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Refusing to enter school

Specs

I have a 10 year old boy (year 5) with Aspergers. He has for this past year been refusing to go in to school. On the majority of mornings I have managed to get him to school but he will not get out of the car. Up until recently a member of staff has often managed to persuade him out of the car but recently this has not worked. The school has also recently said that it is my resposibility to get him into the building which is easier said than done! Sometimes I have managed to pull him from the car and frog march him in but he is getting too big/strong to do that for much longer. Last time I did this it resulted in a very violent meltdown. I do not want to give in to him when he is refusing as I feel that he then thinks it is OK to stay at home rather than going to school. However it is getting more and more difficult to get him through the doors.

When he is in school he has his own work station and many of the lessons are adapted for him. He has visual timetables and will be talked through anything that might be different in advance. I am told that when he actually makes it into the classroom he is more or less fine. His teacher is sensitive and understanding as are many of the staff. He has a small set of friends who are all in his class. I am sure there is no bullying.

Can anyone suggest ways to get him into school, what the school could do to help, what rights do I have for asking the school to help, is manhandling him into school a good idea (i would never hurt him doing this)?

Sorry lots of questions but it is so draining and I don't really know what to do to help him. 

Parents

  • You have my sympathy, that sounds exhausting.

    Do you know about your local Information Advice and Support Service? www.iassnetwork.org.uk/about-us They offer impartial support to parents of SEND children and young people themselves and they should be able to let you know what rights you have for asking the school to help. Also they can offer help preparing for meetings (and sometimes attending them) and it sounds to me like you're going to have to meet with the school to get to the bottom of this and come up with a plan. 

    I agree that manhandling him doesn't sound like a great idea, it is addressing the symptom not the problem and sounds like it will make things worse (associating going to school with stress and meltdowns) plus as he gets bigger it will be unfeasible.

    Can you find out from him why he doesn't want to go to school? (easier said than done maybe)

    We have had issues in the past getting our son out of the house on school mornings, he can find the rushedness of getting ready for school stressful (so he doesn't want to do tasks, which makes us need to catch up lost time, which makes it worse). We have, to varying degrees of success (nothing works all the time), had timetables to show what needs to be done by when on a school morning, packed his bag with him the night before, and I have been known to explain to him that legally I have to take him to school (not to scare him, just because if he understands it's an official rule I have to follow then it means that he's more likely to comply).

    Good luck, I hope you find something that works for you.

Reply

  • You have my sympathy, that sounds exhausting.

    Do you know about your local Information Advice and Support Service? www.iassnetwork.org.uk/about-us They offer impartial support to parents of SEND children and young people themselves and they should be able to let you know what rights you have for asking the school to help. Also they can offer help preparing for meetings (and sometimes attending them) and it sounds to me like you're going to have to meet with the school to get to the bottom of this and come up with a plan. 

    I agree that manhandling him doesn't sound like a great idea, it is addressing the symptom not the problem and sounds like it will make things worse (associating going to school with stress and meltdowns) plus as he gets bigger it will be unfeasible.

    Can you find out from him why he doesn't want to go to school? (easier said than done maybe)

    We have had issues in the past getting our son out of the house on school mornings, he can find the rushedness of getting ready for school stressful (so he doesn't want to do tasks, which makes us need to catch up lost time, which makes it worse). We have, to varying degrees of success (nothing works all the time), had timetables to show what needs to be done by when on a school morning, packed his bag with him the night before, and I have been known to explain to him that legally I have to take him to school (not to scare him, just because if he understands it's an official rule I have to follow then it means that he's more likely to comply).

    Good luck, I hope you find something that works for you.

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