Hello again.

Hi Gilly.  I don't think you need to worry too much about bothering your husband with your woes.  You are obviously a caring and considerate soul based on what you have written above.  He may actually like the distraction of thinking about your problems to enable him some respite from ruminating about his own.......and to actually help and support you with something?  That is how I would feel, I think.  I'm a 50+ male btw.

In terms of your worries, I commend you for seeking clarity about your own life and urge you to continue despite your concerns and wider current stresses.

I write to you here because I think I am a good case study of how NOT to proceed.

Like you, I knew something was decidedly different about me and it was starting to bother me and I was noticing how my thoughts, beliefs and behaviours were not the same as 95% of the people I met.  It was bothering me so I was contemplating getting some help.  I dabbled around the edges for about six years searching for answers about myself (whilst self-medicating with booze in a controlled but excessive fashion.)

My concerns about what I may find, the complexity of the task and external pressures (it with my mum's ill-health for me) led me to approach the self-seeking in a decidedly half-arsed fashion.  There was always an excuse - "manana" became a mantra - "how can someone see inside my head" was a fairly standard thought and "we are all unique little snowflakes anyway....so just "man up" was the most common advice I received.  So I did nothing.  BIG mistake.....HUGE!

I had a monumental burn-out about 6 years ago.  My indisputably inexplicable behaviours and "differences" along with a very busy life brought me to a point of isolation, fear and profound loneliness.  It was horrid.  PLEASE don't find yourself in that place!

In the immediate aftermath of my burnout, it was hell on earth - and hell in my head.  The self-medication intensified as did the self-searching.  It took me a further six years to reach a place a serenity and peace - but at tremendous cost.  I still have stress, but nothing like the horrendous fear of not knowing who or what I am.  I have no current need of self-medication.  I also feel no current need for a formal diagnosis.....but;

I dearly wish I had sought an early diagnosis despite accepting now (with the benefit of hindsight) that it would almost certainly have been an incorrect one.  Even knowing this, I still wish I had sought diagnosis because I am pretty certain it would have nudged me away from the burnout hell that I was forced to endure.  I find it hard to believe that a misdiagnosis and receiving inappropriate treatments as a result could have been anywhere near as damaging to me and those around me as the burnout.

Keep going Gilly.  Be brave.  Don't allow you to be distracted from your goal.  Prepare for your assessment (there are oodles of advice on these pages in that regard) and then see what happens.  Taking the first step down the right path (ie diagnosis) will stop you standing still in a place of uncertainty - which in my case - led to hell.

I wish you all the best.

Hi Gilly.  I don't think you need to worry too much about bothering your husband with your woes.  You are obviously a caring and considerate soul based on what you have written above.  He may actually like the distraction of thinking about your problems to enable him some respite from ruminating about his own.......and to actually help and support you with something?  That is how I would feel, I think.  I'm a 50+ male btw.

In terms of your worries, I commend you for seeking clarity about your own life and urge you to continue despite your concerns and wider current stresses.

I write to you here because I think I am a good case study of how NOT to proceed.

Like you, I knew something was decidedly different about me and it was starting to bother me and I was noticing how my thoughts, beliefs and behaviours were not the same as 95% of the people I met.  It was bothering me so I was contemplating getting some help.  I dabbled around the edges for about six years searching for answers about myself (whilst self-medicating with booze in a controlled but excessive fashion.)

My concerns about what I may find, the complexity of the task and external pressures (it with my mum's ill-health for me) led me to approach the self-seeking in a decidedly half-arsed fashion.  There was always an excuse - "manana" became a mantra - "how can someone see inside my head" was a fairly standard thought and "we are all unique little snowflakes anyway....so just "man up" was the most common advice I received.  So I did nothing.  BIG mistake.....HUGE!

I had a monumental burn-out about 6 years ago.  My indisputably inexplicable behaviours and "differences" along with a very busy life brought me to a point of isolation, fear and profound loneliness.  It was horrid.  PLEASE don't find yourself in that place!

In the immediate aftermath of my burnout, it was hell on earth - and hell in my head.  The self-medication intensified as did the self-searching.  It took me a further six years to reach a place a serenity and peace - but at tremendous cost.  I still have stress, but nothing like the horrendous fear of not knowing who or what I am.  I have no current need of self-medication.  I also feel no current need for a formal diagnosis.....but;

I dearly wish I had sought an early diagnosis despite accepting now (with the benefit of hindsight) that it would almost certainly have been an incorrect one.  Even knowing this, I still wish I had sought diagnosis because I am pretty certain it would have nudged me away from the burnout hell that I was forced to endure.  I find it hard to believe that a misdiagnosis and receiving inappropriate treatments as a result could have been anywhere near as damaging to me and those around me as the burnout.

Keep going Gilly.  Be brave.  Don't allow you to be distracted from your goal.  Prepare for your assessment (there are oodles of advice on these pages in that regard) and then see what happens.  Taking the first step down the right path (ie diagnosis) will stop you standing still in a place of uncertainty - which in my case - led to hell.

I wish you all the best.