Everyday life

Thankyou I’ll have a look :)

Hi Gracie - welcome back and congratulations on your autism diagnosis!

I'm very sorry to hear that you're struggling.

Unfortunately, it's not at all unusual for us to have problems with anxiety and/or other mental health issues (which you've also mentioned here before) - as I also do myself.

You might find the following NAS resources, along with their practical advice, helpful:

NAS - Anxiety

NAS - Depression

NAS - OCD

It is not unusual to have increased levels of anxiety when dealing with such situations, and I wonder if this is something you've spoken to anyone about - separately from ADHD/ASD?  

You can in fact refer yourself to primary care in your area if you need help with anxiety disorders - you'd not need input from your GP.   This would tend to be talking therapies, which can often be online these days.

It is also possible that your college may offer support to students generally, or specifically for those with certain conditions.  

If you do feel you need medical support, or a diagnosis - please do contact your GP for a professional opinion.  

Hi Gracie, I do also struggle with things like you described. 

You mentioned your anxiety doesn't stem from the same reasons as that experienced by your friends.  That insight might be a helpful place from which to start trying out strategies particular to what you need (rather than worrying about what others would need / do and how different it is for you).  I try to get myself to accept that my unique problem really does need a personalised solution (and however uncomfortable the prospect, to achieve a better outcome or experience (or get something done at all): I might need to ask people for specific help with particular steps in my strategy).

I find it necessary to break the (mammoth hurdle to me, but insignificant to others) "problem" down into steps of action, or periods of time with mini-rest points built in between stressor phases of the endeavour.

Last year there was something I needed to attend (which hit the top stop of "how can I do it?" anxiety level.  Having watched the below 6 minute video, I experimented with tackling that big challenge; by planning how to break it into more manageable components and thinking about, per component: "what could help, who might be able to help, what would I need to feel confident to know beforehand" ...and reminding myself that it is worth risking asking people for (specific) help - but I might have to tell them why I need that help (because they wouldn't be able to guess "it" as it wouldn't worry them as it does me).

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LSeNmfT9yt8 

Sorry to warn you ...one of the steps involved in the below example involves taking a bus route new to me.  I won't list all the before and after steps, here is an overview of just the bus journey part of the challenge (travel solo to a vital Hospital appointment which is at a venue I have never visited before):

Want to feel more confident beforehand by: download the PDF timetable onto smartphone so I can refer to it if the ideal bus doesn't behave the way I expected.  Know the bus ticket price and have two payment options ready: a small coin purse with the right amount of money and a contactless debit card with access to sufficient balance in my bank account.  Read the timetable so I know which bus stop letter I am looking for or might need to ask someone to point out for me.

Stress mitigation: arrive early at the Park & Ride car park a) to get out of the car and "stop car travelling" by having a short walk around outdoors for a bit and b) be there in good time, despite whatever the traffic had meant, for getting the the bus which is the one before the last one likely to arrive at the Hospital in time for allowing me to find the new Hospital Clinic 

Take the calculated risk of asking for specific help from the Bus Driver, by explaining why it is important and why I have extra stress which might not be obvious from my blank facial expression (I also had this written on a piece of paper in my bag; in case I were too stressed to speak and needed to instead show the Driver what I wanted to say, or maybe show a fellow passenger if the Driver were to be unhelpful, ...none of which  proved necessary on the day):

"Good morning, please could you help me, I have a hidden disability and I am stressed because this route is new to me and I need to attend an urgent appointment at building "x" on the Hospital site.  Please could you say to me when we reach the right Bus Stop for the Hospital?".

(This was necessary as the bus timetables by that company often only lists major stops and not all the interim ones stopped at, so you cannot countdown the stops to know where you are, plus their app is utterly rubbish, and that company's Drivers rarely put on the digital display board in the bus which advertises "the next stop is .. " because the system is unreliable as it operates from the ideal timetable timings not the real World as per current location and traffic jams.  Also the Hospital's site map PDF was really pretty poor and didn't translate at all well to internet or physical maps of the urban area ...the instructions all seemed to assume travel either by walking or cycling ... despite that Hospital serving patients from across a large County area). 

The Bus Driver nodded to me and then said something super-helpful, which was more supportive than I could have anticipated: that he would actually stop at the one before the Hospital site and tell me when - as from there: you could see the correct building to walk towards (because the main Hospital stop was actually way over on the other side of the site, with lots of buildings in between).  Result!

Having got the penultimate timed bus and then walked straight to the required appointment building, I then had plenty of time to find the clinic location and even spare time enough for having a coffee in that building's cafe.  Bus = tick.  Found the building and clinic = tick.  (Admittedly, I was still really anxious about the sensory prospect of the clinic's large, busy, waiting room ...trying not to worry, as I knew I had another strategy step plus assistance request planned for that hassle too).  And so on.

Hope you liked the video as much as I did.  For me, it helped me to think differently about that looming "monster anxiety" event (and helped me to gain a better outcome on the day of travelling by bus to my Hospital appointment). 

I found out about the video from this webpage of anxiety management ideas:

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/anxiety#Advice%20and%20tips 

Gracie said:

It’s just been really hard recently and I feel really lost at how to cope

Have you worked with a pychotherapist with experience in working with autists?

It does sound like your anxiety is taking over some important aspects of your life so my approach in your shoes would be to get a therapist who understand my unique challenges and work on getting to the route cause of the anxiety, develop coping mechanisms that work for you and deal with whatever underlying cause is making the anxiety so bad (it seems to be trauma related in most cases).

A useful skill I learned long ago that helps me with the anxiety is Mindfulness. It helps me use my concious mind to shut down the intrusive caremongering from my subconcious mind by using rationalisation techniques.

It take a lot of practice but when used in conjunction with meditation has allowed me to take on all sorts of challenges in life.

Not everyone gets on with it though for whatever reason so it isn't a sure-fire solution.