I can't love my daughter

To feel like this is understandable. I often say to myself 'what might have been.' I have an Aspergers daughter who was diagnosed 3 years ago at the age of 14. She is my only child. She gets on fine with my husband but has clashed with me incessantly over the years. It is true to say that nobody has upset me more than my daughter. She has had psychologist appointments for three years now and I have had 3 years to understand autism and indeed my daughter. I teach children of a similar age to her and she is different. The advice I have received is 'let her be,' and 'choose your battles.' Let her follow her own path and only challenge if absolutely necessary. There will probably be a specific interest she has, for my daughter it is a fascination with reptiles. She now has some of her own, I don't like them but for her they are a release. Speaking as the mother of a daughter, from experience she may be finding school so stressful, she bottles up all the stress at school and let's rip with you because she can. I've had years and years of this. She is now at college and only has to attend for lessons. This is an improvement because coping with the social side of school is very difficult for an autistic.

 I would suggest giving your daughter a quiet place of her own to retreat to. She may find being with the other siblings too much. Before diagnosis my daughter and I got on far better when we were alone together and still do. For my daughter 'three is a crowd,' and I am often alienated in our family of three. 

I was initially informed by mothers of other autistics that I would never have a normal mother-daughter relationship with my daughter and I think this true. Keep any nice comments or gestures you get from her in your heart, in my case there are very few.  Eventually the rows will diminish, the tears will flow less and the hurt will subside. Cherish your other children and develop your own interests. As time goes by I'm sure you'll understand autism more and then your relationship with your daughter will improve.

Love MY daughter. I'm working on it.

To feel like this is understandable. I often say to myself 'what might have been.' I have an Aspergers daughter who was diagnosed 3 years ago at the age of 14. She is my only child. She gets on fine with my husband but has clashed with me incessantly over the years. It is true to say that nobody has upset me more than my daughter. She has had psychologist appointments for three years now and I have had 3 years to understand autism and indeed my daughter. I teach children of a similar age to her and she is different. The advice I have received is 'let her be,' and 'choose your battles.' Let her follow her own path and only challenge if absolutely necessary. There will probably be a specific interest she has, for my daughter it is a fascination with reptiles. She now has some of her own, I don't like them but for her they are a release. Speaking as the mother of a daughter, from experience she may be finding school so stressful, she bottles up all the stress at school and let's rip with you because she can. I've had years and years of this. She is now at college and only has to attend for lessons. This is an improvement because coping with the social side of school is very difficult for an autistic.

 I would suggest giving your daughter a quiet place of her own to retreat to. She may find being with the other siblings too much. Before diagnosis my daughter and I got on far better when we were alone together and still do. For my daughter 'three is a crowd,' and I am often alienated in our family of three. 

I was initially informed by mothers of other autistics that I would never have a normal mother-daughter relationship with my daughter and I think this true. Keep any nice comments or gestures you get from her in your heart, in my case there are very few.  Eventually the rows will diminish, the tears will flow less and the hurt will subside. Cherish your other children and develop your own interests. As time goes by I'm sure you'll understand autism more and then your relationship with your daughter will improve.

Love MY daughter. I'm working on it.

I also think you are brave,Your user name tells me that you have been extremely brave by taking the first big step to come on here.

please read as much as you can on here as I hope you will see that many autistic/Asperger individuals go on to achieve a great deal.

we all have an ability to change,we need time and understanding more than anything .Some of us are the difference between two smart phones! Just because I can use an iPhone doesn't follow I can use a windows based phone.both are phones,both do similar amazing things but both have unique operating systems,

I wish you well in finding a way for you and your family to accept your daughter.