i'm a 29 yr old man with aspergers syndrome I haven't worked for 5 years I live alone have no friends and don't know how to get out of this rut I'm in I'm fed up with ritualistic/repetitive behaviours I see my whole life passing by In front of me I just want it all to go away I just want a normal life I literally do the same thing everyday, wander into town have breakfast come home play games watch t.v this isn't the life I wanted I should have a job a family ect I ******* hate the world
*Edited by Moderator
29 years young!
You still have your youth and I hope, health.
Try volunteering it will help you meet people and maybe get a well paid job. (Or so I've been told).
Or if you have the money, go on holidays to see new places. Either travel alone or try organised package holidays. Stay in some 'nice' hotels.
Try evening classes to improve your education. Also good place to meet women.
Or apply to university, if you haven't been.
I'm a 43 year old woman with aspergers and I know how you feel. That's kind of my life too. However I have learned to make changes. I have a boyfriend and one very good female friend now. Its taken time and work i.e. figuring out how to go to places to meet new people ( not just people on the spectrum) like walks through the park, going to a quiet but friendly pub and going to evening classes or meetups that are compatible with my life and interests. I've joined a gym so i can use the swimming pool. I love wild camping and have bought inflatable kayaks and get away from the mundane repetitive - get up, go for a walk, eat, play minecraft, watch star trek etc.
The other side of things are you could have a crap stressful job that you hate and have to go to everyday and have a relationship that full of anger and frustration and about to split up. Thats a "normal" life for alot of NT people too. You can make changes for the better and figure out what you would like to put into your routine you just need to plan and force yourself out of the routine once to make those changes. Believe me NAS35296 I understand. Try making a list of things you would like to do or places you would like to visit and surf the web dreaming about them then try to plan out how to make it possible. Hope is a thing with feathers. xxx
I agree. Learning another languge is also a useful diversion. Challenge the mind, and see how the life that is enforced as "normal" here, is not the only way of life in this world.
In my shady past, I've tried evening classes in French, German and Russian. Also did 'AS' levels in Physics, Chemistry and Biology. Achieved grade As in all three. Also GCSEs in Computer Science and Accounting ( Also grade As). The real reason I went was for the company and female company in particular.
To avoid repetitive behaviour. I try walking new routes between even familiar places. Figure out what makes one autistic and try to behave differently to break the pattern.
I can also relate, you're not alone. As Rober123 said, you're still young and have a life in front of you, it might not be easy, but you have to make some changes. If we want things to change, we have to change what we do. Meetup groups are great because there are so many interests out there. Just browse meetup groups in your area and see if any of them take your fancy. I'm finding that although it feels like a slow process, but only when I think I 'should' have a job now, I 'should' have my life sorted, etc etc, but in reality, I'm actually moving forward at a good speed. I'm 50 years old and only got my diagnosis at the end of October, but already I've joined a local support group for autistic people, and that has been a huge huge help. Things will only change when we start to change them. We don't want to change who we are, but we can find ways of being in this world and having a fulfilling life. It might take a while to figure out what that looks like, but for me, it's getting a camper van, living in that, spending more time outdoors, in nature, and travelling to wherever I want. Since realising that, I am making real steps towards achieving it and when I feel that fear and anxiety in the pit of my stomach, I tell myself I can do this, I am doing this, and the more I do it the easier it gets and more and more opportunities come into my life to help me towards my goal.
Also, do you drive? Or even if you don't, you can start to work for amazon flex, picking up parcels from a local point and delivering them. I'm just in the process of putting my application form forward. They pay between £12 to £15 an hour and you chose when you want to work and what deliveries you want to do. Evening classes are great, I really love them, and many of them are free if you're on benefits. Volunteering is great, I'm even considering that myself just now. There is information on this site of how to get involved. I think it will do me good in so many ways to volunteer, maybe one day a week, to someway support the autism community, and make the changes I want to see for all of us. We deserve a life, you deserve a life, and it is possible. As soon as you start to do even one small thing differently, things will begin to change. Like someone said, change your walking route, go to a different cafe, make something different for breakfast.
You have got friends, you've got friends here. I've been in the rut that you described for the past 12 months and I was getting worried that I was never going to get out of it, so I started to make small changes, and slowly but surely, I'm creating a life, that suits me. We are never going to have a 'normal' life, you have to let that go. Once I let that go and let go of this person I have created, to fit in with the world, I started moving forwards. I grieved for the life I thought I was going to get, the so called 'normal' life, but once I let that go, it's like it created a space for me to begin to see a way forward. My vision is that the rules of the game change, in such a way, that all people who are autistic get to live a happy and fulfilling life but we are the ones who will change the rules, by getting out there and living. Figuring out what works for us, what our limitations are, what our strengths are and what we enjoy. There are organisations out there that can help you get back into work. Even the local job centre can help. The local citizens advice service is a good place to start as well. Go and speak to them, find out what support is in your area. Just taking that step will help how you feel tremendously. It doesn't get easier the longer you wait. You're a young man and you absolutely can have a fulfilling life. My heart goes out to you because it's not a nice place to be in but there is an escape route. There is a lot of support out there in the big wide world, it's big enough for NT's and us. You will find your way. Please listen to what we have said and take some steps and let us know how you are.
If you want things to change then it's down to you to make them. You need to make an active decision to apply for jobs, find interest groups so you can meet people. Life is hard work, friendships take effort to form and maintain and you have to actively want to do that.
On Monday instead of wandering into town and buying breakfast why not go to the job center, apply for a few dozen jobs, pick up some food and cook that at home for breakfast and lunch. Pick something you enjoy and find a local club, that could be games, sport, photography etc. If you want to make a change in your life then you have to do it, start today, do more tomorrow, a little bit every day is all it takes. You can make the changes and in a year's time you can look back and see how different life is, or you can change nothing and in a year's time you'll look back and wish you had, that's the choice.
Change. That's the big one I struggle with.
Change is a big one to deal with full stop, but sometimes it is needed to counteract any ruts we find ourselves in.
Change can be broken down into small steps, so it is easier to manage. Think about what you would like to change and pick one of those things and break it down into smaller chunks. So for example, you say you do the same things everyday, pick one of those things to change.
I am trying the same thing at the moment with exercise. I used to be very fit, but I have hit a rut that I am struggling to get out of due to routine and fatigue combined. So I am starting to incorporating walks into my routine. Instead of driving to the shops, I will walk. Instead of playing on my computer games for say 2 hours, I will instead spend 1 hour on my computer and 1 hour walking. From here I will build myself up into jogging and maybe some other exercise, but it is all baby steps. If I went straight in at hard exercise like I used to be able to do, it would stress me out both mentally and physically too much and would make me feel worse.
Break everything down into steps and you will be able to do it.
thanks guys, this thread has helped more than you know. Good advice! I need to broaden my horizons, break out of this not so comforting zone. Money is tight but I could save up and go abroad next year I drive but have no car so I could save for one. I could take up poetry or art, stop playing games. I gave up smoking last Christmas and got heavily into vaping its something I would like to stop too but the nicotine withdrawals are so bad, perhaps I could buy a tent and camp out in the woods for a week far away from any nicotine sources until it goes away maybe I'm just crazy tho lol