Struggling after being told I am not Autistic

NAS94802 said:

I have felt different my whole life and just cannot accept this as an answer

It helps to bare in mind that the label of autism given out by these assessments is about whether you are affected by your neurodiverse traits enough to meet the threshold of being disabled.

Neurodiversity is a spectrum which means you have a number of different traits, each at a level of impact on your life. If you have enough at a high enough level then you qualify as disabled.

You are quite probably still neurodivers but not badly enough effected to meet the threshold value that has been somewhat arbitarily chosen.

In essence, you are autistic but not enough to need help.

You are still capable of suffering from your traits so I would advise to consider yourself as autistic and look up the traits you exhibit and learn how to manage them and improve your quality of life.

Look at the posts here, contribute, ask questions and learn - that is what this site is for, and also for some social chit chat sometimes

We will still consider you as one of us if that means anything.

Hi, thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it! I just feel as though what I do struggle with wasn’t really mentioned or spoken about. I know it might sound silly, but the reason why I went for a diagnosis was for validation of my feelings and  experiences I have had and do have. I just wanted there to be an explanation for how I am.

Hey there

Thanks for posting, I have not started the process of seeking an assessment yet but I plan to. Like you said I need validation for myself and to understand why I have struggled being so different all my life so far. 
This obviously isn’t picked up on easily as I mask a lot, it’s how I’ve survived so far but awareness has made me question why should I mask. 
I am terrified of being told that I am not autistic as internally I struggle most days with something, I am not after support from the NHS and feel like I can just about manage things myself by being on here, having my therapist and being by myself as much as I can. This is difficult as I’m married (just about) with 2 children one of which is autistic. 
I think anyone who is self diagnosed is completely valid, just to be taking part on here tells me that you have found a place where you fit. That’s happened for a reason. 
I totally understand why you feel disappointed as I would and probably will too in the future.

As the others have said it doesn’t mean that you are not it just means that you didn’t match their criteria. 
You know yourself well enough to identify so accept your own judgment. 

I do wish you well in the future and stick around here. 

Hey there

Thanks for posting, I have not started the process of seeking an assessment yet but I plan to. Like you said I need validation for myself and to understand why I have struggled being so different all my life so far. 
This obviously isn’t picked up on easily as I mask a lot, it’s how I’ve survived so far but awareness has made me question why should I mask. 
I am terrified of being told that I am not autistic as internally I struggle most days with something, I am not after support from the NHS and feel like I can just about manage things myself by being on here, having my therapist and being by myself as much as I can. This is difficult as I’m married (just about) with 2 children one of which is autistic. 
I think anyone who is self diagnosed is completely valid, just to be taking part on here tells me that you have found a place where you fit. That’s happened for a reason. 
I totally understand why you feel disappointed as I would and probably will too in the future.

As the others have said it doesn’t mean that you are not it just means that you didn’t match their criteria. 
You know yourself well enough to identify so accept your own judgment. 

I do wish you well in the future and stick around here. 

I absolutely agree. We fit here so this is place for us. Autism is a life long condition meaning it should be diagnosable during the whole life. I also manage by myself, therapists disappointed me so far but I keep looking. This site also helps me a lot. I know I would have been diagnosed when I was a kid if my mom has agreed to have me tested. Even now when I told her I’m autistic, she said “no, you can’t be autistic because autistic people do repetitive movements” - I do them. - yes, but it’s not like that. And then I hear “stop rocking, stop bouncing your leg, picking your lip” etc. other time I hear that I can’t be autistic because 10 years ago I went to a company party that had a lot of activities outdoors and that was the only reason I we t there. Otherwise I hear “stop sitting alone go party meet some people” and lady but not least “autistic people have no friends or only one friend” I have one long term friend. Then I hear “yeah but it doesn’t make you autistic”. They can point out all my traits like understanding things literally or catching slower than others, other things that are classic autistic traits but if I suggest that I’m autistic then I hear no. The knowledge and awareness are empowering, so I don’t care what they say anymore