Please help 11 year old son cant stop crying in class

I know I need to be careful not to keep plugging my perspective which often may not be representative.

Nevertheless I am wary of the perception that kids on the spectrum are just being oversensitive. They certainly will misread situations because of poor social referencing, but the perception that they are seeing much more in situations than really is there, is something where I'd like to put forward a note of caution.

If he is "different", I doubt somehow that other kids are trying to have a laugh with him and join him into games. Being different for any reason - overweight, slow, wears thick glasses, or autistic spectrum - usually means you don't get joined into games, or other kids try to have a laugh with a child that is different.

It isn't easy to determine whether how kids behave when being observed by adults compared to when adults are out of sight.

My note of caution is, quite simply, that it is more likely they are having a laugh at his expense, and making games around his disadvantage.

My son is a similar age and suffers from the same issue. I have been in school and seen with my own eyes that sometimes he thinks he is being bullied and teased when actually other children are just trying to have a laugh with him and join him into games. Because he is sensitive and struggles to pick up on cues I think he misinterprets things and gets upset and obviously crying in class at that age will not help. We have tried various coping strategies but haven't found anything that significantly helps. His coping strategy at home is for him to go to his room and be left alone which works wonders but obviously this isn't an option in school and although they have created a calm area for him sometimes I feel this only adds to the problem as he becomes reliant on it and it isolates him even more from the rest of the class. Hopefully even without a dx the school will support your son's individual needs and make sure he is not getting bullied. If your concerned ask for a meeting with them. My son was only diagnosed after CAHMS went to observe him in school, she advised that based on her first meeting with him which was with me she wouldn't have diagnosed him but the traits and differences were much more apparent in school when he was around his peers.

Don't underestimate the bullying factor. If a child is on the spectrum they may be bullied not merely because they are weak and vulnerable, but because other kids can see how to take advantage of the disability and can also find out how to get them worked up.

Traits of aspergers might be enough to make him less effective at social interaction, and less able to determine what other people are thinking from facial expression. This lends itself to a high dependence on the spoken word, without being able to spot a lie, or a double meaning that most children would pick up from eye contact, facial expression and gestures. They are more likely to take literally things said in fun, and if other kids realise that, it becomes "sport".

They may take death threats (which kids make all the times as exaggerated coercion), and threats of consequences are likely to sink in and be felt as reality.

If the traits of aspergers include sensory difficulties, he may be finding it difficult to cope with visual and auditory input particularly sudden or complex. This can build up stress causing a child on the spectrum to appear to over-react. If other children spot this they see that the child on the spectrum can be entertainment.

It does sound like some children have discovered they can take advantage of him. When you say this has built up in his head into a massive issue, it isn't that he is over-reacting and exaggerating, he probably is experiencing acute stress, and in part this is often repeated causes - they keep doing it.

Someone on the spectrum would have limited access to social referencing - feedback in social situations. So they can get very isolated and unable to find a context or explanation for what is happening to them, and are more dependent on thinking through situations.

If the autistic traits suggest a potential diagnosis, this vulnerability isn't going to go away. Literal interpretation of play, poor social interaction and sensory overload, are all indicative of autistic spectrum difficulties that linger for life.

Therefore I don't think options for staying calm are easy to provide. A better understanding of why he experiences sensory overload - leading to crying - or why he is easily taken advantage of, might help. A diagnosis might help that, but even without one, it looks like he may have autism type vulnerabilities, and having a better understanding of this could be useful.

Also be cautious about circles of friends. If he has difficulty with social interfacing the nature of the friendship may be very superficial.