Daydreaming and not knowing when reality or not

Hi,  

I'm new to the forum and was hoping for some advice.  My daughter was diagnosed with ASD at 7 and is now in her first year at secondary.  As yet she has not needed any extra help, other than attending a lunchtime social skills group.  She doesn't often talk about any issues she might be having but tonight she said that she has these horrible feelings when she is at school.  At the end of every lesson when she's leaving the class, she is worried as doesn't know if it is real or not - that the class might not have finished and she's getting up and leaving and everyone will laugh at her.  She is finding this very upsetting and also called it a feeling of 'deja vu', or hallucinating, though maybe she's just finding it hard expressing herself.  She has always been a big daydreamer in class - primary school called it her coping mechanism.  But she's never mentioned anything about not knowing if she is experiencing reality or not.

Has anyone else come across this?  I'm at a loss as to know what to do to help her.

Many many thanks in advance.

Parents
  • Thank you all for taking the trouble to reply and sharing your experiences.  It is hugely reassuring to know that this is obviously not uncommon though I obviously sympathise with all the troubles you have gone through. As a parent, I am always struggling to understand the world through my daughter's eyes so it is so helpful to have someone explain in more detail what she might be going through.  I'm still unsure how to proceed from here but think I will talk to her SEN at school and see if they are able to suggest anything to lessen her anxiety.

  • Your daughter is definitely not alone and I remember being perhaps 5 or 6 and going through a similar thing.

    I would always daydream (and still do today up to a point) and would create fantasy worlds when I was at school as a way of coping as I found the environment very stressful to deal with.  As a result I remember questioning myself when walking to school, if what I was experiencing was even real or had I made it up.  The deja vu experience was also common.  As for leaving lessons at the correct time, I was always the last to leave to ensure I wasn't leaving when I wasn't supposed to and I still make this mistake today.  I walked out of a meeting the other week because I thought it had ended.  Apparently not and I looked a bit of a numpty - especially as everyone was so shocked to actually say anything to me, so continued to let me walk out of the room and back to my desk!  As far as I was concerned, everything that needed to be said and actioned had been done and everything else was just wasting time.

    It might be worth asking your daughter what she thinks of school and what she likes and dislikes to see if something is causing her stress and making her act in this way.  I wouldn't worry too much though and just continue support her as you are doing already.

  • Thanks Starbuck.  I will try talking to her again but she so rarely confides in me and it's difficult to find that window when she's open for a bit of a chat (usually very late at night as she's not much of a sleeper either).  I know she is a real stickler for the rules, I guess because when there's a rule, it makes sense to her.  And Secondary school has the threat of detentions for things like forgetting PE kit or school uniform (she has text me 10 times in the space of 2 mins in a panic from the bus when she has forgotten something, begging me to let her teacher know). She has come from a very tiny village primary school, where all the children grew up together and were very nurturing - they just saw her quirks as just that.  Whereas now she is in a much bigger school where people aren't necessary so nice (she's already said that she's been told the older girls think she's weird).  

    But she's always said that she enjoys it there for the most part.  She goes to the library at lunchtime on her own each day (which makes me sad but I've got to get over myself as she likes her quiet time) and she seems to have a few friends.  I don't know how she's doing in classes yet, from her test scores she's told me, not too great but she says she finds it difficult to concentrate in class as people are messing about.  It might also be because she daydreams alot and misses what's going on.

    The school are aware of her diagnosis and have an individual plan set up where her teacher's are supposed to know her stress trigger points, and I did email them last night after my conversation with her.  Apparently one of the teachers asked her today about how she felt leaving the class, and she told them exactly what she told me - that she's not sure if it is real or not, if it's actually time to leave or that she's dreaming it.  The teacher told her she was going to talk to the guidance manager to see if she knew any more about this.  I'm waiting for them to contact me.

    I have to admit I was quite startled when she told me last night how she felt so knowing that other people know where she is coming from is comforting and gives me an insight into what she might be experiencing.  Thank you.

Reply
  • Thanks Starbuck.  I will try talking to her again but she so rarely confides in me and it's difficult to find that window when she's open for a bit of a chat (usually very late at night as she's not much of a sleeper either).  I know she is a real stickler for the rules, I guess because when there's a rule, it makes sense to her.  And Secondary school has the threat of detentions for things like forgetting PE kit or school uniform (she has text me 10 times in the space of 2 mins in a panic from the bus when she has forgotten something, begging me to let her teacher know). She has come from a very tiny village primary school, where all the children grew up together and were very nurturing - they just saw her quirks as just that.  Whereas now she is in a much bigger school where people aren't necessary so nice (she's already said that she's been told the older girls think she's weird).  

    But she's always said that she enjoys it there for the most part.  She goes to the library at lunchtime on her own each day (which makes me sad but I've got to get over myself as she likes her quiet time) and she seems to have a few friends.  I don't know how she's doing in classes yet, from her test scores she's told me, not too great but she says she finds it difficult to concentrate in class as people are messing about.  It might also be because she daydreams alot and misses what's going on.

    The school are aware of her diagnosis and have an individual plan set up where her teacher's are supposed to know her stress trigger points, and I did email them last night after my conversation with her.  Apparently one of the teachers asked her today about how she felt leaving the class, and she told them exactly what she told me - that she's not sure if it is real or not, if it's actually time to leave or that she's dreaming it.  The teacher told her she was going to talk to the guidance manager to see if she knew any more about this.  I'm waiting for them to contact me.

    I have to admit I was quite startled when she told me last night how she felt so knowing that other people know where she is coming from is comforting and gives me an insight into what she might be experiencing.  Thank you.

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