Published on 12, July, 2020
I was feeling quite agitated this morning. I've been aware for a while that I don't seem to have any mechanisms of making myself feel calm. I don't have any 'stims'. I've spent the last hour reading the latest posts on this forum, and doing an Aspie Quiz on one of the threads, and I've found I feel much better now, calm and back to normal. I suspect because my mind became focused on doing something intently (replying to topics in detail, then doing a 122-question quiz), so it had no opportunity to wander and be distracted by whatever it was that was causing me to feel agitated.
What methods do you use if you're feeling agitated or stressed out by something, to make yourself feel calmer?
seekeraftertruth said:What methods do you use if you're feeling agitated or stressed out by something, to make yourself feel calmer?
It's weird and one of the odd things personally (because I have Asperger's/HFA) is that I don't really get stressed or agitated. However I think that's more part of the long term coping mechanisms that I've build up through and since childhood. I tend to focus on what I can do, what I can change rather than what I can't do. If I can't change something I don't worry about it, take Brexit for example, it's going to make running elements of my business a lot harder (we deal with a lot of European locations, so even a small increase in paperwork could easily create a huge workload), I can't stop Brexit so I don't worry about it, but I do look to what policies and processes we as a business can put into place to mitigate issues (and we're currently looking at mitigating a no deal Brexit, which involves opening an office in Dublin) because that's something I can alter.
There are various other things that I do, I'm good at zoning into something/distractions etc. as otherwise I find I notice everything, following 2-3 conversations at the same time in public, picking up on smells and sounds no one else notices etc. So I've modified my outlook and mental behaviour so that I don't become stressed or agitated in the first place. The down side of that is that it can sometimes make me seem even more "robotic" that I probably already am.
HI MattBucks, thank you for your response. It's kind of helped me, although I'm not sure why. I think it's because I've been studying mindset for a long time and one of the major things with mindset, is to not worry about what we can't change and instead focus on what we can and I am finally in that process.
I have modified my behaviour over the years, to the point that I don't want to do it anymore, although that's a great tip, to zone in on something, to minimise the distractions. Coming on here helps me as I find my way along my new path. I'm moving into setting up my own business, which I've been trying to do for several years, but now I have the answers to why I was struggling, I'm moving forward much more purposely now, albeit slowly.
I think your answer gives me hope, that I will succeed, and this forum in general, is helping me a lot, particularly when I feel a bit stressed or anxious, I just come on here.
I joined an art class this week, and because I was focused on painting, I was able to participate in the conversations. There was only 5 of us altogether, including the teacher, and I was able to stop myself talking at times when I know I normally would, because I was able to see how I can easily dominate conversations and cut them off dead because of how I talk. I actually learned a lot in those two hours, about socialising, and although I don't want to go out socialising to much, it's good that I am able to modify my behaviour in a way that doesn't hurt me, in a way that doesn't make people not want to be around me and I actually enjoyed their company. So yeah, I can see how focusing on the painting really helped and I did seem more 'robotic' than I probably am, but it was peaceful and I enjoyed it and didn't feel stressed or agitated or that I was just trying to fit in. I wasn't interested in fitting in, I was just interested in what we were doing, and learning more about art.
There's always hope so I'm glad the forum helps. I think too often this forum comes across as negative so the positive stuff is good, or even the random subjects (the messy eating one at the moment).
I realised that I could make changes that benefited me and that's where it came from and the changes will be different for everyone but we can all make our own changes.
That's good with the art class, I have to do the same, holding back and not speaking because otherwise I can go full on and shut down the conversation as well. I also had to learn that someone asking a question didn't always want the answer, I still don't understand why people ask questions they don't want the answer to, it seems to be one of those traits of normal human behaviour that I will never understand.