Masking

I totally relate with this feeling when you start realizing it and feel the drain it causes. I keep wondering, how did I go through life before doing this all the time?

I am not yet sure how differently people use the terms, masking and camouflaging, but I relate more with the later, meaning that I found great excuses for doing what I was doing differently. It works great with us women. 

Since I found out more about autism and realized I'm autistic things have been different. I feel a steady change almost daily, and I feel very torn. I catch myself doing it and then I catch myself not stopping it and getting mad at myself or changing my behavior and feel weird about it. Do others feel similarly?

The term "camouflaging" is so interesting, I don't think I have heard it before, but I can definitely relate to it. I often need to find reasons for my behavior, so I can explain it to other people.

I understand your frustration with not knowing how to unmask or change your behavior. I have experienced that, but often I just feel so proud of myself for the little win of doing what I want instead, of what I think others expect. I don't plan on stopping my masking, but the feeling of deciding for yourself might be worth it sometimes.

The term "camouflaging" is so interesting, I don't think I have heard it before, but I can definitely relate to it. I often need to find reasons for my behavior, so I can explain it to other people.

I understand your frustration with not knowing how to unmask or change your behavior. I have experienced that, but often I just feel so proud of myself for the little win of doing what I want instead, of what I think others expect. I don't plan on stopping my masking, but the feeling of deciding for yourself might be worth it sometimes.

it is used in the masking episode of "Autism from the Inside" on youtube.