Published on 12, July, 2020
My son is now 7 years old and is in Year 2 at a mainstream primary school. He does NOT have a statement or whatever it's called now.
When he was diagnosed back in 2013 we were given his diagnosis and it was pretty much there's the diagnosis. Now get on with the rest of your lives. Absolutely no support.
Is that the same with you and your child?
What I need advice on is how to help him with his emotions. He cries most days at school. Pretty much if he doesn't get his own way or if he wants to play with someone and they dont want to play with him. He's already being made fun of because he cries a lot. Just wondered if anyone else's child is similar to this and what you have done to help them deal with their emotions or if school or external source have done anything to support them.
Also how have school helped your child to focus if that is also an issue with them.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and sorry it's so long!
Hi my little boy is 7yrs old newly diagnosed. He is also emotional and cries a lot at school. I live in Newcastle and it's the same no help. But we do have a sendias person who is based in local council but is independent who is a great source of help and info. Mind you only found out from Google!
I found that to get any help you have to be persistent. Don't accept the first answer they give. Keep fighting and knowledge, learn, read and find a copy of codes of practice for education (there are pdf files online)
As for your little dude, my son was very emotional and we had to learn coping strategies together. He has his 'out of the situation' strategy which is music and a quiet part of the outside (at school it was the playground which we previously agreed with the staff and SENCO) We also had Digby the friendly Dragon (a hand puppet my son would talk to every day after school and before story time) It seemed to help him let out his anxieties and frustrations and of course, I found out about issues there were without asking directly.
We still have emotion cards and books with pictures so that he can let others know how he's feeling or the traffic lights cards for when he feels a meltdown coming on. There are some great places online to get templates for these.
Obviously each child is different and these may not help you at all but perhaps you could try something similar?
I do hope you carry on being a strong mother. Thoughts and prayers for you and yours.
Autism is a behavior profile and there is autism in every human being in this world depending on the degree of its infect on individual person. I have an 18 year old who has autism. My son used to be like yours when he was younger. Here is my thing, you are the best friend your child will ever have therefore the first thing you have to do is to form a very good relationship with that child, spend as much time as possible with him, talk to him consistently, engage him in play sitting on the carpet with him playing with toys; make sure you look directly into his eyes whenever you are talking to him. Try and find out if he is getting one to one interaction in school. Again participation is the key to unlocking the potentials of every autistic child. So you have to work as a team with his school they may not like it but you have the right to do that. Ask the school to keep track of his behavior on daily basis in form of a chart. That will give you an idea of when, how often and what makes him go emotional. From my experience I know pretty much that something is pulling the trigger and you have to work with the school through holistic approach to find out what is cause so that you can get your hands on it.
Probably not very relevant as my son is now 25, but he was diagnosed when he was 6 but before and after the diagnosis we had to fight for every bit of support that he got. To get DLA we ended up at a tribunal and won his case, At primary school we nagged constantly for what was then a statement and it is up to the school to access this support but you need a strong determined SENDCO, same at secondary school but this is easier if you have managed to access support at primary. My son went onto post sixteen and then Uni. He has now finished uni and has been out of work for two years so I am now at the other end where support is very limited
i wish you all the best, but my best my best advice is to tap into support from the NAS but also read up and fight the cause as no one else will will.
Hi. I am a member of our local NAS group (i.e. just for a radius of about 10 miles or so) and we meet every month - it's been invaluable! Even if you can't make meetings they can help with online support - have you looked to see if you have a local one?
Otherwise my support came from various branches of the local authority - I took my son to their 'step by step ' programme aged 2 because I thought there were some issues, and they put me on a parenting course, and then suggested I put him in pre-school (even though I had to pay as he was under 3) and the pre-school leader was fantastic and brought in speech and language, early years advisors etc. They got me the diagnosis and helped me prepare for primary school. I then went on an Earlybird autism parenting course through the LA. We got the statement after a year or so at primary school - I think they need to see whether the child can cope without additional support before they can apply for one. After that the school should provide the support, and meet with you regularly etc- but you do need outside advice/friends to make sure you're getting the right support from the school. The LA have autism experts, and special needs liaison people who are also available, and will come to meetings etc. In my experience GPs and paediatricians have been unhelpful - but they can be useful if your child has additional physical needs.
My son doesn't cry much but all children are different. Instead he lashes out and is always in trouble for that - he used to bite (Yr1 ish), then he started spitting and throwing chairs (Yr 2), now he's yr 4 and was picked on last year because the other children started to realise he was different, and would react if they pushed the right buttons. He's OK until pushed too far then he might whack someone or push them, or even wave sticks etc dangerously. It's frustration and upset, and often with mine a sense of unfairness (often wrongly) but they just don't have the same understanding of social situations. It's heartbreaking but I think most get better as they mature, but it is really hard to deal with. I have cried so much watching my son bang his head on walls during a meltdown - you feel so helpless. Good luck!!
Hi Emma,
Thank you so much for replying. I live in Southampton. Also the days out you have done is that with Berkshire Autism?
I feel for you. We were given the diagnosis and sent on our way. Apart from NAS, the best help we have had is from going on Berkshire Autism courses and days out and talking to other parents in the same situation.
My son is 10 and does not have a statement or EHCP as they are now know. We found a local school with more ASD knowledge and moved him. Our only regret is that I didn't do it sooner, but knowing how change can have such a huge impact we put it off.
Not sure which area you are from, but it might be worth looking at Mencap and other local autism charity as to what they have to offer, even if it's a parents social group, you learn a huge amount from other parents.
Wish you all the best. Emma x