• Replies 6 replies
  • Subscribers 65 subscribers
  • Views 1709 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Lack of understanding from school

mstotallyexhausted

Hello

I have a 6 year old son who was diagnosed with Aspergers five months ago. I’m having problems getting school to understand and plan for his needs and would welcome any advice people can offer.

When he started school last year they put full time TA support in place because nursery said he had poor impulse control and was a risk to himself and others. After two terms they stopped this support with no warning, saying he was coping fine. I was worried about him being unsupported at break times as he struggles with unstructured time. He then began getting into scrapes with other children, often because they had goaded him or he had joined in a play fight and, not understanding the rules, had gone all out to win! He now has a reputation for being “bad”. I think the other children see him as “different”. He’s so bright and his speech so advanced they don’t really understand him so tend to ignore him when he tries to talk to them.

Two weeks ago school told me he had tried to hurt another child so they had put a TA in place for break times. Today I was dropping him off at school and I saw a notice on the classroom door with his name on. It said “X’s rules for playtime” and went on to list things like: “no hurting people”, “no kicking” and “have fun”. I was so upset and angry. How could they think this was appropriate?! The message it gave to all the other parents is that my child is different and might hurt their children, reinforcing the view that he is “bad”. It would also mean nothing to my boy. His definition of “have fun” would be very different to school’s definition.

I spoke to the Head and she had the sign removed. I asked for a meeting with her and the autism outreach team because I have no idea what’s being done to support him in school but it appears that what they are doing has little relevance to his needs, or is just plain wrong. They don’t do IEPs and I have never seen anything that tells me what plan is in place. So far this term he’s had six different people working with him. He’s so confused. I know when something new has happened at school, not because they tell me but because he wets the bed, something he has never done. Recently he’s been complaining of tummy ache and saying he’s too ill to go to school.

Worse still, his class teacher thinks all he needs is firm boundaries. She believes he can control his behaviour but chooses not to. She bases this on him being quiet and withdrawn when he started in her class but I believe that was because he was totally overwhelmed by the new environment and was working out what to do. He doesn’t like her because she keeps telling him to look at her.

I’m sorry this is so long but I’m feeling totally at a loss to know how to get school to understand him and I’m so worried about what the future holds for my little star. Can anyone offer advice?

 

  • Nothing worse than teachers assuming they know you because of a diagnosis. When mine found out about my diagnosis at least 3 started talking to me slowly and putting on their 'concerned talking to a small child' faces to which I stared at them blankly and asked if they were having issues at home. Admittedly that was a bit rude but it shocked them out of that behaviour. I made sure to point out (in as polite a manner as I could) that if I do need help then I'll let them know and the only other thing is that they set homework 5 minutes or so before the bell.

    You should have seen the look on my textile teachers face, hilarious XD It was as though I'd broken into song and danced on a table (which I never have and never will do thanks). Loving giving the normals a reality check. :)

    They've been doing fine since (except for one but trying to work through it) but it may be because most have known me for so long prior to this whole thing. Was shocking though, only my mental art teacher treated me as she normally would while everyone suddenly ignored the last 5 years of teaching me to focus on my diagnosis...scary.

  • You're more than welcome. I was worried I might have bombarded you with too much, I just didn't want you to make the same mistakes I had...and continue to do so, it's a steep learning curve.

    I know what you mean about them stereotyping your son, if I had a pound for every time a professional claimed they knew what to do because they had seen many children like that before.......my answer now is 'but you haven't seen my son and they are all individual'.

    Good luck with it all, it sounds like you have a fab outreach worker and that's really good to have on your side. I hope it works out well for your son.

    x

  • I just wanted to bump this thread to say thank you Annie. I had a meeting with school today, armed with my list of things they need to know about my son, together with some grit and determination.

    They still don’t get him, as their view of his needs is so stereotyped, but I’ve given them all the information I can and at least they have the start of a plan now for how they can help him, mainly thanks to the worker from the autism outreach team. She was very good. We’ve got a long way to go but it’s a start and at least they’re communicating with me.

    Many thanks once again.

  • Hi there

    Couldn't help feeling for you. These are my suggestions and questions: can you speak to the SENCO? Has your son got a statement or is he at School Action plus etc to get a diagnosis? Ask why they don't do IEP's, can they do a behaviour plan and targets (we know he can't help his behaviour but they need to be thinking strategically about how best to work around this and having something in writing might help pin them to it), if no joy, can you ask to see their SEN policy, do they have a governor with responsibility for SEN? Yes, get the Ed Pysch to do a list in bullet form, chances are the teacher will have had minimal SEN training and probably hasn't even glanced at the Ed Pysch report. Let them know everything you can about your son, don't assume they will work this out for themselves. Above all, keep on their toes, whilst I don't want to be too negative, sometimes it gets harder not easer in school. Would you object to the other kids being told of the difficulties your son faces. I found that one of my classes (I'm a former TA) reacted much better when they knew what was different and why, granted they were 11 yrs old but even so, they could be told in a basic format if you and your son were happy with that. Insist that your son has a regular TA, several will only confuse him and he cannot build a relationship otherwise. Ask to speak to a nominated TA at length to equip with knowledge about your son. Maybe produce your own bullet points of do's and don'ts, any good member of staff would be happy to receive this, in essence, it makes their job easier. Always turn the problem onto them, ask them what they are going to do about the 'problem', they should be making the adjustments not your son.

    Sorry to give you so much to think about and sorry that this is rushed but I just had to give you some pointers as I feel school are not being fair to you or your son. You will no doubt have to fight for everything he receives, but it will be worth it, honest.

    Wishing you lots of luck, let them know you mean business...in the nicest possible way of course xx

  • Hi

    Thanks so much for your reply. It's good to know that there might be some hope for the future because I was worried that if my son isn't coping now then high school would probably be even worse. I'm very worried about bullying.

    You're right about the need for consistency. Changes of teachers and support staff has been really hard for my son to cope with. He's actually pretty good at walking away from trouble but there are a few kids who have learned that it's fun to wind him up. Last year there was a quiet area just outside the classroom that he could go to but they've got nothing like that this year. I'd forgotten all about it and how helpful it was until I read your reply. I'll definitely ask them to find a quiet place for him to go to.

    I have given the school a copy of the report from the psychologist but it's very long and descriptive. There isn't a list or summary. You have to read it carefully to pick out what my son has difficulty with. I think perhaps I need to talk through it with the staff at school so they understand his needs better or perhaps ask the psychologist if she could give me a summary that's more explicit about my son's needs.

    It's good to hear, from someone who has a diagnosis, that things might get easier for him, rather than getting worse... and yes, he knows how much he is loved.

    Thank you. x

  • Hey. I've only just been diagnosed with Aspergers (aged 17) and the school seems to be treating your son much like I was treated, albiet without a diagnosis.

    The sad thing is lots of primary teachers have never heard of ASD before so automatically either assume the worst or worse still, google it.

    When I was at primary I was excluded because I was 'too mature' and was even scolded by teachers for being too grown up. Change has also always been a huge issue. When my primary school was rennovated from infants and juniors to one building, I used to get really sick and kick and scream whenever I was dragged into school. Sad thing is they still didn't associate this with aspergers at the time even though it was the SEN teacher/deputy head teacher that delt with me every time.

    What you need to do is emphasize to the school that your son needs consistancy. In a hostile environment where other kids exclude you for being different you need something routine to hold on to. Also, maybe you should ask if theres a quiet area he can go to at break or lunchtimes when the other kids tease him or wind him up, this will give him the chance to learn his own boundries and to walk away from fight not give in to their taunts.

    As for the class teacher, at the moment in 6th form a lot of my teachers are new to the idea of an aspie in the class, but what I found has helped both them and myself was a list given to me by my psychologist when I got diagnosed saying exactley what I have difficulties with e.g. eye contact, understanding time limits to homework. If the teacher can see this list then maybe they'll realise that it isn't just your son 'playing up'.

    On the up side, your son will possibly have a better chance in high school, as teachers tend to protect bright children from any bullying and often listen to what the child needs. Theres also the bonus of the other kids growing up and becoming more mature, meaning he'll be able to find a group of friends he can rely on.

    I really hope this helps and that your son's school will pay attention, I was lucky enough to have at least one friend through primary and a loving family that supported me. At least your son knows you love him very much and thats what really counts. :)

    P.S. Sorry for the miniture essay xD