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aspergers, obsessions and parents who don't communicate...HELP!!

stepmumtroubles

I have a 5 year old step son who has an obsession with plants vs zombies. His mother was told by the health visitor (apparently) that he shouldn't be playing this game, during a time that she couldn't provide the game for him. Now that she can she has gone and bought him a tablet for Christmas which will give him unlimited access to his obsession. He will literally play this game from the minute he wakes up until the minute he goes to sleep. My husband (his father) just doesn't seem to say anything even though he says to me that he sees it as an issue. My step son seems to have now taken a step backwards with his behaviours and obsessions and as the step mother (and the person who made them aware that there might be an issue with autism) my opinion means nothing and it's so frustrating to have to deal with this especially being pregnant myself. Is there any one in a similar situation to me? Or any one who can advise me on something to do?! 

Parents

  • Is his aggressive and violent behaviour towards other children recognisably derived from playing the video games - given until recently, since you took away access at your house, he hasn't had access to plants vs zombies?

    Aggressive and violent behaviour could be down to his reactions to sensory stress, or unseen bullying and mockery. Autism affects social communication, in many ways, but one particular is it makes you appear naiive and slow to other children, and therefore easily taken advantage of. Defensive reactions may be perceived as dispropriate to little seen/covert bullying by a number of other kids

    Environmental issues such as stress due to classroom noise, complex visual stimuli, could trigger aggressive reactions, such as shouting and hitting out at other kids, who don't understand the pain he experiences.

    Also, why are you using the computer as a reward system? I'm puzzled. Autistic spectrum involves behaviours driven by different wiring - not curable, maybe adaptable. Sometimes you can address behaviours by means of reward, but something as fundamental as computer access, which may be a sanctuary for him - I'm wondering if you are supposing you can fundamentally change him by conditioning him with rewards and penalties.

    As you say, health workers are in dialogue with his mother, not with you, and she may have a better understanding of supporting a child on the spectrum.

    Aas you say "Surely that's not in his best interest" - well if you knew about the life experiences of children on the autistic spectrum I'm astonished you have to ask that question.

Reply

  • Is his aggressive and violent behaviour towards other children recognisably derived from playing the video games - given until recently, since you took away access at your house, he hasn't had access to plants vs zombies?

    Aggressive and violent behaviour could be down to his reactions to sensory stress, or unseen bullying and mockery. Autism affects social communication, in many ways, but one particular is it makes you appear naiive and slow to other children, and therefore easily taken advantage of. Defensive reactions may be perceived as dispropriate to little seen/covert bullying by a number of other kids

    Environmental issues such as stress due to classroom noise, complex visual stimuli, could trigger aggressive reactions, such as shouting and hitting out at other kids, who don't understand the pain he experiences.

    Also, why are you using the computer as a reward system? I'm puzzled. Autistic spectrum involves behaviours driven by different wiring - not curable, maybe adaptable. Sometimes you can address behaviours by means of reward, but something as fundamental as computer access, which may be a sanctuary for him - I'm wondering if you are supposing you can fundamentally change him by conditioning him with rewards and penalties.

    As you say, health workers are in dialogue with his mother, not with you, and she may have a better understanding of supporting a child on the spectrum.

    Aas you say "Surely that's not in his best interest" - well if you knew about the life experiences of children on the autistic spectrum I'm astonished you have to ask that question.

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