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Lack of understanding from school

mstotallyexhausted

Hello

I have a 6 year old son who was diagnosed with Aspergers five months ago. I’m having problems getting school to understand and plan for his needs and would welcome any advice people can offer.

When he started school last year they put full time TA support in place because nursery said he had poor impulse control and was a risk to himself and others. After two terms they stopped this support with no warning, saying he was coping fine. I was worried about him being unsupported at break times as he struggles with unstructured time. He then began getting into scrapes with other children, often because they had goaded him or he had joined in a play fight and, not understanding the rules, had gone all out to win! He now has a reputation for being “bad”. I think the other children see him as “different”. He’s so bright and his speech so advanced they don’t really understand him so tend to ignore him when he tries to talk to them.

Two weeks ago school told me he had tried to hurt another child so they had put a TA in place for break times. Today I was dropping him off at school and I saw a notice on the classroom door with his name on. It said “X’s rules for playtime” and went on to list things like: “no hurting people”, “no kicking” and “have fun”. I was so upset and angry. How could they think this was appropriate?! The message it gave to all the other parents is that my child is different and might hurt their children, reinforcing the view that he is “bad”. It would also mean nothing to my boy. His definition of “have fun” would be very different to school’s definition.

I spoke to the Head and she had the sign removed. I asked for a meeting with her and the autism outreach team because I have no idea what’s being done to support him in school but it appears that what they are doing has little relevance to his needs, or is just plain wrong. They don’t do IEPs and I have never seen anything that tells me what plan is in place. So far this term he’s had six different people working with him. He’s so confused. I know when something new has happened at school, not because they tell me but because he wets the bed, something he has never done. Recently he’s been complaining of tummy ache and saying he’s too ill to go to school.

Worse still, his class teacher thinks all he needs is firm boundaries. She believes he can control his behaviour but chooses not to. She bases this on him being quiet and withdrawn when he started in her class but I believe that was because he was totally overwhelmed by the new environment and was working out what to do. He doesn’t like her because she keeps telling him to look at her.

I’m sorry this is so long but I’m feeling totally at a loss to know how to get school to understand him and I’m so worried about what the future holds for my little star. Can anyone offer advice?

 

Parents

  • Hi

    Thanks so much for your reply. It's good to know that there might be some hope for the future because I was worried that if my son isn't coping now then high school would probably be even worse. I'm very worried about bullying.

    You're right about the need for consistency. Changes of teachers and support staff has been really hard for my son to cope with. He's actually pretty good at walking away from trouble but there are a few kids who have learned that it's fun to wind him up. Last year there was a quiet area just outside the classroom that he could go to but they've got nothing like that this year. I'd forgotten all about it and how helpful it was until I read your reply. I'll definitely ask them to find a quiet place for him to go to.

    I have given the school a copy of the report from the psychologist but it's very long and descriptive. There isn't a list or summary. You have to read it carefully to pick out what my son has difficulty with. I think perhaps I need to talk through it with the staff at school so they understand his needs better or perhaps ask the psychologist if she could give me a summary that's more explicit about my son's needs.

    It's good to hear, from someone who has a diagnosis, that things might get easier for him, rather than getting worse... and yes, he knows how much he is loved.

    Thank you. x

Reply

  • Hi

    Thanks so much for your reply. It's good to know that there might be some hope for the future because I was worried that if my son isn't coping now then high school would probably be even worse. I'm very worried about bullying.

    You're right about the need for consistency. Changes of teachers and support staff has been really hard for my son to cope with. He's actually pretty good at walking away from trouble but there are a few kids who have learned that it's fun to wind him up. Last year there was a quiet area just outside the classroom that he could go to but they've got nothing like that this year. I'd forgotten all about it and how helpful it was until I read your reply. I'll definitely ask them to find a quiet place for him to go to.

    I have given the school a copy of the report from the psychologist but it's very long and descriptive. There isn't a list or summary. You have to read it carefully to pick out what my son has difficulty with. I think perhaps I need to talk through it with the staff at school so they understand his needs better or perhaps ask the psychologist if she could give me a summary that's more explicit about my son's needs.

    It's good to hear, from someone who has a diagnosis, that things might get easier for him, rather than getting worse... and yes, he knows how much he is loved.

    Thank you. x

Children
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