Published on 12, July, 2020
I just can't. I wish she wasn't autistic, she is 9 and was diagnosed a couple of months ago. I read some of the posts on here in tears because all you parents are so wonderful...I must be a terrible mother if I can't love her, but she is no good at being a daughter.
I have 3 other children who are all beautiful and neurotypical and don't cause me any trouble, and I look at them with such pride, yet I can't look at my autistic daughter with pride at all. I try and do my best for her but it wears me down, I spend most of my life in tears over her behaviour and I just don't know what to do. Children are meant to bring you joy and she does not bring me joy.
This is ruining my life, my husband wants me to see a doctor and discuss going onto antidepressants or to seek counselling, but neither of those things can change my daughter.
Please tell me I'm not alone in this feeling.
With my son if I could wave a magic wand and take away the traits that cause endless stress and worry, that mean we can’t always enjoy outings as much as others and be like a typical family I would. Then I see all the things I love about him even some of his Autistic quirks, the happy times we have and this tells me why I love him unconditionally. I let him know how proud I am of him with every little achievement however small I praise him. It’s possibly worth finding a therapist with an interest or understanding in Autism to talk to.
I've had 28 years of mainly hell with my autistic son, peppered with little glimpses of happiness. He's now moved out. Thank god. He's caused my family stress on a unimaginable scale. Upset, heartache. I've done everything to support him through the years and for what. To be treat like utter ***. We may live our autistic kids but I hate autism. The lines get blurred.