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Lack of understanding from school

mstotallyexhausted

Hello

I have a 6 year old son who was diagnosed with Aspergers five months ago. I’m having problems getting school to understand and plan for his needs and would welcome any advice people can offer.

When he started school last year they put full time TA support in place because nursery said he had poor impulse control and was a risk to himself and others. After two terms they stopped this support with no warning, saying he was coping fine. I was worried about him being unsupported at break times as he struggles with unstructured time. He then began getting into scrapes with other children, often because they had goaded him or he had joined in a play fight and, not understanding the rules, had gone all out to win! He now has a reputation for being “bad”. I think the other children see him as “different”. He’s so bright and his speech so advanced they don’t really understand him so tend to ignore him when he tries to talk to them.

Two weeks ago school told me he had tried to hurt another child so they had put a TA in place for break times. Today I was dropping him off at school and I saw a notice on the classroom door with his name on. It said “X’s rules for playtime” and went on to list things like: “no hurting people”, “no kicking” and “have fun”. I was so upset and angry. How could they think this was appropriate?! The message it gave to all the other parents is that my child is different and might hurt their children, reinforcing the view that he is “bad”. It would also mean nothing to my boy. His definition of “have fun” would be very different to school’s definition.

I spoke to the Head and she had the sign removed. I asked for a meeting with her and the autism outreach team because I have no idea what’s being done to support him in school but it appears that what they are doing has little relevance to his needs, or is just plain wrong. They don’t do IEPs and I have never seen anything that tells me what plan is in place. So far this term he’s had six different people working with him. He’s so confused. I know when something new has happened at school, not because they tell me but because he wets the bed, something he has never done. Recently he’s been complaining of tummy ache and saying he’s too ill to go to school.

Worse still, his class teacher thinks all he needs is firm boundaries. She believes he can control his behaviour but chooses not to. She bases this on him being quiet and withdrawn when he started in her class but I believe that was because he was totally overwhelmed by the new environment and was working out what to do. He doesn’t like her because she keeps telling him to look at her.

I’m sorry this is so long but I’m feeling totally at a loss to know how to get school to understand him and I’m so worried about what the future holds for my little star. Can anyone offer advice?

 

Parents

  • Hey. I've only just been diagnosed with Aspergers (aged 17) and the school seems to be treating your son much like I was treated, albiet without a diagnosis.

    The sad thing is lots of primary teachers have never heard of ASD before so automatically either assume the worst or worse still, google it.

    When I was at primary I was excluded because I was 'too mature' and was even scolded by teachers for being too grown up. Change has also always been a huge issue. When my primary school was rennovated from infants and juniors to one building, I used to get really sick and kick and scream whenever I was dragged into school. Sad thing is they still didn't associate this with aspergers at the time even though it was the SEN teacher/deputy head teacher that delt with me every time.

    What you need to do is emphasize to the school that your son needs consistancy. In a hostile environment where other kids exclude you for being different you need something routine to hold on to. Also, maybe you should ask if theres a quiet area he can go to at break or lunchtimes when the other kids tease him or wind him up, this will give him the chance to learn his own boundries and to walk away from fight not give in to their taunts.

    As for the class teacher, at the moment in 6th form a lot of my teachers are new to the idea of an aspie in the class, but what I found has helped both them and myself was a list given to me by my psychologist when I got diagnosed saying exactley what I have difficulties with e.g. eye contact, understanding time limits to homework. If the teacher can see this list then maybe they'll realise that it isn't just your son 'playing up'.

    On the up side, your son will possibly have a better chance in high school, as teachers tend to protect bright children from any bullying and often listen to what the child needs. Theres also the bonus of the other kids growing up and becoming more mature, meaning he'll be able to find a group of friends he can rely on.

    I really hope this helps and that your son's school will pay attention, I was lucky enough to have at least one friend through primary and a loving family that supported me. At least your son knows you love him very much and thats what really counts. :)

    P.S. Sorry for the miniture essay xD

Reply

  • Hey. I've only just been diagnosed with Aspergers (aged 17) and the school seems to be treating your son much like I was treated, albiet without a diagnosis.

    The sad thing is lots of primary teachers have never heard of ASD before so automatically either assume the worst or worse still, google it.

    When I was at primary I was excluded because I was 'too mature' and was even scolded by teachers for being too grown up. Change has also always been a huge issue. When my primary school was rennovated from infants and juniors to one building, I used to get really sick and kick and scream whenever I was dragged into school. Sad thing is they still didn't associate this with aspergers at the time even though it was the SEN teacher/deputy head teacher that delt with me every time.

    What you need to do is emphasize to the school that your son needs consistancy. In a hostile environment where other kids exclude you for being different you need something routine to hold on to. Also, maybe you should ask if theres a quiet area he can go to at break or lunchtimes when the other kids tease him or wind him up, this will give him the chance to learn his own boundries and to walk away from fight not give in to their taunts.

    As for the class teacher, at the moment in 6th form a lot of my teachers are new to the idea of an aspie in the class, but what I found has helped both them and myself was a list given to me by my psychologist when I got diagnosed saying exactley what I have difficulties with e.g. eye contact, understanding time limits to homework. If the teacher can see this list then maybe they'll realise that it isn't just your son 'playing up'.

    On the up side, your son will possibly have a better chance in high school, as teachers tend to protect bright children from any bullying and often listen to what the child needs. Theres also the bonus of the other kids growing up and becoming more mature, meaning he'll be able to find a group of friends he can rely on.

    I really hope this helps and that your son's school will pay attention, I was lucky enough to have at least one friend through primary and a loving family that supported me. At least your son knows you love him very much and thats what really counts. :)

    P.S. Sorry for the miniture essay xD

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