can't win - need to let off steam

Teachers are given some SEN training, but probably not really prepared unless they get extra specialist vocational training.

However teachers should be able to access a teaching resource centre, usually the nearest university or college with teacher training. They should thus have ready access to books on the subject and a special education needs team to consult.

The school has no excuse for a poor response.

Quote: "school isnt helping as i have just found out that they havent initiated any action plus programme nor got any statement done for him[take in mind i had a discussion on the 8th september about this with the sen teacher] - hence why i want him to change schools because they are c###"

he was told by the teaching assistant his self harming has nothing to do with autism -every body is responsible for their actions'!!!!!!!!!!"

........

Not having an action plan is a real problem.

I think that the problem with schools is that teachers and assistants do not really understand autism or your child’s personal problems and that they form their own ideas (often well meaning) about how to teach/deal with or even cure a child . When my son was little I had a lot of problems with a teacher who was trying to force eye contact even though she knew my son was listening to her – he could always answer her questions. We were lucky in that my child’s psychiatrist wrote to the school and asked for a meeting. He got us all together and told the school in no uncertain terms that they had not to place too much reliance on body language.  He was very clear about how my son should be managed and put a stop to people using their own methods or having their own ideas.

If you think that the assistant is going about thing in her own way or openly voicing her own opinions you need to discuss this with the school and insist that everyone sticks to the same plan.  To be honest I would advise everyone to get their child to a psychiatrist. Inexperienced, untrained people are often more of a problem than a help.  Just my own opinion, of course, but I don’t know what I would have done without this psychiatrist. He really did force the primary school to work in a consistent manner.

There is a useful book on bullying, if you can get hold of a copy: Nick Dubin 2007 "Asperger Syndrome and Bullying - Strategies & Solutions" Jessica Kingsley Publishers (NAS I hope can send you details).

I mention this book because it deals with teacher bullying as well as bullying by peers.

Despite always being tall for my age I was bullied throughout school because I could be incited to over-react, and provide entertainment.

Some teachers also bullied. I suffered particularly badly from one teacher who saw joining in picking on the class retard as a way of achieving popularity with my peers. Some of his spiteful tricks still haunt me.

Because school is out of adult sight (and still it seems often out of teachers' sight) a lot of terrible things happen to any child who is weak or vulnerable. If the teachers at your son's school are really so immature and unprofessional as to participate in bullying, there may be wider issues here - possibly a need for tougher government inspection.

The school needs to be challenged over this, but if you are feeling angry you need someone to act for you.

i think that it part of - inside i am fuming at the school and my son picks up on that, that and the fact i think he may be blocking the school thing out with occuping his mind, because he continues to talk about it as he says he feels bulied bythe teachers aswell as the kids.

i reckon when we get school issues sorted the tension may ease...

You are clearly very angry about the situation but your son must be picking up on that. Added are anxieties about changing schools, but also evidently, the lack of support in the school.

One perspective on autism/AS is the bottleneck idea.  He cannot effectively process all the complex information coming his way. He cannot clear a path to resolve all the issues piling up. The psychological pressure will be enormous, and explosive reactions inevitable.

I venture to ask whether your own frustration about things could be removed from his personal sensory environment to some extent. Would you be able to be calmer and more constructive about the problems when explaining them to him, and perhaps briefer or less detailed?

Also try to find out, gently, what issues are troubling him, and offer to help resolve the easy ones. Sometimes that just means clarifying any misunderstandings building up.

With AS you cannot guage interpersonal reactions properly, if at all, so don't get feedback from people the degree to which something is important or trivial. He'll tend to process all issues large or small with the same perseverance.

Try not to be confrontational, and perhaps dont sit face to face with him. Give him time to process any issues that need explaining.