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Friendships are hard and post-diagnosis

_Poetchi

Hey everyone, 

I am recently diagnosed autistic (have known my whole life but was diagnosed with OCD instead). Since getting my diagnosis I have found it really difficult to mask, which in a lot of ways is really good but in other ways it’s making me realise that actually I don’t really have any friends who know the real me. 

I’m 26 and have 0 social life, I basically just go to work and uni then come home again… I was wondering how you all find adult friendships when being autistic, as I often find them quite draining/ confusing but also I feel lonely. 

I’d love if there was a big group just for autistic women to make pals in, and I’m going to have a look at some groups in my local area I can maybe attend if they are online, as getting public transport can put me off going out really easily. 

Anyway, this is my first post on here and I hope you all have a lovely day :) 

  • in reply to _Poetchi

    My daughter loves HHP dlc. You basically get to design holiday homes based on a theme set by the islander moving in, and you get access to the whole catalogue. (It's a bit like if you've done the wedding season). So if you love designing rooms, it's a lot of fun!

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Kabuki’s design is so awesome! I’d love him on my island if I ever do a cat themed one Cat2 that sounds so lovely that your daughter plays too! 

    I’ve been looking into Happy Home Paradise for AC… does that get you more furniture/ items? I’m not too familiar with the DLC 

  • in reply to Wib

     Oh AC chat. I haven't played it in years, but Cherry was one of my first residents on NH, and I have her picture, though my daughter's now taken over my island and her favourite is Sylvania - she sends her all my gold roses.

    I also like Kabuki, cranky types are always funny.

    Just dropping you in      as I know you love a bit of animal crossing chat. 

  • in reply to Wib

    I love Ketchup but I also loved having Egbert on my island he is so cute !! Right now I'm replaying Moonglow Bay, it’s a super cosy game where you catch fish and befriend villagers and cook their fave meals for them and in return they tell you stories Blowfish

  • in reply to _Poetchi

    Thank you it’s my favourite game !! Do you have a favourite villager ? :)) 

  • in reply to ArchaeC

    My interests are planes, gaming and crafting so I think I am definitely going to try and find some groups that have the same interests as me! Thanks so much for the warm welcome 

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Thanks so much for this warm welcome- I’m feeling so much less alone in this!

  • in reply to profdanger

    Thank you for sharing this! This is really lovely- I’m thinking about joining a group at my local community centre, or having a look at my Uni societies to see what’s there! I’m so happy you have found a solid group of friends :) 

  • in reply to NAS88746

    Welcome to you as well! I’ve had such a warm welcome to the group so far it’s been so lovely smiling face with hearts I’m rooting for all of us to find friends who get us !! 

  • in reply to Wib

    It can be really hard especially when you don’t know where to start! I love your profile pic btw- animal crossing is such a cosy game Two hearts this post has been so nice in making me realise I’m not alone in all of this!! 

  • Don’t worry you’re not alone in this !! I have been wanting to make more friends especially neurodivergent friends for a while but I don’t know where to start it’s hard to navigate. I wish you the best 

  • in reply to NAS88746

    Lovely to have you here too! I would say more, but it's post school pick up and it always takes me a bit to settle back down after that and my brain to start working again!

  • I hear you and I love that I’ve found this post. I signed up today to write this. Friendship are soooo hard i would love to find a group of autistic women lol. So I’ve been recently diagnosed which then made a lot of my life make sense. I’ve never really had friends and struggled to feel accepted or wanted by people as I don’t understand them or they find me too emotional or too much over what they find strange reasons. Recently the past year I made some friends but after my diagnosis which I told them about they began gaslighting me, saying oh you’re only upset about that because you have ASD etc. I spoke to family who were troubled by this and pointed out these people were not being true friends. I didn’t walk away with my head held high oh no, I cried, begged for their friendship asked for reasons why because I needed to understand what I had done wrong, because there must be something wrong with me right? I’m now at the point where I’ve realised as painful as it is to admit the truth is they don’t understand me and have turned away. I need to do the same I find people who truly get me, so here I am reaching out 

  • Good morning from America, _Poetchi!

    _Poetchi said:
    but was diagnosed with OCD instead

    Man, I feel like I hear of women getting diagnosed with OCD and BPD instead of ASD all the time. That’s a shame it was delayed, but I’m glad to hear that you are diagnosed ASD now!

    So for me, most of my friends I made while I was a university student. I don’t know how they could and can stand to be around me, but since it’s been over ten years since college I’m pretty certain by now they’ve seen the real me. I think most of them I met via a shared interest (marching band). They’re all over the United States now, none of them live near me, so our communication is solely texting and video chat via Discord. Sometimes it just takes some time and patience to see who sticks around.

  • Hello  

    Welcome to the community! 

    Many autistic people struggle with friendships and find them draining, so you are not on your own. I struggled with friendships but I have found it easier to stay friends with just a few people as I’ve grown older. My close friends have dogs (one of my interests), and my dogs and I enjoy meeting one or other for a walk and sometimes we have breakfast or lunch. I rarely do any other type of socialising.

    I am wondering if your university has a Neurodiversity Officer? They might have suggestions for suitable groups that would cater to your interests.

  • I just wanted to say hi and I hope congratulations on your diagnosis and I hope it brings you answers. 

    Friendships are really tough, I'm not a good example as I don't have a social life either, but I just wanted you to know you were definitely not alone in finding it hard. I hope you can find a good group as I think you need it more when you are young! 

  • Welcome to the community, _Poetchi! The NAS website has a directory of services for autistic people and you might be able to find leisure activities in your area. Here is the link to our directory: https://www.autism.org.uk/autism-services-directory

    Wishing you all the best,

    Karin Mod