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Lack of understanding from school

mstotallyexhausted

Hello

I have a 6 year old son who was diagnosed with Aspergers five months ago. I’m having problems getting school to understand and plan for his needs and would welcome any advice people can offer.

When he started school last year they put full time TA support in place because nursery said he had poor impulse control and was a risk to himself and others. After two terms they stopped this support with no warning, saying he was coping fine. I was worried about him being unsupported at break times as he struggles with unstructured time. He then began getting into scrapes with other children, often because they had goaded him or he had joined in a play fight and, not understanding the rules, had gone all out to win! He now has a reputation for being “bad”. I think the other children see him as “different”. He’s so bright and his speech so advanced they don’t really understand him so tend to ignore him when he tries to talk to them.

Two weeks ago school told me he had tried to hurt another child so they had put a TA in place for break times. Today I was dropping him off at school and I saw a notice on the classroom door with his name on. It said “X’s rules for playtime” and went on to list things like: “no hurting people”, “no kicking” and “have fun”. I was so upset and angry. How could they think this was appropriate?! The message it gave to all the other parents is that my child is different and might hurt their children, reinforcing the view that he is “bad”. It would also mean nothing to my boy. His definition of “have fun” would be very different to school’s definition.

I spoke to the Head and she had the sign removed. I asked for a meeting with her and the autism outreach team because I have no idea what’s being done to support him in school but it appears that what they are doing has little relevance to his needs, or is just plain wrong. They don’t do IEPs and I have never seen anything that tells me what plan is in place. So far this term he’s had six different people working with him. He’s so confused. I know when something new has happened at school, not because they tell me but because he wets the bed, something he has never done. Recently he’s been complaining of tummy ache and saying he’s too ill to go to school.

Worse still, his class teacher thinks all he needs is firm boundaries. She believes he can control his behaviour but chooses not to. She bases this on him being quiet and withdrawn when he started in her class but I believe that was because he was totally overwhelmed by the new environment and was working out what to do. He doesn’t like her because she keeps telling him to look at her.

I’m sorry this is so long but I’m feeling totally at a loss to know how to get school to understand him and I’m so worried about what the future holds for my little star. Can anyone offer advice?

 

Parents

  • Nothing worse than teachers assuming they know you because of a diagnosis. When mine found out about my diagnosis at least 3 started talking to me slowly and putting on their 'concerned talking to a small child' faces to which I stared at them blankly and asked if they were having issues at home. Admittedly that was a bit rude but it shocked them out of that behaviour. I made sure to point out (in as polite a manner as I could) that if I do need help then I'll let them know and the only other thing is that they set homework 5 minutes or so before the bell.

    You should have seen the look on my textile teachers face, hilarious XD It was as though I'd broken into song and danced on a table (which I never have and never will do thanks). Loving giving the normals a reality check. :)

    They've been doing fine since (except for one but trying to work through it) but it may be because most have known me for so long prior to this whole thing. Was shocking though, only my mental art teacher treated me as she normally would while everyone suddenly ignored the last 5 years of teaching me to focus on my diagnosis...scary.

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  • Nothing worse than teachers assuming they know you because of a diagnosis. When mine found out about my diagnosis at least 3 started talking to me slowly and putting on their 'concerned talking to a small child' faces to which I stared at them blankly and asked if they were having issues at home. Admittedly that was a bit rude but it shocked them out of that behaviour. I made sure to point out (in as polite a manner as I could) that if I do need help then I'll let them know and the only other thing is that they set homework 5 minutes or so before the bell.

    You should have seen the look on my textile teachers face, hilarious XD It was as though I'd broken into song and danced on a table (which I never have and never will do thanks). Loving giving the normals a reality check. :)

    They've been doing fine since (except for one but trying to work through it) but it may be because most have known me for so long prior to this whole thing. Was shocking though, only my mental art teacher treated me as she normally would while everyone suddenly ignored the last 5 years of teaching me to focus on my diagnosis...scary.

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