Late Diagnosis

I am very new to this so I have no idea what I'm really doing.

I'm a 22 year old female who got diagnosed with autism last May. Autism was not anything I had considered before, despite many online tests telling me otherwise I didn't bat an eyelid at them and assumed I cant be autistic. I have been in therapy since I was 16 (inconsecutively due to wait times) for anxiety and depression but I always felt different and that there was something else. Last year my current therapist told me she thinks I have autism and with my permission she would like me to get diagnosed, I was desperate for an answer so of course I said yes and in May I was told.

I feel like since being diagnosed my eyes have been opened and a lot of things makes so much sense but it has also been a very hard pill for me to swallow. I sometimes see autism as a burden and confuse myself into a fit of who I am. What part of me is me and what part is because Im autistic? Im trying to change my mindset to I am me because Im autistic but sometimes this doesnt help either. Sometimes I will cry for hours because I dont want to be autistic and I feel like no one arounds me understands as I dont know anyone else autistic. I have always struggled with friendships and currently have none which often makes me feel lonely and frustrated, and I blame autism. I blame autism for a lot of things and think if I was neurotypical I wouldnt feel this way, but I dont know how to stop blaming autism and stop seeing it as a burden on my life.

I am currently undergoing an apprenticeship and I find myself really struggling with the style of work as it is very much self-taught and I often find my brain cannot fathom learning on its own, again I dont know if this is because im autistic but I find myself blaming autism all over again. I know im smart enough to do the work but then I sit frustrated for hours staring at a blank screen because I dont know how to form a sentence and I dont know how to change that. I went through education, and came out with good grades but I struggled all the way through espeically when it came to writting down my knowledge. Is this common in autism?

I dont even know if this makes sense or if anyone will be able to relate to how I feel, I think because I have just been diagnosed this is all still new to me and its a big change that I dont know how to manage that. Sorry for the long post its very hard for me to communicate how I feel about being diagnosed and I want to clarify I never regret being diagnosed as it has helped answer a lot of everyday questions and made me a lot less hard on myself. It did feel like a weight off my shoulders being diagnosed I just now feel I dont know what to do with the information.

Thank you if you read to the end, I would love an advise or opinions.

Parents

Lotus 2 months ago

Hi and welcome. I'm a woman in my sixties and for most of my life if someone had suggested I might be autistic I'd have thought they were a bit crazy. Then when I was in my fifties I watched a documentary featuring an autistic woman and realised I was a lot like her. To be honest, before that I didn't really know what autism was.

I have also sometimes wished I was more like other people, but we can't change who we are. Although we struggle with some things, we also have positive attributes, which can include problem solving skills, retention of facts, creativity, attention to detail, hyper focus, honesty and loyalty. This means that we can fill the skills gaps in teams where the others are not autistic, for example they might see the big picture but we can see the details.

I'm surprised that you are expected to be self taught while doing an apprenticeship - you should have a mentor and they should be able to guide you if you are stuck. Don't be afraid to ask for help, and tell them how you learn best - whether it's that you need more clear unambiguous instructions, or more structured questions, or information in the form of pictures or diagrams. Your employer/trainers have a responsibility to make reasonable adjustments for you.

Reply

Lotus 2 months ago

Hi and welcome. I'm a woman in my sixties and for most of my life if someone had suggested I might be autistic I'd have thought they were a bit crazy. Then when I was in my fifties I watched a documentary featuring an autistic woman and realised I was a lot like her. To be honest, before that I didn't really know what autism was.

I have also sometimes wished I was more like other people, but we can't change who we are. Although we struggle with some things, we also have positive attributes, which can include problem solving skills, retention of facts, creativity, attention to detail, hyper focus, honesty and loyalty. This means that we can fill the skills gaps in teams where the others are not autistic, for example they might see the big picture but we can see the details.

I'm surprised that you are expected to be self taught while doing an apprenticeship - you should have a mentor and they should be able to guide you if you are stuck. Don't be afraid to ask for help, and tell them how you learn best - whether it's that you need more clear unambiguous instructions, or more structured questions, or information in the form of pictures or diagrams. Your employer/trainers have a responsibility to make reasonable adjustments for you.

Children

DinoMitePink 2 months ago in reply to Lotus

Thank you for your reply, I really apricate the positive spin of autism as I am really struggling to see any at the minute.

I really struggle with confrontation so I always feel too intimidated to change the way something is presented to me. I have got a tutor but she simply provides me with questions to answer and I have to sort of find the information out myself. I know I can go to her if I get stuck but my problem lies with the whole concept rather than the questions themselves and I don't know how I bring this up without it feeling like a confrontation.