aspergers, obsessions and parents who don't communicate...HELP!!

you can improve a child behaviour who is  on the spectrom i have it so does step son ,routine and visualy seeing the task is massive help and ease strees for him and also having calm time and brain train games are brill reading my son became verbaly agressive and reliant on playing video games well any sort of technology he gets additved to were he will miss dinners wet him self etc cuz he carnt pul away from the screen we not have routine an dtechnology time to tech him that before you do hobbie u need to complete your daily task priorites he is 16 and we relised how bad it got with addition he was 14 he is loads better he will fight it but consistance and calm asertive is better i became angry and broke alot of tvs when i played games for hours u have to tech ur asd child how to calm the mind as technology increases the chemicals to stimulate 

His behaviour and social skills improved massively when he wasn't playing on that game at all and because he was seen as "getting better" by his mother she downloaded the game on her phone for him. Now he won't talk to anyone unless it is about the game and no longer wants to interact with children in his class. This has made trying to help him develop his social skills very difficult as the game is not age appropriate for 4/5 year old step not many other children play it.  

When I said we use it as a reward system we do this by allowing him to gain extra time on the computer at our house when he has been well behaved. We understand that his behaviour won't change but he seems to respond well to earning the extra time and encourages him to do things for himself such as dress himself. It may not be the best way but it seems to work. 

When I asked about the best interest in the child I was referring to the lack of communication between his parents, because they don't honestly tell each other about how they parent him when he is with them there seems to be inconsistency and I thought that a child with autism or aspergers would need a routine to help them. 

Is his aggressive and violent behaviour towards other children recognisably derived from playing the video games - given until recently, since you took away access at your house, he hasn't had access to plants vs zombies?

Aggressive and violent behaviour could be down to his reactions to sensory stress, or unseen bullying and mockery. Autism affects social communication, in many ways, but one particular is it makes you appear naiive and slow to other children, and therefore easily taken advantage of. Defensive reactions may be perceived as dispropriate to little seen/covert bullying by a number of other kids

Environmental issues such as stress due to classroom noise, complex visual stimuli, could trigger aggressive reactions, such as shouting and hitting out at other kids, who don't understand the pain he experiences.

Also, why are you using the computer as a reward system? I'm puzzled. Autistic spectrum involves behaviours driven by different wiring - not curable, maybe adaptable. Sometimes you can address behaviours by means of reward, but something as fundamental as computer access, which may be a sanctuary for him - I'm wondering if you are supposing you can fundamentally change him by conditioning him with rewards and penalties.

As you say, health workers are in dialogue with his mother, not with you, and she may have a better understanding of supporting a child on the spectrum.

Aas you say "Surely that's not in his best interest" - well if you knew about the life experiences of children on the autistic spectrum I'm astonished you have to ask that question.

I am not 100% sure because I am having to just go off what we are told by the mother as we are never invited to health visitor appointments etc. It is a violent game and the health visitor had apparently said that he shouldn't play on it because one of the main issues in school was that he was incredibly aggressive and violent towards other children. My issue is not that he plays on the computer, because we use it as a reward system when he is at our house. However at her house it is a tool to just keep him quiet and out of the way all the time. I just want more age appropriate games for him. We had stopped him playing on plants vs zombies and put up with the bad temper and as soon as he is seen as "getting better" she gives him the game back which then sets him back again. I am not blaming her 100% but it feels like we are fighting a losing battle and with neither of them communicating with each other properly it gets frustrating for me because I can see the set backs where they just seem happy to ignore it...surely that's not in his best interest

What were the autism support qualifications of the health visitor? Would the health visitor actually know much about the game?

There are many postings on here about obsessive and prolonged time on the computer and computer games. It has to be borne in mind that the social world is uncomfortable, and the computer environment has different rules that may offer more security.

So there isn't an easy answer here but a search around computer games (Search the Community is above the red box New Discussions) will get you a cross-section of opinions.

There are a lot of health visitors out there, even working with people on the spectrum, with astoundingly scant understanding of autism. I wouldn't necessarily assume the health visitor knew what he/she was talking about.