Self harming as a way of self calming alternatives please

I joined an autism group this week and they were discussing how biting and chewing gum or just making a chewing action is a calming method initself, so he may have bitten himself subconciously knowing the biting action (not pain) would help.

My daughter is having terrible issues at the minute with anger (she is 8) and I have been at a loss with this, the last thing was to try to throw half a brick at me, thank fully she threw it to the floor instead.  But she has been spitting in my face, being verbally abusive, hitting, kicking and loads of other things all aimed at me.

She had always had a thing for eating plastic bottles (to the point where she will be having 4 teeth pulled shortly!) so I bought her a chew thing from the sensory website, but she found it would collect fluff and never used it.  This group had some different ones which are much better.

Could he have one of these (they can be worn as a necklace, but are quite large, so maybe in a pocket). I noted the using things as weopons above so not sure it would work.

Since I gave it too her, she has had it constantly and this evening she was the best she has been for ages.  We went for a walk and she held my hand half the time, crossed roads sensibly (mostly), did go crazy in the shop, but I can't expect miracles! Most notably, in the shop she started to verbally abuse me, when she stopped and changed the wording so it was nowhere near so derogatory.  I praised her on her efforts and she was still hyper, but not aggressive or rude anymore. To say I was gobsmacked was an understatement.

I do think this has taken some of her tension away, but obviously can't prove it.  If you are interested, I can ask the group where they came from and what it is called?

I hope this was useful to you.

CJ

Perhaps school could find him a suitable quiet spot that he could work out his energy in getting to that spot and a punch bag in the quiet spot so he can hit it out on the punch bag and calm down in his own time.

I dont really know if this is good advice or not but i used do something sorta the same when i got angry i would dig my nail under another nail to stop me from punching people who annoyed me but it had its problems as it wouldnt always work or i would cause my hands to bleed but at school they didnt know i had autism yet but they could tell i had anger issues so i was put to anger therapy where they tought to control the anger by imagining a happy place that you think about any time you get angry. It doesnt always work but it does work better than hurting myself did. so i would recomend trying to get him into anger therapy it might help. My place i think about is a forrest ontop of a cliff that over looks a city

This suggestion may work and it may not. I do the same and i have always done but over the years it changed. When i was 2 i pulled clumps of my hair out then as i grew up it got worse. My new counsellor told me a new way to try and cope with my self harming that de stresses me. She said on one hand count five things you can see in the room you are in at the time you are angry then on the other hand count five things you can feel or hear in the room when you are angry and she said this will bring you to the present and now abd make you focus on something other than the emotions youbare feeling at that moment. I will say though i have not tried it yet so i can not tell you if it works. 

HI Louise,

This sounds like a really tricky situation for you both. I think you should be very proud that he has found a strategy to stop himself from hurting other people, but you must be worried that he could keep biting himself when he becomes frustrated.

I suppose seeking out support from a trained professional might be a good start, such as a mental health practitioner, mental health nurse or psychologist who have expertise in Autism.You can most often get those referrals made through your GP.

Difficult behaviour is often addressed after it has happened, but there is often so much more going on in the background. Understanding why difficult behaviour occurs is a huge part of this and this can be accomplished by keeping a simply diary of before, during and after of incidents to record what might trigger a difficult behaviour and how it could be maintained. This might be a useful exercise in learning why the behaviour happens and subsequently point you in the direction of how to prevent it.

It might be possible to support your son to over time build up his capcity to manage his feelings with support and to avoid uneccessary triggers to his difficult behaviour. Once again, I would seek out professional advice for this.

When it comes to responding to difficult behaviour, there will be many tips and tricks out there such as distraction, breathing exercises, mindfulness, time out to cool down, stress balls, you name it. I believe very strongly though, that your son is an individual and to suggest any one generic tip might prove to be little or no use at all.

I'm sorry that my answer is so vague, but I guess really understanding your son is the most important first step on the road to offering solutions. You are the expert in him, the professional's job is to use their expertise to compliment yours.

I hope you find this somewhat helpful and that your son continues to develop strategies. Very best of luck.