Are there any women here?

Your reply looks fine to me! A year is a long time to wait. Here, in Belgium I had to wait for several months, and the tests were spread out over several weeks and it cost 300 EUR in a private centre. Do you get good advice and support once you get the diagnosis? Have you been able to share it with family/friends/colleagues? Or is it all a bit tricky?

Hi I’m a 56 female, I was officially diagnosed with ASD Aspergers at end of January, after waiting over year on NHS waiting list. I have posted hear before, but not done so for a while. Get a bit muddled as to how one should reply, so I hope I am using the right bit.

I'm new too!

And a woman too!

Hoping to get diagnosed so I can be a new woman! 

I’m new here and also of the female variety! I’m 35 *wave*

It seems to be a common theme (amongst those of us with children anyway) that people attend assessments for their kids, and end up with the psychologist asking them if they have ever considered that they may be on the spectrum.

I didn't find out until I was 46, although my grandfather had Asperger's (not a diagnosis in his day, but if you knew him, undisputable!) and my mother can now see a lot of similarities since finding out more following my diagnosis. The slightly sad thing is that he passed away before I found out, and I think my mum beats herself up a bit about times when she was intolerant of him/his feelings, not knowing at the time what he was dealing with, or how it affected him. 

In my humble opinion, it's good to know, if only for the sake of self-awareness! It also helps those around us to understand when we might be struggling, where they might otherwise be unaware of what is going on. On the bright side, chances are you will be well placed to understand any struggles that your son has, having gone through them (even unknowingly) yourself!

Hello.  Thank you for the discussion. I came on here initially for my son who has a ASD diagnosis.  The drs unofficially diagnosed me too! I've been browsing the forums and they have given me so much support as a parent and much to my surprise for me too! I'm 38 and work in a school. 

Hi

I am a 39 year old woman, diagnosed with Asperger's almost exactly one year ago. It's great to hear from other women on here, I identify with a lot of what you are saying! I've been meaning to post here to ask a question actually, and this seems like a good thread to post it on

Can anyone recommend a good, accessible, not too lengthy book I can give my mum to read that explains AS disorders, preferably in women and girls, child and adult. My diagnosis is quite new, I have a reasonably good relationship with my parents but I live quite far from them, have done for almost 20 years, so I only see them maybe twice a year. I feel very frustrated trying to explain to them how my ASD affects me because I am not around them regularly and they are not really part of my day to day life. I am usually ok at social situations, and my mum is a bit old school and a bit of that mindset where I think she suspects there is nothing really wrong, that it is 'just a label', she even came out with the classic 'well, everyone's a bit autistic'!

I'm hoping there is something out there! 

Thanks

Bless you, I felt every word of that and each resonated with me and oddly I wanted to give you a hug and I don't do hugs or those horrible kisses on each cheek either! Yuk!

But I felt that genuinely.  

I feel kind of on the outside.  However the good news is that here we find our herd!  I don't like the analogy of the black sheep because of the racial undertones and so that's said with no intention of that . . . do you overthink? I do!  I also have ADHD.

I think the only thing for it, is to keep sharing and keep connecting here because here is the place where you are understood and accepted and you don't have to 'be' anything other than what you are.  What you are is 'good enough' and 'perfectly acceptable'.

I have a husband who accepts me for exactly who I am and that does make it all easier.

I agree that people want to see 'outward signs' which flies in the face of all the hard work I've done to camouflage and conceal!  I don't know how old you are but I've been less inclined to hide since I've got older (I'm 43). I can't be bothered and I don't care anymore.  It's all so very tiring!  

Lovely to hear you share Procrastinator.

It is exactly what I am grappling with at the moment. I told several friends, but now I am freaking out that they told others because of some reactions I got, and I think, they must know. A music teacher made this remark about not knowing how to access my world and that made me think these other students might have told him :( and it makes me feel like less of a human.

I guess I feel vulnerable about not being accepted and doing stuff wrong, I put a lot of effort into people liking me and being sociable. One part of me still thinks: "am I really autistic, do I really have this excuse, is it bad enough"? Another part of me worries: "do I really come across as autistic, even when I put so much effort into being accepted?". Also, I also have ADHD and this is sometimes the opposite of what people expect ASD to be... I really do have both sides and I find it hard to accommodate both sides.

There are also the people who think autism is just a hype like ADHD was and "everyone is getting a label". "There is nothing wrong with you". But I felt equally bad, when a college friend now GP, I hadn't seen for a very long time said very matter of factly: oh good you got the ASD diagnosis, I always thought you had aspergers at uni... I wanted to grab her and squeeze her and say: what did you notice, what did I do wrong, what, why what the ****. But to this day, I somehow can't bring myself to ask, because I can't cope with the answer.

I know people always laugh with and at me for my tendency to do and say things slightly wrong and come up with trivia and go off on a tangent. I feel the healthcare professional think all my medical complaints are just psychological just because I'm autistic (it has been put in the government computer system). It would be interesting in a separate thread to talk about certain ailments that might be typical with ASD females?

I think I have become a bit less strict with myself, so maybe I sometimes behave a bit more autistic? I tell friends now they cannot ring my doorbel a second before the appointed time and tell them they MUST text me if they are more than ten minutes late. And I always arrange a finishing time alongside the starting time e.g. for visits. I time my departure schedules minute by minute on a chalkboard. And embarrassingly I have taken to wearing earmuffs when I go to a tearoom by myself (otherwise I can't read a book) and I I often wear it in trains too. I am a bit embarrassed to wear it on the local buses though, then I might use regular earplugs.

I was pretty annoyed a therapist said my autism wasn't "that bad", making the comparison to the actress of  the series The Bridge who "had it worse", and I felt annoyed, because this figure makes no effort whatsoever to be kind, nice and empathetic. It was enlightening to read in a book that professionals should start appraising autism from the inside out instead of focusing on the manifestation - but that they should take the experiences and stresses into account which are not always visible, especially with chameleon females, who do their best to please and are specialists in superficial social interactions.

But it is true I make less of an effort now sociably. I am more aware of social hierarchy and I will often avoid fraternising with the "socially cool people" because it leaves me feeling wretched afterwards. I take more of a back seat and try not to initiate too much conversation with these people. These kinds of people are the people who look at me most blankly. They somehow don't seem to get me. There are exceptions though.

I’m a female in my 20s and I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome when I was 16 - you most certainly would not be alone as an autistic female. Best wishes with seeking a diagnosis.

Good to meet you Leen... yes, people don’t seem to get the leap to understanding “other minds” or how life can be quite different if you process things differently! Glad you’re here x

*woman*

Exactly! I feel so much more relaxed now that I know I have autism.  Let the others do the work now!!  Though, I must admit that when I meet people (even people I have known for ages), I can't help wondering if they notice and that distracts me from the conversation, so then I think they never noticed before (when even I didn't know), but because I am thinking of my ASD, maybe they do now ...  Bit of a vicious circle, I know ...  My husband asks me why I don't just tell everybody about my diagnosis instead of just a few good friends.  The actual reason is twofold : I am scared they will treat me like I am a retard or they will minimise it or they just won't believe me even.  Is this crazy?

Yes I agree.  I told someone the other day that I was diagnosed with Adult ADHD last year and that I'm going through an Aspergers diagnosis at the moment.  Their response "it's a bit late now for that isn't it" . . . .Erm No, this doesn't stop in childhood! I am medicated for my adult ADHD and it affects me every day as does the ASD.  Honestly most of the time you are not dealing with the higher planes of intellect and insight with people so really what can you expect?  Understanding is really very limited by personal experience. I don't really genuinely care what they think one way or another though to be honest :O  I have learned that pretty much it doesn't matter what you tell people in the end they think what they want to!!

For me it's a licence to be different so that I don't have to keep excusing myself or feeling guilty about who I am.  Odd that it should take a label to bring about this self acceptance but there it is :O x

Yes, It is so frustrating getting the: "oh everyone is a bit autistic". and "gosh it is quite fascinating, that everyone is getting labels nowadays" and commonly "oh you are fine the way you are, don't change". Sometimes, when people don't mention it again, I worry they think I was just attention seeking or making things up. I have stopped telling people I am autistic and just tell them about my needs: "I am sensitive to sensory overload etc... " and "I need 10 hours of sleep (good excuse for early retreat from a party")

Hi, I'm here too. Also in Belgium.  I'm 45, got diagnosed two years ago. I still struggle with understanding my diagnosis. On some days I feel I just need to pull myself together and get going and sort out my life, that ASD is no excuse  - on other days I am grateful I am starting to understand the way I feel (feeling awful after social occasions, for example - even though I love being sociable). I also have ADHD, which makes that on the one hand I pursue stimulation, but on the other hand it tires me and I can't handle it. I generally feel disappointed that my life didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. At the moment I also have energy issues (ME?), I was also infected with Lyme disease several years ago now. Good luck with seeking diagnosis! 

I'm new and a woman

Hi

I am a 51 year old women, diagnosed 1.5 years ago with ASD.

Never in my life did I feel "average" (or normal, haha), until I got diagnosed with ASD after having suffered for years from burn-out, leaky gut, Graves disease, depression, ...  Now, I seem to be quite a classic case :-)

After the diagnosis I kind of expected for everything to change, but that does not happen.  Even when you tell people, they hardly react.  Only two people asked me if they could read a book about it, to help them understand me better.  After telling friends or relatives about my diagnosis, they never mentioned it again.  I think they are afraid to "make it worse" by acknowledging it, but in fact, it is just the other way round.  It does make me feel more relaxed and at peace with myself on the plus side.

Good luck on your journey and don't hesitate to ask me whatever you want to know!

Leen

You’re not alone...and that’s what makes us paranoid! :)

Greetings... "3 days" later, from myself...

...As if in attempt to bring this Thread back up to the Fore... (yet just as my EReader has decided to go "peculiar",.. Modern technology is marvellous, apparently... not so much...)

I have been a'reading, and now that it all seems over, I shall confess to my unintentionally causing here a Sub-Thread, saving the curiosity of starting a completely separate Thread, the subject of which was indeed going to be "No Children?", similar to.my "Vacations, never?" Thread... yet I need not do so after this...! For what it is worth, Thank You Kindly to all - Women and Men - who Posted upon that subject. Glad to know more about how much I am not alone, there.     :-)