Lots of issues. I need more support.

I'm back from the dentists. I have gingivitis in my gums and a build up of plaque and tartar on my teeth. I need to go back for a cleaning in two weeks. I don't need anything else doing on my teeth. Even though I have some problems, I am still relieved that it isn't severe gum disease, but I am still concerned about my gums

 The dentist and reception staff were very friendly. Surprisingly, I didn't have a meltdown or burst in to tears. The dentist made me feel relaxed. She even put the chair upright and didn't shine the light in my eyes and didn't use a gum probe. She just used a little dental mirror and tool some X rays. If there had been any bone loss, would it have shown up on the X Ray?. How could she tell with the mirror whether there were any loose teeth or not?. 

You've done more to prepare for the appointment than most people, and thought through stuff as much as you can.  So don't worry.  Now you just need to go through with it and see what happens - if they know the considerations, they will do what's best.  I hope the reception staff and dentist are friendly. Mine are friendly and very professional.

I'm not sure if you've done the things you said earlier. They all sound very sensible:

Thank you, Song. I am going to write down my fears to give to the dentist and ask questions. I will take a teddy bear too and some music. I might also ask if they can use a mirror instead of a probe if they have to measure my gums and ask if they can put the chair more upright and if I can wear protective glasses. I will also put my hand up to signal to stop. I'm even anxious about having the cleaning and x rays done. I think I will call the surgery before Thursday to explain these things too. I might need sedation because of my meltdowns though. The anti anxiety meds are a good idea too and asking them to tell me what they are doing is a good idea too. 

Good luck. Facing up to these things is worth it, and I bet it will be fine and a relief afterwards, even if you don't get everything done in one appointment.

I have just got up and I am crying and shaking. I don't know how I am going to get through this. I feel so ashamed. Anytime I feel any twinge or pain in my mouth it makes me panic. I constantly look in the mirror at them too. My appointment is at 10.45am. 

Hi Bethy. If you are here today I'm sure you are worried about tomorrow. 

Betty tonight do anything you can to try and relax, remember that the dentist won t do anything tomorrow that you don't want them to. Self care is what you need tonight, your teddy bear or a nice drink or music under your duvet, whatever helps you. This time tomorrow it will be over with.

Song

I think some of the anxiety may be coming from your anticipation of the dentist's reaction. I keep imagining mine saying "You're not looking after them very well!" and that's another reason I've stayed away.

It might be worth making a list on paper - not all in one go, just as you think of things - which you're worried about at the dentist's. Tell your friend who's going with you that you'd like to discuss these with the dentist before you sit in the chair. Your friend will, hopefully support you in the event that the dentist simply wants to get on with it.

Ask about sedation. I read somewhere that the sedatives make it as though you don't remember the procedure, which I think is a huge plus.

To be honest, I hadn't thought of any of this until I read your original post, so I'm going to give this a try too. Just take it one step at a time. I can't promise it'll be stress free, but hopefully you'll get through it and start enjoying things again.

It might be useful to think of something you used to enjoy and think about why you enjoyed it.

The anxiety from all of this is taking over my life. I feel like I can't enjoy anything anymore and it's all I think about. 

I think I understand. I don't like the sound made when they're pulling them out. I think I have mutant teeth, because they have extra roots and I'm sure at least 4 of them need extracting near the back.

If you have a friend with you, I'm sure you'll find them at least a little re-assuring. Treat yourself after the appointment, you deserve it. If you're feeling too run-down after the appointment, then treat yourself another day, but make time for you.

Thanks. What scares me is I don't know what state mine are in and how much treatment I will need. It's on my mind constantly. I am taking a friend with me too. It's a morning appointment. I have a very small mouth too and I don't like it when they put the X Ray thing in your mouth and I don't like the feeling of metal either or the sounds of drills. 

It was the checkup. I've never liked the feel of metal against my teeth and she was pressing so hard I thought the tooth might break. I'd always tolerated dental treatment as a child but something just got to me that day.

I think you should go to the appointment, even if it's only to discuss the possibility of sedation the next time. If you're brave enough to go, perhaps I can do the same.

Thanks Tony. Should I go to the first appointment on Thursday and then decide about sedation after that?. I have been having panic attacks again today.  We're you supposed to have a lot of treatment or was it the check up that gave you the panic attack?. My bottom front teeth hurt at the moment and look stained and I have receding gums. It's worrying. 

And thanks, Heather-Mod. I will have a look at the webpage and ring the helpline. I was thinking of asking about living in the supported housing in Northenden in Manchester that is mentioned on here. It sounds like they offer the kind of support that I need. 

I remember the last time I had a checkup I had a panic attack. I don't know how many years ago that was, but I'm regretting not going since.

It might be worth talking with your dentist about sedation. It might mean that your next appointment is delayed if there's any further preparation required, but it might work better than a regular appointment.

Hi Bethy,

It sounds like you have a good plan for the dentist, good luck. I hope it all goes really well.  With regards to other support it sounds like you have a already got a lot of information but you might also find something helpful on the NAS website page on adult community care:

http://www.autism.org.uk/about/benefits-care/community-care/adult-care.aspx

You also might find it useful to talk through some options with our Autism Helpline team. You can contact the team via telephone on 0808 800 4104 (Monday to Thursday 10am to 4pm, Friday 9am to 3pm). Please note that the Helpline is experiencing a high volume of calls and it may take a couple of attempts before you get through to speak to an advisor. Alternatively, should you prefer to send a message, you can do so via their webform:

https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/questions.aspx

Please let us know if you need any more information.

Kind regards,

Heather - Mod

Thank you, Song. I am going to write down my fears to give to the dentist and ask questions. I will take a teddy bear too and some music. I might also ask if they can use a mirror instead of a probe if they have to measure my gums and ask if they can put the chair more upright and if I can wear protective glasses. I will also put my hand up to signal to stop. I'm even anxious about having the cleaning and x rays done. I think I will call the surgery before Thursday to explain these things too. I might need sedation because of my meltdowns though. The anti anxiety meds are a good idea too and asking them to tell me what they are doing is a good idea too. 

Thank you , Martian Tom. I will go to my GP

Hathor, what kind of treatment did you need?. I know that I will also have a meltdown when I go there. It's all traumatizing to me. I'm scared that there is something serious wrong though.

Hi Bethy. Please try and go to your dentist. She will be able to refer you to a specialist if she can't treat you. I have had dental phobia most of my life and now don t have most of my teeth but a dentist that is good with phobic people will just talk to you if that is all you can do. If you can do more you can ask them to tell you everything they are doing and touch the stuff they are using. Also they might be able to give you anti anxiety meds before your next appointment and even sedation if that's what you need.

Lastly for to get if you are having treatment you just have to raise your hand and they will stop what they are doing. 

Bethy... try, if you can, to go to that appointment.  You might be surprised.  I think it might be good for you, and might help you if you are worried about your teeth and gums.  You don't need to agree to any treatment on the day.  Perhaps just agree to a check-up.   

I'm an Aspie, too. No offense taken.  If your living conditions aren't right for you, then they aren't right - same as if you were rich and living in an isolated mansion.  Go see your GP, too.  And keep coming here.  Keep talking.

Take care.  Remember, you're worth it.

The dentist I am supposed to see on Thursday was recommended to me as people I know said she is good with anxious patients. I know I will have a meltdown though and be crying and shaking. My phobia is so bad and I have been so scared that  I can't concentrate on anything. 

Thanks for your replies. I have Asperger's Syndrome. I do struggle a lot. I live alone in a council flat which I hate. No offense to others who live in council  flats but it isn't right for me. I only get care from 11am until 12pm or 1pm and I am left alone the rest of the day. I panic about everything all the time.

I am having problems with my teeth and gums which I have had for years. I constantly think about it, always looking in the mirror at them, having meltdowns over them and about going to the dentists. I also have a phobia of brushing them and haven't done for a long time which I am ashamed to say. I think speaking to the GP is a good idea. I also have low vitamin D and anaemia at the moment too. I am on medication for them and I am on prozac. 

I hope you can find some help and, as per Martian Tom's recommendation, I think the best first step might be your GP. They can refer you to all sorts of help. Your social worker sounds like a dud. Would you be able to request someone else? I know with counsellors you can ask to switch to another if you don't feel ok with them so I hope it's the same with social workers too.

With regard to your dental appointment, I was wondering if you could cancel it. Last time I went for treatment I was feeling very bad and the whole half hour was just a meltdown of me crying and being wholly unable to have any treatment. Unless you need work doing urgently it may be best to postpone it if you can. My last trip has made me even more fearful of returning and I wouldn't like this to potentially happen to you, too.

Good luck getting some food and sorting things out. You're clearly having a very tough time right now and I'm sorry.