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Late Diagnosis

DinoMitePink

I am very new to this so I have no idea what I'm really doing. 

I'm a 22 year old female who got diagnosed with autism last May. Autism was not anything I had considered before, despite many online tests telling me otherwise I didn't bat an eyelid at them and assumed I cant be autistic. I have been in therapy since I was 16 (inconsecutively due to wait times) for anxiety and depression but I always felt different and that there was something else. Last year my current therapist told me she thinks I have autism and with my permission she would like me to get diagnosed, I was desperate for an answer so of course I said yes and in May I was told. 

I feel like since being diagnosed my eyes have been opened and a lot of things makes so much sense but it has also been a very hard pill for me to swallow. I sometimes see autism as a burden and confuse myself into a fit of who I am. What part of me is me and what part is because Im autistic? Im trying to change my mindset to I am me because Im autistic but sometimes this doesnt help either. Sometimes I will cry for hours because I dont want to be autistic and I feel like no one arounds me understands as I dont know anyone else autistic. I have always struggled with friendships and currently have none which often makes me feel lonely and frustrated, and I blame autism. I blame autism for a lot of things and think if I was neurotypical I wouldnt feel this way, but I dont know how to stop blaming autism and stop seeing it as a burden on my life. 

I am currently undergoing an apprenticeship and I find myself really struggling with the style of work as it is very much self-taught and I often find my brain cannot fathom learning on its own, again I dont know if this is because im autistic but I find myself blaming autism all over again. I know im smart enough to do the work but then I sit frustrated for hours staring at a blank screen because I dont know how to form a sentence and I dont know how to change that. I went through education, and came out with good grades but I struggled all the way through espeically when it came to writting down my knowledge. Is this common in autism? 

I dont even know if this makes sense or if anyone will be able to relate to how I feel, I think because I have just been diagnosed this is all still new to me and its a big change that I dont know how to manage that. Sorry for the long post its very hard for me to communicate how I feel about being diagnosed and I want to clarify I never regret being diagnosed as it has helped answer a lot of everyday questions and made me a lot less hard on myself. It did feel like a weight off my shoulders being diagnosed I just now feel I dont know what to do with the information. 

Thank you if you read to the end, I would love an advise or opinions.  

Parents

  • It could be autism, it could be ADHD, it could be a mixture, it could be the knowledge you've been diagnosed playing havoc with your brain & making you feel you can't do things when you can.  I'd not like to speculate.

    I can relate.  If I were you I'd be doing an online ADHD test, purely out of curiosity.  https://www.clinical-partners.co.uk/for-adults/adult-adhd-add/test-for-adhd

    Learning toward school examinations is a totally different type of learning than the type you are currently faced with, as you've noticed.  However plenty of neuro-typical individuals struggle with conventional learning or what you now face - or both.  It is a fact that some find it easier to absorb material that is placed in front of them rather than to learn on-the-job as it were. 

    It does sound that you need some support, and it is good that you've found this forum.  Others will tell of their experiences, and that will make you feel less isolated.  I'd be heading to my GP to see if they can potentially refer you to some local support - either through the NHS or otherwise - for those with ASD.  You may wish to pursue the ADHD line should it be something that chimes with you also.  

    It is difficult when 95% of the population aren't neuro-diverse.  Perhaps you could also find out if there are any ASD groups in your local area, or potentially join groups for any special interests you may have too. 

    Incidentally.  My first experience of going blank and not being able to absorb was when I was revising for GCSEs.  The pressure got to a point that I literally couldn't take anything in anymore, and that, coupled with a parent who got frustrated and angry that I wasn't doing my best - as he saw it - just trebled the problem.  I guess my brain shutdown.   Whatever the cause, you need some help finding a solution.  

  • in reply to overwhelmed & underwhelmed

    Thank you for your reply, interestingly enough growing up I thought I had ADHD to the point I got referred by my GP to be diagnosed and I have been on the waiting list for 3 years now, it just so happens I was diagnosed with autism first. I feel like that threw me off guard as I always just assumed it was ADHD and that was deemed a "safe" diagnosis so when I was told it was something else (instead or as well as) it caused me to spiral. 

  • in reply to DinoMitePink
    DinoMitePink said:
    I thought I had ADHD to the point I got referred by my GP to be diagnosed

    There is a good article explaining the Autism ADHD shared symptoms that may help you identify if what you experience goes beyond autisms scope:

    https://neurodivergentinsights.com/misdiagnosis-monday/adhd-vs-autism/

  • in reply to Iain

    Thank you I really apricate you sharing this!

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