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Friendships are hard and post-diagnosis

_Poetchi

Hey everyone, 

I am recently diagnosed autistic (have known my whole life but was diagnosed with OCD instead). Since getting my diagnosis I have found it really difficult to mask, which in a lot of ways is really good but in other ways it’s making me realise that actually I don’t really have any friends who know the real me. 

I’m 26 and have 0 social life, I basically just go to work and uni then come home again… I was wondering how you all find adult friendships when being autistic, as I often find them quite draining/ confusing but also I feel lonely. 

I’d love if there was a big group just for autistic women to make pals in, and I’m going to have a look at some groups in my local area I can maybe attend if they are online, as getting public transport can put me off going out really easily. 

Anyway, this is my first post on here and I hope you all have a lovely day :) 

  • Hello Poetchi, 

    I am also 26 and have struggled to make friends out of formal education. It is a challenge for us Autistic people and one that I ignored for a long time. Now that I am starting to understand my Autistic traits though, I am finding socialising slightly less intimidating. 

    Now I attend a weekly online group that fits around my work which is nice. I find online groups less draining on my energy definitely.

    It may be easier to start out with an online group you can find and then graduating to an in person social event...

  • Hi _Poetchi.

    I am a 55 woman and have now spent my life withdrawing further and further from people because no matter how hard i try i just find being friends so difficult, i never know how to take people and constantly seem to say the wrong thing then get all anxious trying to put right something right that i dont even understand. 

    Keep trying and know that we are lovely, worthwhile members of this world.

    well done on your first post.

    Hope your day is full of positive moments.

  • Dear  ! I am at the beginning of making friendships. Bumble BFF helped me find one good connection and I joined a coworing office as a volunteer where a lot of asd member work indipendently but fisically together. Butterfly What do you think?

  • in reply to _Poetchi

    Aww that’s nice, I love the theatre my favourite is Blood brothers. Not feeling very festive myself but I’m glad you are Grinning. I like the grinch but I love “Klaus” 

  • in reply to kiwipip

    That’s my favourite way to hang out! I call it alone together- doing different things but  in the same room 

  • in reply to Villanelle89

    Aw that is so lovely- I’ve been good, I went to the theatre this week and it was so nice! I’m feeling very in the holiday spirit… is anyone else in the festive mood? What’s everyone’s favourite Xmas movie if you have one? Mine is always gonna be the grinch! 

  • in reply to kiwipip

    Thank you, I’m glad someone else sees that not just me. Appreciate you taking the time to respond. 

  • in reply to Villanelle89

    They shouldn’t gas light you and your emotions and thoughts are as valid as anybody else’s. Humans have feelings and it sounds more like they aren’t very good people and it’s a normal response to want to know why especially when they’ve given no answers or discussion 

  • Yeah I’m lucky I tend to text a lot when I have something on my mind from a situation I can’t understand or process but they know what I’m like and are happy to have about 30 messages over explaining and then I go round in loops thinking I’ve explained it wrong and then decide I’ve used the not so precise language that they may interpret it wrongly so give myself anxiety…. All before they’ve even read my message Joy. Luckily my friends are good and usually get me early on anyway.

    i have old friends who know I prefer a comfortable silence or a game of blackjack etc so let me have some peace with company which is nice. It’s hard making friends when you meet people who like going clubbing and things or to the horse races and chaotic activities 

  • I have never found it very difficult to make friends, or at least strike up friendly acquaintanceships. I can usually find some sort of common ground with most people, though I have no ability to talk about sport. Keeping friendships going is more difficult. All my lasting friendships date from my schooldays/teenage years. The friends I made at university were geographically widely spread and friendships gradually petered out largely because of that. I'm afraid that friendships take effort to maintain. I often feel that making Zoom calls, answering emails and writing greetings cards is draining, but I realise that they are necessary.

    I have come to a personal realisation that the 'real me' is a complex amalgam of autism and masking/camouflaging strategies. The twain are inextricably linked. Though some relationships are of like to like, the best man at my wedding has an autistic son, opposites can also form lasting friendships. One of my friends is a professional actor, the opposite of me in personality, gregarious, extrovert and charismatic. However, we have been friends from our schooldays.

  • in reply to _Poetchi

    I’m finding a get a warm reception on this platform which is refreshing. Thank you for sharing your story it was a joy to read. Mine was very similar to yours I was so happy to realise it’s not just me. How are things? 

  • in reply to _Poetchi

    My daughter loves HHP dlc. You basically get to design holiday homes based on a theme set by the islander moving in, and you get access to the whole catalogue. (It's a bit like if you've done the wedding season). So if you love designing rooms, it's a lot of fun!

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Kabuki’s design is so awesome! I’d love him on my island if I ever do a cat themed one Cat2 that sounds so lovely that your daughter plays too! 

    I’ve been looking into Happy Home Paradise for AC… does that get you more furniture/ items? I’m not too familiar with the DLC 

  • in reply to Wib

     Oh AC chat. I haven't played it in years, but Cherry was one of my first residents on NH, and I have her picture, though my daughter's now taken over my island and her favourite is Sylvania - she sends her all my gold roses.

    I also like Kabuki, cranky types are always funny.

    Just dropping you in      as I know you love a bit of animal crossing chat. 

  • in reply to Wib

    I love Ketchup but I also loved having Egbert on my island he is so cute !! Right now I'm replaying Moonglow Bay, it’s a super cosy game where you catch fish and befriend villagers and cook their fave meals for them and in return they tell you stories Blowfish

  • in reply to _Poetchi

    Thank you it’s my favourite game !! Do you have a favourite villager ? :)) 

  • in reply to ArchaeC

    My interests are planes, gaming and crafting so I think I am definitely going to try and find some groups that have the same interests as me! Thanks so much for the warm welcome 

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Thanks so much for this warm welcome- I’m feeling so much less alone in this!

  • in reply to profdanger

    Thank you for sharing this! This is really lovely- I’m thinking about joining a group at my local community centre, or having a look at my Uni societies to see what’s there! I’m so happy you have found a solid group of friends :) 

  • in reply to Villanelle89

    Welcome to you as well! I’ve had such a warm welcome to the group so far it’s been so lovely smiling face with hearts I’m rooting for all of us to find friends who get us !!