to check that what I am saying is as close to what I mean as possible, and that takes quite a bit of time. I am also frustrated that I'm expected to show attraction intuitively, when I find it to be a very rational process that requires a lot of thought... and the point about facial expression - I honestly thought that I was a LOT more expressive during the talk than I actually was! I've noticed that I often think that I am displaying more emotion than I am on the outside... further adding to the sense of disconnection when talking to neurotypicals who are not responding to certain things because they are not looking for them!
Anyway, it was really nice to hear that this is not just applicable to women and that men share these experiences. I really hope that I will have a chance to date someone with Asperger syndrome themselves so that we can hopefully really relate to each other.
I'm happy to hear that the talk is applicable to other types of relationships - that is a new angle that I had not considered at all! Thanks for sharing that, and I am so glad that you enjoyed it - and happy to hear such positive feedback. :) I think that the hope/belief that things will work out all right is what keeps many of us going!!