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Self harming as a way of self calming alternatives please

At a loss

Hi, My son is 14 and has ASD and ADHD along with other associated disabilities. His main problem that has brought me here is his anger and inability to deal with his emotions.

He came home from school yesterday with a bite mark on his hand, when questioned he said he had gotten angry with some kids at school and bitten himself to distract him from his anger.

I would like to say I am very very proud that he self calmed as this has been a huge issue in the past. He would not think before lashing out he would go from calm to angry to hurting someone in a split second. So take away the biting as a method of self calming and I am over joyed. 

I need help coming up with an alternative to biting for him as I don't feel this is a healthy option. It was suggested that an elastic band on the wrist be used. This is a great option but my son with an elastic band is not, it would be taken off and flicked in a millisecond.

Any Ideas?

Thank you

Louise

Parents

  • HI Louise,

    This sounds like a really tricky situation for you both. I think you should be very proud that he has found a strategy to stop himself from hurting other people, but you must be worried that he could keep biting himself when he becomes frustrated.

    I suppose seeking out support from a trained professional might be a good start, such as a mental health practitioner, mental health nurse or psychologist who have expertise in Autism.You can most often get those referrals made through your GP.

    Difficult behaviour is often addressed after it has happened, but there is often so much more going on in the background. Understanding why difficult behaviour occurs is a huge part of this and this can be accomplished by keeping a simply diary of before, during and after of incidents to record what might trigger a difficult behaviour and how it could be maintained. This might be a useful exercise in learning why the behaviour happens and subsequently point you in the direction of how to prevent it.

    It might be possible to support your son to over time build up his capcity to manage his feelings with support and to avoid uneccessary triggers to his difficult behaviour. Once again, I would seek out professional advice for this.

    When it comes to responding to difficult behaviour, there will be many tips and tricks out there such as distraction, breathing exercises, mindfulness, time out to cool down, stress balls, you name it. I believe very strongly though, that your son is an individual and to suggest any one generic tip might prove to be little or no use at all.

    I'm sorry that my answer is so vague, but I guess really understanding your son is the most important first step on the road to offering solutions. You are the expert in him, the professional's job is to use their expertise to compliment yours.

    I hope you find this somewhat helpful and that your son continues to develop strategies. Very best of luck.

Reply

  • HI Louise,

    This sounds like a really tricky situation for you both. I think you should be very proud that he has found a strategy to stop himself from hurting other people, but you must be worried that he could keep biting himself when he becomes frustrated.

    I suppose seeking out support from a trained professional might be a good start, such as a mental health practitioner, mental health nurse or psychologist who have expertise in Autism.You can most often get those referrals made through your GP.

    Difficult behaviour is often addressed after it has happened, but there is often so much more going on in the background. Understanding why difficult behaviour occurs is a huge part of this and this can be accomplished by keeping a simply diary of before, during and after of incidents to record what might trigger a difficult behaviour and how it could be maintained. This might be a useful exercise in learning why the behaviour happens and subsequently point you in the direction of how to prevent it.

    It might be possible to support your son to over time build up his capcity to manage his feelings with support and to avoid uneccessary triggers to his difficult behaviour. Once again, I would seek out professional advice for this.

    When it comes to responding to difficult behaviour, there will be many tips and tricks out there such as distraction, breathing exercises, mindfulness, time out to cool down, stress balls, you name it. I believe very strongly though, that your son is an individual and to suggest any one generic tip might prove to be little or no use at all.

    I'm sorry that my answer is so vague, but I guess really understanding your son is the most important first step on the road to offering solutions. You are the expert in him, the professional's job is to use their expertise to compliment yours.

    I hope you find this somewhat helpful and that your son continues to develop strategies. Very best of luck.

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