Help

Hello John

Sorry to hear that your daughter is finding it challenging to settle at bedtime, it’s hard to witness them being in distress and it’s hard for parents and caregivers too.

This is something my son has struggled with, once settled he rarely wakes but it’s very difficult for him to settle. I think bedtimes are a time for most of us to reflect on the day or even try to predict what tomorrow will bring. 

I found lying with my son and using distraction helped, I would talk about things they might find amusing or interesting. I found trying to talk about what it was that was causing him discomfort was not helpful (to him). He was not able to understand why or what had even caused him to feel “sad” in his words. 

Prior to bedtime we found engaging with him in some calm play was also helpful for example playing with modelling clay, colouring, drawing or even some free building with Lego. I think this helped him to know that bedtime was approaching.

This is not medical advice but just wanted to let you know what has been helpful for us. We also use as and when needed a completely natural gummie that helps produce Melatonin naturally which has really helped, it may be worth looking into and talking to your Gp but as I said it’s been beneficial for my son. 

During the school holidays my son has been pretty much worry free but his struggles start with the build up to school and then when he is back in school there is a noticeable difference in his wellbeing and anxiety.

We had items that we used to make him comfortable in bed also and it became a necessity. We used a hot water bottle, an audible sleep mask with brown noise playing on it, weighted blanket, lots of his soft teddies and a quiet fidget toy. 

It is tough going but you will find a way to manage I’m sure. Perhaps journal each bedtime to be able to look back and see what worked and what was unhelpful, then you can piece it together and have a reliable sleep plan.

I wish you well

Take5

Thanks iian

Thanks Chloe 

John1234John said:

We don’t understand what starts or stops the shutdowns 

It may be worth keeping a detailed diary of the hour or so before bedtime and see what common things happen each time.

Maybe washing and brushing teeth could be done a while earlier as these can be stressers, maybe leaving her alone for longer can identify if there is an element of separation anxiety etc - basically eliminating things systematically to see which ones have positive or negative effects should help.

It may also be the bed itself or lack of light that are triggers - maybe ask if she wants to change anything in her room to see if she is positive about one or more aspect.

If you cannot break the inertia and association she has with bedtime = stress time then consider some light medication to help her sleep. Your GP should be able to advise what is suitable for her (there are plenty of natural options so drugs are not needed I suspect).

Hello John1234John 

Im sorry to hear that you've been experiencing some challenging behaviour with your daughter during the Summer holidays. You may like to have a look at our pages from the NAS on managing distressed behaviour, where you may find some useful advice on ways in which to support your daughter during these episodes: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/distressed-behaviour

I hope this helps,

ChloeMod

Perhaps give an advanced warning of bed time, so say to her “10 minutes”. It could well be she is struggling with switching tasks and suddenly being told it’s bedtime without warning may trigger extreme anxiety. The outbursts of violence may be because of a perceived lack of control over the situation. Night times I find are the worst for me, the world shuts down and you are aware there isn’t much going on to keep you occupied.