Being alone at home

Hi NAS23828,

I think I understand your concern correctly. The independence question is always a really difficult and highly individual one with High Functioning Teens because, in my experience, it’s often not so much a concern about what they will do, but can be more a worry about what they can’t or won’t do.

By this I mean that there may be no significant concern that they will get into any real mischief or bad behaviours while they are alone (as they may simply stick to their usual routine and quietly go about their day accordingly) but critically; can they or will they respond appropriately to unforeseen situations?

I do believe that High Functioning young people are more vulnerable than NTs of the same age, simply because of the social and communication difficulties they may have which can affect most areas of their everyday lives. Critically, social and communication difficulties can impact negatively on how effectively individuals perceive and respond to everyday situations, and how able they are to communicate their distress or need for help.

For example, can your son recognise dangers and seek help if he needs it? Will he open the door to strangers, can he (recognise, respond and therefore) use the telephone in an emergency etc. In my experience, these are the kinds of questions which can inform us best as to whether a child or young person is okay to be left alone, day or night, awake or sleeping.

Something is obviously really worrying you about this situation. From your post, I can’t help but wonder if something inside is nudging at you about leaving your son (behind?) alone all day while you all go out to work, to school, and get on with your lives. Therefore, may I gently ask, with respect, why is your son not in education, training or work? Or has he just left school and this is just a temporary situation over the summer until he starts higher education or similar again in September?

If this is a temporary summer situation, I would look about and see if there are any local summer holiday activity schemes he could perhaps attend, to fend off isolation. Keeping him busy during the day, tiring him out, may help to reverse bad sleeping habits (of turning day into night and sleeping all day etc. which can be common with NDs.) Can extended family step in and take him out or even just round theirs for a visit for a couple of days each week too, just to play board games etc.? Juggling work and child care in this way, particularly during the long summer break, is simply an on-going utter nightmare for most parents, and for parents with kids on the spectrum that nightmare is doubled.

Best of luck.

I am struggling with this one too in view of the impending summer holidays. In the past my 15 year old who attends mainstream school, would spend some days with his Dad and some with me. He does nike being left alone for more than a couple of hours so even if I tried he would be calling me asking me when I was coming home and I will hear panic in his voice.  His Dad is. Kw saying he does tt to share summer holiday parenting in this way as he believes he should be able to be left while I go tk work. I feel it’s a dilemma for any single parent but with the added aspect of ASD too.  Itrying to arrange work to ensure I don’t leave him for more than 2/3 hours and flexibily work from home and use leave to cover. In many ways my son is safer when asleep so every child is different Kneasy answers for any of us!  I hope you find a way forward that is right for you .

I am struggling with this one too in view of the impending summer holidays. In the past my 15 year old who attends mainstream school, would spend some days with his Dad and some with me. He does nike being left alone for more than a couple of hours so even if I tried he would be calling me asking me when I was coming home and I will hear panic in his voice.  His Dad is. Kw saying he does tt to share summer holiday parenting in this way as he believes he should be able to be left while I go tk work. I feel it’s a dilemma for any single parent but with the added aspect of ASD too.  Itrying to arrange work to ensure I don’t leave him for more than 2/3 hours and flexibily work from home and use leave to cover. In many ways my son is safer when asleep so every child is different Kneasy answers for any of us!  I hope you find a way forward that is right for you .