I'm new to the forum and was hoping for some advice. My daughter was diagnosed with ASD at 7 and is now in her first year at secondary. As yet she has not needed any extra help, other than attending a lunchtime social skills group. She doesn't often talk about any issues she might be having but tonight she said that she has these horrible feelings when she is at school. At the end of every lesson when she's leaving the class, she is worried as doesn't know if it is real or not - that the class might not have finished and she's getting up and leaving and everyone will laugh at her. She is finding this very upsetting and also called it a feeling of 'deja vu', or hallucinating, though maybe she's just finding it hard expressing herself. She has always been a big daydreamer in class - primary school called it her coping mechanism. But she's never mentioned anything about not knowing if she is experiencing reality or not.
Has anyone else come across this? I'm at a loss as to know what to do to help her.
Many many thanks in advance.
Fascinating, I think she is intelligent in trying to make sense of reality. And asking interesting questions.
I'm sure others have more to say on this subject.
As to what is real or not or are we all in a daydream, and the feelings of deja vu, very common and difficult to explain rationally. I used to experience it a lot, it was a phase I was going through.
There are different forms of deja vu. One is you experience something and immediately think I've done this or been here before. Yet logically you know it's the first time. Another similar form is when you're somewhere and immediately think, 'why am I here again? Or why am I doing this again?' then you realise it's not again, it's the first time and you've sort of projected your mind into the near future so it feels like you've done this. I know I'm bad at describing this.
Greetings. Yet this may seem bad or unhelpful, yet it is at least helpful in the "you are not alone" sense, maybe... and I apologise for it in advance, if apology is needed?
I am so glad that, as I was considering this Thread - "daydreaming?" - that someone ELSE replied to this first. Bear in mind, that I am over Forty, Late-Diagnosed, and such. And that there was no such thing as "Aspergers" before the 80s/90s...When at school myself, I was constantly accused of "daydreaming", and of being "shy". All of the time! I hated it, and to this day still do not understand what they meant by all of it themselves...Yet now, aware of Aspergers, and Thirty Years later... I can (dare to?) try to say something to a "parent". When your child acts differently at school and at home, then it is because the two environments are so *utterly* different, that is why. And it is different for everyone, whether acting distant or hostile...Close to an example you state: I recall also leaving classes *at the correct time*, yet being laughed at, due to not being "dismissed" by the teacher - as if it was not the "correct time" for THEM. I hated it all, utterly. I followed rules, yet socially rules were not followed...and that is what I could not follow most of all.Concerning "de ja vu", I agree with this, but one problem is as I state: everyone sets their own rules, and it does not seem to matter who is right or not, so long as the majority is supported... if that makes sense to anyone reading...Concerning "daydreaming", if it is what I ever did (and still do) then, as I said, it is also the taking of a long and careful time to think through and to weigh consequences. Typically, the time allowed is limited yet the results are long-term... again, if that makes sense to anyone else who may read this...
I should close this Post now, maybe, for it is long... and I close it with a great apology again, if needed.
Hi DC please do not feel you have to apologise. I am struggling to believe that yet again I found something so specific to my life as a youngster. I am glad I have found this thread as it is so much what I did at school. I was called a day dreamer throughout my school days,
One teacher told my parents while attending a parents evening that my theme song should be “ I’m busy doing nothing working the whole day through, trying to find lots of things not to do!”. Not very nice to say that, I remember very little about infant school apart from the worse times,
I never knew what was expected or at what time, I had no concept of time what so ever. I just followed what the other kids did, I do remember sitting trying to understand what was being said and struggling to associate it with the then and now moment,
I also experience de ja vu And always have, at times when it happens I stop still and think to myself “ hang on a moment, am I really here or back when this happened before, I then try to think to when it happened and sometimes recount the exact moment and think ,this is not real? It just feels like replaying the moment. Or like I am in the future looking back to now present time.
I also find I recount moments from the past in conversation, just random thoughts, imagine my surprise when suddenly it becomes relevant as the place or moment starts to be played out in the now.
I think I spent a lot of time studying words and conversation because I had to decipher just what was being said as I had no real understanding at that point.
questioning and trying to find a reason for the words I was hearing, to focus I needed to cut out as much outside interference as possible.
I still have to work hard to take instruction or truly grasp what is being said if there is any outside noise.
Enjoyed hearing your account / memories DC.
take care and keep sharing,we are all here to learn and share,and to pass on information through experience.
Thank you all for taking the trouble to reply and sharing your experiences. It is hugely reassuring to know that this is obviously not uncommon though I obviously sympathise with all the troubles you have gone through. As a parent, I am always struggling to understand the world through my daughter's eyes so it is so helpful to have someone explain in more detail what she might be going through. I'm still unsure how to proceed from here but think I will talk to her SEN at school and see if they are able to suggest anything to lessen her anxiety.
Your daughter is definitely not alone and I remember being perhaps 5 or 6 and going through a similar thing.
I would always daydream (and still do today up to a point) and would create fantasy worlds when I was at school as a way of coping as I found the environment very stressful to deal with. As a result I remember questioning myself when walking to school, if what I was experiencing was even real or had I made it up. The deja vu experience was also common. As for leaving lessons at the correct time, I was always the last to leave to ensure I wasn't leaving when I wasn't supposed to and I still make this mistake today. I walked out of a meeting the other week because I thought it had ended. Apparently not and I looked a bit of a numpty - especially as everyone was so shocked to actually say anything to me, so continued to let me walk out of the room and back to my desk! As far as I was concerned, everything that needed to be said and actioned had been done and everything else was just wasting time.
It might be worth asking your daughter what she thinks of school and what she likes and dislikes to see if something is causing her stress and making her act in this way. I wouldn't worry too much though and just continue support her as you are doing already.