Stubbornness and willfulness

Hi. My daughter is Aspergers/high functioning autistic. She is 17 and was diagnosed 3 years ago. I am a piano teacher and my daughter played saxophone and achieved grade 4. She gave up because she didn't get a distinction for grade 4, (she did for the other grades). She considered the merit she got for grade 4 as failure, (no grey areas, you've probably heard of that). 

Over the three years since diagnosis, and with psychologists help, I have learnt that you have to (let them be).  As a teacher, (and now informed mother), I would ask your son if he wants to  continue with the piano. If so discuss with him some music he may like to learn. Maybe change the tutor book or teacher. Would your son like to learn a different instrument? If instruments aren't for him it is not parental failure or weakness. Be guided by your son and let him follow his interests. 

During my career I have spoken to a couple of parents and suggested that music is not for their child, absolutely nothing to do with autism.

Believe you me, I know how difficult this is. I'm not sure if your son is your only child, I only have my daughter. I constantly feel 'pig in the middle' over a variety of matters and frictions can run high. From my limited experience, autistics seem to have one passion for something. In my daughters case it is reptiles, and she now has quite a collection which she has a deep fascination for. I have very little interest in them at all, although I do love dogs and cats, etc.

Finally, as a music teacher, I would give your son six weeks as a make or break. The situation you describe is not good for learning and will just cause further stress. Letting him 'give up' is not failure, he's given it a go with parental support. Let him move on. 

Finally, as a parent of an autistic, prior to diagnosis my daughter would never listen to a word I said or do anything I asked of her, leading to many rows. In secondary school she began self harming because she couldn't cope with being there. Since diagnosis our family unit, myself, husband and daughter, get on much better. With the help of psychologists we accept our daughter, I understand a lot more about autism and I understand her very many quirks. By the way, she still never does anything I ask her, but we don't row very much now, I know she's different.

Best of luck

Hi. My daughter is Aspergers/high functioning autistic. She is 17 and was diagnosed 3 years ago. I am a piano teacher and my daughter played saxophone and achieved grade 4. She gave up because she didn't get a distinction for grade 4, (she did for the other grades). She considered the merit she got for grade 4 as failure, (no grey areas, you've probably heard of that). 

Over the three years since diagnosis, and with psychologists help, I have learnt that you have to (let them be).  As a teacher, (and now informed mother), I would ask your son if he wants to  continue with the piano. If so discuss with him some music he may like to learn. Maybe change the tutor book or teacher. Would your son like to learn a different instrument? If instruments aren't for him it is not parental failure or weakness. Be guided by your son and let him follow his interests. 

During my career I have spoken to a couple of parents and suggested that music is not for their child, absolutely nothing to do with autism.

Believe you me, I know how difficult this is. I'm not sure if your son is your only child, I only have my daughter. I constantly feel 'pig in the middle' over a variety of matters and frictions can run high. From my limited experience, autistics seem to have one passion for something. In my daughters case it is reptiles, and she now has quite a collection which she has a deep fascination for. I have very little interest in them at all, although I do love dogs and cats, etc.

Finally, as a music teacher, I would give your son six weeks as a make or break. The situation you describe is not good for learning and will just cause further stress. Letting him 'give up' is not failure, he's given it a go with parental support. Let him move on. 

Finally, as a parent of an autistic, prior to diagnosis my daughter would never listen to a word I said or do anything I asked of her, leading to many rows. In secondary school she began self harming because she couldn't cope with being there. Since diagnosis our family unit, myself, husband and daughter, get on much better. With the help of psychologists we accept our daughter, I understand a lot more about autism and I understand her very many quirks. By the way, she still never does anything I ask her, but we don't row very much now, I know she's different.

Best of luck

Thank you for sharing your experiences, it is good to know that one is not alone. 

I think my best recourse is to find a special needs music teacher for Joseph to see if it makes a difference.