Published on 12, July, 2020
I am curious if other parents with kids on the spectrum have as much difficulty as I do 'making' their children do chores? I have put 'making' in quotes because to be honest, their is no 'making' .. there is only the getting them to agree that it would helpful for them to be helpful at this particular time and place ...
And I guess I just more or less answered my own question because it seems to me, their is no 'making' because attempts to reason, or yell at them (my frustration) don't work - they tend to meltdown if I do that. They will be very helpful if they are in the mood to be helpful which doesn't actually happen all that often for my son (almost 16) (once a month and when he does he is outstanding but he has all kinds of other issues like he can only be around other people for about 3-4 hours before he shuts down).
This leaves my poor oldest daughter (age 17) as the main 'slave' because at the moment she is the only one who will do anything ... she doesn't like it though and if I ask too much she will also melt. And timescales ... unless I give a good reason that she agrees with that it needs to be done 'NOW', she will put it off and go back into her own little world and forget even if I remind her 3 or 4 times a day for 3 days (3 days is about the average length of time it takes for her to do something if it isn't urgent).
NT daughter (age 12) with sensory issues generally times a temper tantrum or angst the moment she is asked to do anything and thus wiggles out of it ...
This is a bit of a rant. I know I must not be the only one. During school term time, I don't even begin to ask as everyone is so stressed and overloaded from school
I hate housework myself. If I had known it would be my main job (besides working full-time and running the house including all the finances and making sure people ate properly ...). ARRRRRRGGGG ....
Too much. And the worst thing is ... they aren't getting the skills they will need in the future when I'm gone ...
Anyone else?
Dor
Hello :)
First of all - what I'm struggling with is this.
1. I don't know how other teenagers are because I haven't seen them in situ - that is - in their own households. I don't have that many friends and the friends that I have tend to be either online, or don't have children that are teenagers (yet).
2. My own feelings.
I GET that they have sensory issues and need to shut down after a while. I get this. That is why I hardly EVER ask anyone to help me (well I ask but I know that I am not going to get a very good answer most of the time so I give up).
But, I am almost sure that I have undiagnosed Aspergers as well. And even if I did not, when I work at a demanding job (I'm a programmer in a busy open plan office) where *I* am assaulted by bright lights and noise and having to be socially interactive (since I lead our team of 8 people) while at the same time needing to think about quite difficult things and be productive ... well when I get home at the end of the day and find that children who are quite capable of messing up the kitchen completely and have done so - have left me a huge mess - which needs cleaning up before I can cook their supper ...
I think that maybe MY needs are not being met. In the past I have tried not doing any housework either - which means that we live in the pigsty but since we rent and there is a house inspection every 6 months (more if you fail) - it has been humiliating - and more to the point we are now trying to repair our reference so that we can actually rent a house that is big enough for all of us.
It boils down to this. I am tired of people telling me that I need to make the children do more because I really can't do it.
I am tired of the children not helping at all and living like they are in a hotel although I recognize that this is what children will do if they are not pushed.
I am tired of people telling me what I should do and how I should be. I just want to be myself but apparently it isn't allowed for ME to be that person. It's only allowed if you are a child?
I feel like a bad mother on both accounts.
I GET that with Aspergers they are going to have the need to pursue their special interests and have time away from other people most of the time, god knows I would love to be in their shoes because there is nothing more I would like to do than to go online and play WoW, or hearthstone or do more work rather than doing all this horrible housework which I hate and I am incredibly bad at, just because for some reason, my needs are less important than their need to do the same thing simply because I'm the adult. I'm glad that because Blizzard hasn't released any new content for a year and because the guild that I was leading would need building up again before I could raid, that I actually have the freedom to do this - but I really miss having a special interest that absorbs and consumes me and I'm getting tired of relying on mmo manufacturers to provide this and I need something else ... and I am pretty darn sure that I am not really intereseted in having that special interest to be housework.
I don't really need advice to FIX this. It's working ok (ish) as it is right now - I've resigned myself to a life of servitude until they move out which they probably will never do. Was just hoping to hear from anyone else who FEELS like I do.
My son has just come downstairs and we are going to go to Morrisons and buy cheese for his birthday fondue and, I think, a cake mix for his cake. Which I was going to make in the shape of a starship but I am not sure I can now so it will probably just be a plain cake and he will be happy. So I will stop ranting. It's so hard to convey everything that is a situation in text to people who don't know one.
Probably that was way too much information but hopefully, someone will read it and understand.