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can't win - need to let off steam

honeymonster

like the title says really, my son seems to be increasingly hard to communiucate with , without him blowing up into a mad emotional volcanco.

he seems to be stuck on a 'you're moaning' ,'you're shouting' im not happy' tearer mode...

he/we are in this cycle where he says he avoids me by doing his own thing - yet he always has done his own project thing as you can't  get him away from it[ well with extreme difficulty]

yet at he same time tells me its because i moan !!!! at him all the time - unfortunatley he doesnt hear the general chat;questions etc ...only the point wher ei am frustrated.

school isnt helping as i have just found out that they havent initiated any action plus programme nor got any statement done for him[take in mind i had a discussion on the 8th september about this with the sen teacher] - hence why i want him to change schools because they are c###

he was told by the teaching assistant his self harming has nothing to do with autism -every body is responsible for their actions'!!!!!!!!!!

i tell ya if i heard i wouldnt have been responsible for my actions...........any way i will cut the rant out or else i will use or your web space 

thanks for listening guys

Parents

  • You are clearly very angry about the situation but your son must be picking up on that. Added are anxieties about changing schools, but also evidently, the lack of support in the school.

    One perspective on autism/AS is the bottleneck idea.  He cannot effectively process all the complex information coming his way. He cannot clear a path to resolve all the issues piling up. The psychological pressure will be enormous, and explosive reactions inevitable.

    I venture to ask whether your own frustration about things could be removed from his personal sensory environment to some extent. Would you be able to be calmer and more constructive about the problems when explaining them to him, and perhaps briefer or less detailed?

    Also try to find out, gently, what issues are troubling him, and offer to help resolve the easy ones. Sometimes that just means clarifying any misunderstandings building up.

    With AS you cannot guage interpersonal reactions properly, if at all, so don't get feedback from people the degree to which something is important or trivial. He'll tend to process all issues large or small with the same perseverance.

    Try not to be confrontational, and perhaps dont sit face to face with him. Give him time to process any issues that need explaining.

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  • You are clearly very angry about the situation but your son must be picking up on that. Added are anxieties about changing schools, but also evidently, the lack of support in the school.

    One perspective on autism/AS is the bottleneck idea.  He cannot effectively process all the complex information coming his way. He cannot clear a path to resolve all the issues piling up. The psychological pressure will be enormous, and explosive reactions inevitable.

    I venture to ask whether your own frustration about things could be removed from his personal sensory environment to some extent. Would you be able to be calmer and more constructive about the problems when explaining them to him, and perhaps briefer or less detailed?

    Also try to find out, gently, what issues are troubling him, and offer to help resolve the easy ones. Sometimes that just means clarifying any misunderstandings building up.

    With AS you cannot guage interpersonal reactions properly, if at all, so don't get feedback from people the degree to which something is important or trivial. He'll tend to process all issues large or small with the same perseverance.

    Try not to be confrontational, and perhaps dont sit face to face with him. Give him time to process any issues that need explaining.

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