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Refusing to enter school

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I have a 10 year old boy (year 5) with Aspergers. He has for this past year been refusing to go in to school. On the majority of mornings I have managed to get him to school but he will not get out of the car. Up until recently a member of staff has often managed to persuade him out of the car but recently this has not worked. The school has also recently said that it is my resposibility to get him into the building which is easier said than done! Sometimes I have managed to pull him from the car and frog march him in but he is getting too big/strong to do that for much longer. Last time I did this it resulted in a very violent meltdown. I do not want to give in to him when he is refusing as I feel that he then thinks it is OK to stay at home rather than going to school. However it is getting more and more difficult to get him through the doors.

When he is in school he has his own work station and many of the lessons are adapted for him. He has visual timetables and will be talked through anything that might be different in advance. I am told that when he actually makes it into the classroom he is more or less fine. His teacher is sensitive and understanding as are many of the staff. He has a small set of friends who are all in his class. I am sure there is no bullying.

Can anyone suggest ways to get him into school, what the school could do to help, what rights do I have for asking the school to help, is manhandling him into school a good idea (i would never hurt him doing this)?

Sorry lots of questions but it is so draining and I don't really know what to do to help him. 

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi Clairelou,

    Have you asked for help from your local children's social services? It is also probably worth getting some help for attending the hearing. Try the Citizens Advice Bureau as a starting point. It is possible that if you explain everything to the hearing then they may understand the situation better and may actual start to help you resolve your problem.

    Have you been on the Earlybird courses? Have you received any formal help in knowing how to handle a child with autism?

  • Hi,

    I have the same sort of problem. My son is 6 and in a mainstream school. Most mornings he refuses to go to school, i have had to carry him kicking and screaming some days and with a baby as well this is very difficult. the school came to collect him once and it took 2 of them to carry him into the car. Once he is there he calms down and is fine but when he gets home he gets very angry at me and calls me names. I thought the school were on board and understood the issues i was having but i then got a letter from the council saying i had to go in and have an interview under caution to explain his absences. What am i supposed to do. He runs into the roads, takes his clothes off in the streets, kicks, bites, spits and i have a baby in a buggy and no car. What more can i possibly do. When i speak to the school all they ever say is 'oh he is fine when he is here'..... yeah he might be but i then get the abuse when he gets home and its me whos being told i am a bad parent for not always getting him there. I feel completely let down by the school, council and everyone. i simply dont know what else to do.

  • what is it that he actually doesn't like?

    May be that is the starting point for you to find out if at all possible. Since he 'seems' fine once it the classroom. What is it in between home and classroom he is worried/or don't like.  What is he thinking?

    Once you have found out what it is he isn't liking or worried about, then you can address that issue. But I think it important and do not underestimate the smallest thing he may say. For him it obviously is upsetting him. 

    All the best X

     

  • You have my sympathy, that sounds exhausting.

    Do you know about your local Information Advice and Support Service? www.iassnetwork.org.uk/about-us They offer impartial support to parents of SEND children and young people themselves and they should be able to let you know what rights you have for asking the school to help. Also they can offer help preparing for meetings (and sometimes attending them) and it sounds to me like you're going to have to meet with the school to get to the bottom of this and come up with a plan. 

    I agree that manhandling him doesn't sound like a great idea, it is addressing the symptom not the problem and sounds like it will make things worse (associating going to school with stress and meltdowns) plus as he gets bigger it will be unfeasible.

    Can you find out from him why he doesn't want to go to school? (easier said than done maybe)

    We have had issues in the past getting our son out of the house on school mornings, he can find the rushedness of getting ready for school stressful (so he doesn't want to do tasks, which makes us need to catch up lost time, which makes it worse). We have, to varying degrees of success (nothing works all the time), had timetables to show what needs to be done by when on a school morning, packed his bag with him the night before, and I have been known to explain to him that legally I have to take him to school (not to scare him, just because if he understands it's an official rule I have to follow then it means that he's more likely to comply).

    Good luck, I hope you find something that works for you.

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Manhandling him is not a good idea! This will just lead to increased resistance and it also won't deal with whatever issues he actually has with being at school. I think he needs to have a sensible discussion with someone that understands autism that can tease out of him his reasons for this reluctance. Perhaps this should be an independent person rather than school or parents?

    Autism can turn into a couple of problematic issues: Oppositional Defiant Disorder en.wikipedia.org/.../Oppositional_defiant_disorder and Pathological Demand Avoidance www.autism.org.uk/.../pda.aspx . These will stem from people being so uncomfortable with situations that they become phobic or anxious about some situations or environments. It seems to me that he is on a path that could lead to worse problems and he needs to be treated with more sympathy and understanding rather than force.

    I think you need professional help with this situation - is he being helped through CAMHS or his GP?