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Problem at school, but can't explain...

Saneasever

 Hi. Hoping somebody reading this might be able to help. My daughter (A. 9yrs old, Aspie) has a problem of some description at school. I say 'a problem of some description' because, try as I might, I can't seem to find a way of getting her to find the right words to explain exactly what it is without her getting so anxious that she starts to cry. All I've managed to glean is that it's something to do with a group of children at school, and the problems getting worse (her words). She hates school now (as a result) and will find every cuss word that isn't swearing to vent just how much she hates it, or she'll cry and get herself really worked up. She's never been one to act like this about school, and I don't know what to do to help her. She's only been diagnosed for 5 months, her peer group isn't aware of her diagnosis as yet (she's hoping to tell them at some stage after this half-term with the help of the ASD outreach team). How can I help her if she wants to explain but can't? (Incidentally,(A.) saw me writing this. She wants me to tell you that it's VERY IMPORTANT). I know that she really wants to tell me and get some help, but she just can't. What should I do???

Parents

  • hhhmmm.... now this is something that is very close to my heart!!!

    my youngest daughter has always been 'different' or 'special', my older children always said we were too soft with her and she was spoilt...  

    anyway... 

    all the really big problems started when J moved into secondary school, she would come home with teeth marks all over her forearms, red marks on her forehead and she started soiling!!!

    no matter what or how we asked school was 'ok' and 'no there isnt a problem'... we had already had J referred to the local CAMHS and at our request J's caseworker observed her at school without her knowledge, witnessing at first hand some of the bullying that was taking place!!!

    we had several meetings with school  including CAMHS and Parent Partnership...each meeting finished with promises of help but an underlying disbelief that there was a bullying problem at the school. J did by this time admit that she was being bullied and we reassured her that she was not at fault, this in itself was a major breakthrough

    so her last day at 'that school' was last may 19th, i got a phone call from J, she was very upset and was hiding behind the wheelie bins, the bullies had been taunting and teasing her all morning. i went to the school told reception i was there to pick J up and she came out of school and we left!!!

    that was at 12.15pm... the Student Support manager called me at 3.20 to ask if i knew where J was....

    J has not been back to that school, it took until november to get a new school, and even now we are still waiting for her to be statemented to guarantee her place...

    so.... i know i've gone on somewhat, i think you need to start documenting everything, get as many professionals as possible involved. THE SCHOOL WONT ADMIT THEY HAVE A PROBLEM.... keep trying to get your daughter to confide in you or as in our case J had built a really close rapport with her CAMHS case worker and she told her things, try getting your daughter to write down what is happening, this also worked for J

    oh and dont forget you may have a duty to send your child to school BUT the school and the local education dept has a duty to provide a safe enviroment for your child to learn in...

    chasz

Reply

  • hhhmmm.... now this is something that is very close to my heart!!!

    my youngest daughter has always been 'different' or 'special', my older children always said we were too soft with her and she was spoilt...  

    anyway... 

    all the really big problems started when J moved into secondary school, she would come home with teeth marks all over her forearms, red marks on her forehead and she started soiling!!!

    no matter what or how we asked school was 'ok' and 'no there isnt a problem'... we had already had J referred to the local CAMHS and at our request J's caseworker observed her at school without her knowledge, witnessing at first hand some of the bullying that was taking place!!!

    we had several meetings with school  including CAMHS and Parent Partnership...each meeting finished with promises of help but an underlying disbelief that there was a bullying problem at the school. J did by this time admit that she was being bullied and we reassured her that she was not at fault, this in itself was a major breakthrough

    so her last day at 'that school' was last may 19th, i got a phone call from J, she was very upset and was hiding behind the wheelie bins, the bullies had been taunting and teasing her all morning. i went to the school told reception i was there to pick J up and she came out of school and we left!!!

    that was at 12.15pm... the Student Support manager called me at 3.20 to ask if i knew where J was....

    J has not been back to that school, it took until november to get a new school, and even now we are still waiting for her to be statemented to guarantee her place...

    so.... i know i've gone on somewhat, i think you need to start documenting everything, get as many professionals as possible involved. THE SCHOOL WONT ADMIT THEY HAVE A PROBLEM.... keep trying to get your daughter to confide in you or as in our case J had built a really close rapport with her CAMHS case worker and she told her things, try getting your daughter to write down what is happening, this also worked for J

    oh and dont forget you may have a duty to send your child to school BUT the school and the local education dept has a duty to provide a safe enviroment for your child to learn in...

    chasz

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