Anxiety with roommates

Hi everyone,

So I am 25 years old. I received my Asperger’s diagnosis when I was 22. I’m still studying whilst working intern positions, but I don’t have enough money to live alone (which I prefer). I moved in with two roommates at the start of this year. He is 30. She is 28. Ever since I moved in, I have had issues with him. Just a little background there - we met on tinder, figured out we had several mutual connections. I called it off before anything romantic happened (something like 3 weeks into seeing one another), and we decided to keep seeing one another as friends. A little while later we were both looking to move into the same area, so decided to look for a house together with one other girl he knew from university. I know it sounds silly to move in with someone I met on tinder, but we discussed it in detail before making any decisions, and based on what I’d learned about him, I was comfortable moving forward with the decision (I felt he was mature and kind). I also thought it would be a good way to meet new people, which I had struggled with previously. Soon after moving in I started to feel uncomfortable in the house. She and him were much closer than I was with either of them, so I often felt on the outside, trying to push my way in. This was not helped by the fact that I had started to feel uncomfortable around him in particular. As a result, I started to distance myself a bit from them to protect myself, which ultimately worsened the situation. It came to a point where he messaged me to ask me what he had done wrong and why I ‘didn’t like him anymore’. I tried to explain, with reference to my introversion and social anxiety, that I need a lot of time to myself. I figured that he struggled to wrap his head around this (he is very extroverted). I felt awful constantly declining their invitations to join them for outings, but it had got to the point where being with them was making me so anxious that in order to do it, it had to be for a short period, and I had to have enough energy.

She and I get on fairly well. I don’t really feel any anxiety around her. But even being in the same room as him makes me nervous. I find him quite unpredictable- very moody sometimes and other times very happy. He isn’t respectful of the shared space, and makes little to no effort to clean up after himself. I’ve found him to be quite childish - unable to address uncomfortable topics with me in person, but rather waiting to message me after he leaves the house. He seems to get irritated when I spend too much time in my room with the doors closed, which makes me nervous for obvious reasons. I have not had an easy year, and it’s been worsened by my trying to get out of the house because of my fear of what will happen when I return. 

So here is my question: how do you cope with anxiety surrounding social interactions when you live with other people? I have never particularly enjoyed living with others - I find the complexities of navigating household responsibilities and expectations terrifying. Are there ways to manage this? Baring in mind that I often allow people to walk all over me, because I struggle to voice my irritations or my distress. I have learned to just let things slide when people are inconsiderate because addressing it often creates more anxiety, and I’m not sure if my distress is reasonable or if I have just blown it out of proportion in my head. Is there a way for autistic people to live comfortably with others without it causing anxiety? How do you not become triggered by other people’s actions and moods? 

Please be gentle. It’s been a difficult year.

Thank you :)