Published on 12, July, 2020
So I decided to write this in the forum for women as I am a woman, but for some reason I do not relate to the "female autism" at all. Because apparently it means I am "better at masking" but for me it is not true at all. I am 21 years old and I have never ever in my life had a friend. Whether it be in elementary, or high school, or now in college. In elementary I simply got avoided or ridiculed by the other kids, they found me annoying, they constantly accused me of not being nice even if I did not know the reason. In high school, I had a group of friends but they kicked me out and after them, my whole class followed. Now in college I make all the effort to talk to people, initiate things, go to parties and clubs. But still have absolutely zero friends despite starting college 6 months ago. They simply either ignore me, or run away, or we have fun together one day but the next day they treat me as a complete stranger again. There was one girl who I met at a party that kept telling me how nice and fun I was and stuff, we literally spent the whole evening together. But afterwards, she ghosted me while I suggested to hang out, already 2 times (2 month distance). With others it just feels like I do everything to get close but nobody cares. Absolutely nobody.
I really don't know what to do further. I know most autistic people also have social difficulties but all of the autistic people I talked to have at least 1 best friend, or had friends as a kid at least. It feels like I am missing out on so many fun aspects of life because of having no friends. I never had a sleepover, I will never travel with a friend group, I will never do other crazy stuff young people should. It is as if I specifically had some kind of built in curse that causes me to be excluded forever.
Please do not tell me to find hobbies or join clubs because I already tried all of these things and I only got acquaintances. I really don't know how I can go further and therapies also usually end with "you have to figure out yourself why you have no friends and what you are doing wrong". I just don't know!! From my perspective, I behave like any other person out there
I know what it's like.
It's hard to know what to do. I am a 52 year old woman and I am rubbish at masking.
I have a few semi-friends but I don't think any of them are neurotypical. Mainly my life socially is a disaster. I feel lonely quite a lot of the time.
I'm not sure what to advise you as I am not sure what to do with myself. I have tried having some counselling, which has been helpful. I keep on meaning to try to go to a Autism support group, but don't think I would fit in there either.
My special interest isn't something I can join a club with, so I know what you mean about clubs.
I hope you find some like-minded folk on here or find someone from the tribe out in the real world. I think that if we (Autistics) are 1 in 25 people, we just need to find each other. Don't give up hope.
Hello Mrs Snooks. You are noticed and valued here (albeit 10 days late) I like your trees and I like your name. I am autistic. 1/25 according to you. Perhaps we-type simply operate (socially) on this type of level? I miss you when you are not around, but feel no particular need to "reach out" to you either. I am excellent at masking. I have a few semi and demi friends and I feel lonely a lot of the time. My special interests are very niche.....so I don't wish to share them in this public space. Therefore, I guess I'm buggered for "friends".......but that doesn't stop me a) liking your tress b) liking your name c) noticing when you are NOT around.......so to my mind, that kinda makes us friends. fyi.