Older women on the forum? Your early years?

I am in the doldrums at the moment, for the Charity in my area, has2 groups which only goes up to 60+. The other group which we have really is only for menopausal women. What are these women going to do  when they reach 60+, and  are ready to go through Retirement ,even though I  know that this is a red herring for a lot of people(myself included).

Hi. I am Angie, 43. On the way to find out if I am ASD (well, I know I am somehow, or I wish I am so I can understand so many troubles I've had with people). 

I have been thinking a lot about what I was when little:

-Hyperactive, would run, jump, get into any tree I would see... and so on.

-Hyperfocused on books. Loved to read about other parts of the world in short stories.

-Issues with eating: I just would not eat and my parents would have a lot of worries. A bit latter, was super picky on food. 

I feel it is a great question, Uhane, I thank you for that.

a number it is then and welcome home.

Sorry I seem less human! Haha, I don't mind what people choose as long as I can tell them apart. As long as it's not offensive obviously.

Not offended at all, we all start that way! I just wanted to point out that the site requires not being identifiable in the outside world if and when you do choose to stop being a number.

test

I am sorry if I have offended you with using a number, instead of a name.I will change to a name when I feel more comfortable.

No worries. you are cherished and welcome here. A name will help you to be more readily recognized when peeps are scanning for familiar "faces" in a thread. Your name here is your "face". Pattern recognition.

I hope that I have not offended you in any way,but it is just , for the moment, I feel more comfortable , using anumber , instead of a name. in time I will change to a name,when I know you all better.

thsi is a fine essay. thank you. I see myself there and that is a balm.

I use my hawaiian name. I have 2

I am sorry, if I have made you feel uncomfortable, using a number instead of my name,I assure you ,I am definitely not a robot. I am simply a person, who has not yet got the confidence to put my name online, but will when I get to know you better!

Hi   there  Inula. 

Welcome to the club,   I am also,  a 60+  Autistic lady, who also has been widowed, and so. I  can empathise 

with what you are saying.

I was bullied right up to the time that I met my future husband, I always thought that  I was the worst person in the world, and so (when I met my late fiance`e,) I  was able to get my Autism diagnosis, I felt that a great boulder had been taken off my shoulders!   

My late fianc`e helped me to gain my diagnosis,for he was reputed to have Autism, but he did not want to be Diagnosed.

When I was diagnosed,   I made up my mind to devote my time to help other Neurodiverse people, so that they would not have to go through what I had been through,and so,. I helped to set up a Group  for other Autistic people.

I was to be wed to him, but he was terminally with brain cancer and other things as well.

I hope Inula,that you can empathise,from a fellow widows point of view,that I did not go out of my way to meet someone else,it just happened!

  My fianc`e, was the icing on the cake.

My soulmate was,is,and always will be my late husband.

AuTriker said:

You're not supposed to use your real name

You can use your 1st name.

I do.

I like it when people do so - it makes them feel and seem more human.

You're not supposed to use your real name! 

Many thanks for your kind words,they are greatly appreciated. The reason why I prefer to use a number instead of my name,is because I do  not have the confidence to give my name. 

When I  become better acquainted, I will start using my real name.

Hi

I'm widowed like yourself - I'm quite sure (in my own case) that I'm now appearing more autistic because Im alone and don't have to fake being neurotypical all the time. It's not that I have less ability to mask, I just have less need to. That said - I still mask very heavily and most people who know me have no idea I'm autistic because I've chosen not to share it publicly yet as I'm still processing it.

I'm lucky to have a daughter who lives close by. It was her comments and probing that made me question how my brain works and led me to researching autism and eventually get a diagnosis. (That was after she was diagnosed at 40) Sometimes I feel like I've been a very poor parent because I didn't realise she was autistic. 

Support for autistic widows and widowers is an interesting one. Do you have any thoughts on what that support might be? 

Inula

Hello Uhane

It's good to know that there are other older ladies out there. Since I began researching the symptoms of autism (about 2-3 years ago) I've not noticed many of us 60+ year olds out there with a big voice. The "late diagnosed" content creators I follow on YouTube are mostly in their 30s and 40s. I wish I could find some 60+ year olds on there. I was diagnosed less than a year ago so still processing.

Your comment that you've been masking so long that you don't know who you are really struck a cord with me. I'm still masking heavily and don't know who I really am.  I had a fairly good childhood. I usually had one friend who I could tag along with and that one friend sometimes enabled me to join a wider group but I've never been happy in groups. My happiest times were spent playing alone. 

As I got into my teenage years I tried really hard to fit in, often going places where I felt very uncomfortable. My favourite thing to do as a teen was to go for a walk in the countryside - usually on my own but occasionally with my one special friend but I forced myself to go to social events even though I hated them. I was often overlooked or ignored and with hindsight I wonder if neurotypical folks could see that there was something different about me. (I believe there are studies that show that this does happen even to high masking autistics)  Knowing you're different but not knowing why is very painful and difficult. 

I met my husband at school. We were 16. He joined the armed forces a few months later so we only saw each other at weekends and when he was on leave so that gave me lots of alone time which I needed. We married at 20 and I was a mum a year later. I found it hard to make friends and even when I had friends I felt disconnected from them but I didn't know why. We went to lots of social occasions and I would always drink too much as a way to cope 

My husband died almost 9 years ago now. Knowing I'm a masked autistic makes me feel sad and a bit of a fraud. My husband really didn't know me. Looking back I can see that he enabled me to lead a relatively normal life. Now he's gone I find myself retreating from life. I'm mostly very happy to be safe in my own home with my dog for company. Sometimes I do feel  lonely though.

I've been a video gamer for many years and my current hyperfocus is Minecraft. I think if I could put as much focus and energy into something useful I could have done amazing things with my life! 

I hope this isn't too much of an essay for you to get through. 

Inula

I hope his passing was swift and painless. You will find each other again o the other side. Can I ask, why do you not use a name and use a number instead?

The true love that I am talking about, is still  with me, in my heart.  Love cannot  be destroyed, for  I believe  , through my own experience, that  my late husband`s  love is stil. with me.I cannot prove it,but I believe that Death was defeated, through the crucifixion  of Jesus, the Saviour of this  troubled world , in which we all live, I cannot prove any  of this ,but , I believe that,  someday it will all come to be proved correct..  

So, in a nutshell,what happened to true love, when my husband passed,went into my heart, where it will be , for thye rest of my life!