Married to a man with Aspergers

We have 2 children , 1 asc , 1 not . As babies/toddlers he struggled a bit with understanding that their needs had to be met to their timetable , an example would be them sleeping through lunchtime , waking at 230 pm but him not recognising they might be hungry because it wasn't his lunch or dinner time. I did the majority of caring when they were little tbh . They have an ok relationship now , him and the daughter with  asc really get each other and he helps me understand where she is coming from . My daughter without asc has not always found it easy , she is very sociable and loves to chat but he finds that hard and  has had to work at their relationship. They developed a mutual interest in fishing so he will make a special effort to do that , just the two of them . They are his life and he loves them dearly but he cannot always show it easily and he assumes they know it , so i remind him to say it regularly. 

Hello, I have been married for a long time and have 5 children.  (A long time, right now I can't think how long that is but eldest child was born in 1991)

I am the autistic in this family. Our family works well, we spend a lot of time together, we play games, we all eat together we don't watch TV and don't spend very much time with electronics.

My husband knows me very well and if I am getting stressed either he noticed and helps me escape either to a book or to my room and if I notice first i just say I need to go and do whatever. 

The children have all coped amazingly with me. They knew when they were younger that I'm special and couldn't help that any more than someone with no legs can help that they have none. As they got older they became quite protective of me, enough so that I could go out with them if I needed to and they would look after me, well not look after me as such but be aware that if it got to much for me they would need to intervene.

.Do you know what it is about your relationship that is eroding you at all? If you have any particular problem  we (the community in general) might be able to come up with a work around, or i could ask hubby about it for you, but I'm not having him in here, this is my space.

Edited to add

 're what Nas10473 said above, we spend all our time together.

Thanks, do you have children?  If so how do you find his relationship with them?

Thanks Tom

Hi, we have been married /together for 20 years and it has been tough . For us the answer is we do not spend too much time together. We love each other very much and have developed a really strong relationship over the years but we cannot live in each others pockets like so many other couples do . I have had to learn the hard way that I cannot expect random romantic gestures but know that I can ask a very straight forward question 'do you love me ?' And receive a honest answer.  I suppose if you think about times it has worked well in your relationship , you could find the key to what will make it work going forward .

I think there are people on here in good, long-term relationships, and hopefully you'll get some input.

All I can say, as an Aspie myself (though only diagnosed 3 years ago, aged 56) is that I feel rather like your husband.  I've had one marriage (of 5 years) and just one other cohabitation relationship, which only lasted 18 months and coincided with my diagnosis time.  In both cases, I can be totally honest and say that I know these women suffered greatly because of me.  My ex-wife thought, by year 3, that I had simply ceased to love her.  This wasn't true.  But I could no longer even touch her, or tell her I loved her.  I became emotionally shut off from her.  It was a terrible time for both of us because I simply couldn't understand what was wrong with me.  The truth was - I felt out of place.  The whole thing felt wrong.  Up until our marriage, when I was 40, I'd lived alone and preferred it that way.  I hadn't even had a relationship for almost 10 years.  I was absorbed in my own life and interests, and was happy that way.  But then, as we all do, I met someone and fell in love.  The love did actually last, and it took me a long time to get over our eventual divorce.  But as soon as I was alone again, I felt.... right again.  Pretty much the same thing happened with that shorter relationship - except that we were thrown together more by necessity than choice.  It was difficult from the off, with both of us needed 'space' in my small flat, and each of us having a different approach to things.  It could have happened in any other relationship, really - but much of my behaviour (constant moods, constant rowing, drinking more and more to cope) was in response to hers, and she triggered me in so many ways.

I know what you mean about that 'drip-drip-drip'.  I really feel for you in that situation because I know - being as objective as I can - how horrible it can be.  I'm certainly resolved now to a life alone.  I know how difficult I am to live with, and I certainly wouldn't want to inflict myself on anyone else. 

As I said, I hope you can get some insight from others.  I just thought I'd give you my own perspective from the other side.

Best regards,

Tom