Does anyone else feel all these anti-bullying policies are no more than words on paper?

Rather than start a whole new thread, this one seems perfect for a revival. Anyone else concerned that even 10 years later it feels a bit like the schools just say they've done something to say they've done it and the real impact these lip-service policies have had is minimal?

longman said:

Sadly I'm never going to get this across to NAS, whio will sail on contentedly, not bothering in the slightest how many kids suuffer for aspergers caused difference not explained by the triad of impairments.

The NAS are more interested in holding coffee mornings for parents of severely autistic people who require residential care services or use NAS special schools.

I was bullied myself and two girls (even in this day and age and who are now grown women) think they have to carry it on.  I didn't get any support as it was a different world, so now my confidence is in tatters, you don't have to put up with it.

The only thing I can suggest is Childline Helpline: 0800 11 11 (lines open 24 hours)  

or these people:

http://www.beatbullying.org/

http://www.bullying.co.uk/

http://www.bullying.co.uk/advice/anti-bullying-advice(opens in a new window) 

http://www.flturningpoint.org.uk/(opens in a new window) 

True Vision
http://www.report-it.org.uk/home(opens in a new window) 
Information on hate crime and how to report it.

Supportline 
http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/bullying_at_school.php(opens in a new window) 
Supportline provides telephone support for any problems including bullying and cyber-bullying. Helpline: 01708 765 200 (lines open Monday 8.30 – 10.30am, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday 5pm – 7.30pm)
Email: info@supportline.org.uk 

Gov.uk – bullying at school
https://www.gov.uk/bullying-at-school/reporting-bullying(opens in a new window) 
Information from the Government about the legal position of school bullying, includes what schools and the police need to do and how to report it. 

www.nationalbullyinghelpline.co.uk/

If all else fails I usually write their full name down of who's tormenting me, and place it in an envelope in a freezer; usually helps.

I can follow the development of the more complex forms of bullying, and people on the spectrum may be victims of conventional bullying.

The problem is if you are different, the bullying can be much more about peer rejection. I would still stress the danger of assuming conventional bullying, if the real issue is an individual standing out as different, and suffering exclusion, rejection or direct hostility.

A parallel is the label "***". This is often used for just different. The perception might be it refers to sexuality, and certainly the implication is often "same as" ***, and just as hurtful and derogatory. But many people labelled "*** " in schools are not gay. The misery caused is as extreme.

The odd thing is that "***" labelling is one of the most extensively studied forms of collective bullying. This may be about political correctness and a sense of obligation to stop people being bullied on the griounds of sexuality - but it seems few kids labelled *** actually are gay.

Bullying Asperger kids might be an equality issue if it is specific. But the kids suffering this are not usually being labelled "aspie". The discrimination is about difference, the reason for the difference is less widely understood.

So bizarrely we will see teachers act postiviely where someone is called "***", but completely failing to understand when someone on the autistic spectrum is suffering collective bullying.

In some way this is down to the cliche - triad of impaitrments - yes we know about the disability from the triad, but we don't know why this child is behaving oddly if its not covered by the triad.

Sadly I'm never going to get this across to NAS, whio will sail on contentedly, not bothering in the slightest how many kids suuffer for aspergers caused difference not explained by the triad of impairments. 

Arran said:

...clobbering motorists who are driving 1mph over the speed limit are more important.

thats not even a law enforcement issue, its a thinly disguised motoring tax and the revenue generated ought to be funding law enforcement efforts

outraged said:

Why is the teaching industry not more attentively regulated? Reading this thread demonstrates the complete lack of accountability. Consideration needs to be given to what orginisational changes are necessary to ensure that instances of bullying cannot be ignored.

Because teaching unions wield too much power. This is probably not PC to say so - and downright offensive to those on the political 'left' - but I'm in favour of teaching unions having their powers curtailed in a way that even Maggie Thatcher would not dream of.

You wouldn't believe how many former teachers have become home educators. They have insight into how the teaching profession really works and they know that reform from within is almost impossible in the ways that they want it. Many a time have these teachers told me that teaching union bosses are amongst some of the worst bullies themselves. They can only think of collective causes (that benefit themselves) rather than the individual needs and requirements of the children. The political views they hold are often sickening from the perspective of a high proportion of parents.

Also, why is it that bullys are never procecuted? Physical and/or verbal abuse day after day with perhaps robbery or extortion! These are criminal acts that should be procecuted as a matter of course rather than as an exception, and whereas the bully is not deemed old enough to be responsible for their actions then the school must be held responsible for acts that occur at school and parents must be held resonsible for acts outside of school.

The police aren't interested. They have enough on their plates. The prevention of terrorism via the controversial and highly flawed PREVENT strategy, and clobbering motorists who are driving 1mph over the speed limit are more important.

Why is the teaching industry not more attentively regulated? Reading this thread demonstrates the complete lack of accountability. Consideration needs to be given to what orginisational changes are necessary to ensure that instances of bullying cannot be ignored.

Also, why is it that bullys are never procecuted? Physical and/or verbal abuse day after day with perhaps robbery or extortion! These are criminal acts that should be procecuted as a matter of course rather than as an exception, and whereas the bully is not deemed old enough to be responsible for their actions then the school must be held responsible for acts that occur at school and parents must be held resonsible for acts outside of school.

Does anyone else feel all these anti-bullying policies are no more than words on paper?

Yes, yes, yes.

longman said:

There seem to be two types of bullying here: conventionally defined bullying with one or several agresssors, and collective bullying with the whole of his class or peer group turning against him.

I can see where you are coming from but real world situations are more complicated than this. There are children who are regular bullies and other children who rarely bully unless they are 'catalysed'. The majority of cases of collective bullying result from children who have been catalysed, more often than not by regular bullies and staff. Bullies bully in many different ways. Some use physical violence whereas others hatch plots or create smear campaigns.

What hasn't been mentioned is what goes on behind the scenes. A common mistake is to assume that the bully is acting under their own volition but in reality the mindset of many bullies is shaped by the people they associate with and that includes their parents. More than enough parents have their own prejudices towards people with AS and consider them to be nutters, freaks, liabilities, spoilers, or badly behaved, badly parented, arrogant, wayward individuals that deserve a kick up the backside to knock them into line. If they won't fit then beat them into submission. These parents therefore encourage their own children to be bullies.

Schools seem to have a mental block over bullying in respect of children on the autistic spectrum. If you are not socially competent you are likely to get ostracised by your peers for being different.

Schools tend to take the stance that the victim should toughen up, or if there is collective bullying, the victim is at fault and should change their ways - that shouldn't be applied to any victim let alone someone on the autistic spectrum.

This is very true. An inherent belief held by many teachers is that a hierarchy of children or pecking order is the natural system (it's what Charles Darwin says is true) in a school. Some children will always come out on top whilst others will be underdogs. School shows them their true place in society.

Another factor are teaching unions which represent the interests of teachers rather than children or their parents. They rarely say anything about bullying and generally have a poor understanding certain types of SEN, including ASD or dyspraxia. Certain ideologies held by teaching unions such as mixed ability classes rather than streaming; plenty of help available for children who are behind academically but nothing for high ability children or accelerated learning; and an unwillingness for schools to provide support services for social skills and life skills for children who are bullied or less socially competent all impact badly on bullied children. It's not uncommon for teachers who go out of their way to help and support bullied children to run afoul of teaching union bosses over issues like doing work without pay or work outside of their contract.

In my experience, teachers can and do enable the bullying of pupils w ASD's. They start by showing exasperation at unusual questions in class, progress to resenting the effort it takes to suppress bullying and end up saying things like "just ignore him; he's special"

Teachers don't like children that are too smart or ask difficult and unusual questions.

The way that schools work is that pleasing people is more important than being factually correct. Popular opinion and majority consensus trump the truth. A child who corrects a teacher who has made a mistake or got a fact wrong will almost always offend and hurt their classmates more than the teacher. They just don't take kindly to some smart kid who knows more than the teacher knows.

As someone on the spectrum who has experienced bullying in school first hand i have to say I agree with you.  There is some schools out there you will just get no where with, and it's absolutely no fault of your own or your child.  My mum sent letters, had meetings, talked to parents, but it didn't make any difference.  The head teacher was just, like, what am I supposed to do, it's just kids being kids.  In my case the teachers were as bad to me as the children were.  I don't know how different school would've been if I had been diagnosed with autistic problems earlier in my life (I wasn't diagnosed until I was well out of school), everyone just seemed to htink I was a problem child.  My "guidance" teacher was not interested in guiding anyone.  She was in her 40s, a gym teacher (who wore short shorts all the time), and gave our class one sex education class where she said 'I'm 40 years old and still a virgin, you don't need to have sex to get anywhere in life', and that was it. She also discouraged me from going to university, saying there was no point in me going as there was no hope for me.

Sadly the school didn't take me seriously until I was sexually assaulted in my last year there.  I was pinned in a room by a guy in my class and he got his privates out at me, but I managed to get away and tell a teacher I had not talked to before.  I don't think my guidance teacher would've done very much.  Somehow the news of this happening got out and I'm now known as the person who got him expelled, it's even in the yearbook, and I now have to live with that.  It's a pity it got to that stage of bullying though.

But, if it wasn't for my mother I think I'd be a different person.  She kept me right in how to deal with people like this.  It was difficult to experience (being tripped up in hallways, cornered in bathrooms by girls, etc) but my grandmother and mother (my dad left when I was 2) always reminded me that I was better than them, that they only bullied me because they were jealous or bored, and that it wasn't my fault.  Even though I haven't been in school for 10 years now I feel that even if the school had done anything it probably would'nt have mattered as much as the support and strength my mother and grandmother gave me, so what you are doing for your child is great and you should'nt give up.  The system maybe different than it was during my time, so you might get somewhere some day.  It's not his fault he sees the world in a different way, and I've grown to realise it's not a bad thing at all.  If anything it's some of my greatest strengths.  Attention to detail, no interest in gossiping, ability to work well on my own.  And for all those people who picked on me in school, I found out a lot of them were on drugs and alcohol while in school and have now not amounted to much, or are actually apologising to me when they meet me for how they were to me in school.  It doesn't happen this way to everyone, I know that, but if it gives at least one person hope then that's good enough for me.

In my experience, teachers can and do enable the bullying of pupils w ASD's. They start by showing exasperation at unusual questions in class, progress to resenting the effort it takes to suppress bullying and end up saying things like "just ignore him; he's special"

Then when a parent wants to know why their child comes home from school with bruising and torn clothes, the teacher says something like "he doesnt interact well with his peers, and often is the cause of conflict...its the whole class involved so it must be your sons fault..."

Yes I certainly know how you feel on this yet again, I home schooled 3 of my children for 7 years and became a trustee for education otherwise for 2 years  through the bullying my children recieved. I find it absolutely disgusting how they can get away with it , as the ladies have said record everything down and take photos of any bruising to your child. the other thing is the internet ,copy any kind of harrassment or abuse. In my case i took everything to the LEA , the education welfare officers and the head teacher ,MP did his best but even he said that the head teacher was bad. After 7 years my children are still withdrawn with what happened. Oh one thing dont go into any school by yourself to complain always go with another person who can back you up as they seem to turn it all on you that goes for the LEA officers as well. I wish you all the luck in this situation and tell your son its not his fault hes getting bullied 

All of the above posts have been enlightening if not a little too close to home. 

I was brought up to believe that bullying was a part of life and I needed to learn to deal with it.

It was only when my own son got bullied in primary school that I realised that it's not so good.

My son is now in high school and it's the school that is doing the bullying.

Good point Chaffinch,

 But i'm not sure standing in your own home and taking a photo out of your own window into the street constitutes an infringement on a child, does it?

When many have CCTV to protect their homes now, is that an infringement if it captures a child bullying another? It's a grey area.

Different if I ran around stalking a child perhaps, but I see your point. In the past I've had to document my own childs injurys using photography, but as advice perhaps thats more appropriate. Hope i haven't upset anyone, but the emotive subject of ones kids being terrorized does tend to make ones blood boil.

Regards

Coogybear xx

Harassment is a criminal offence. I'd go to the Citizen's Advice Bureau. They'll be able to advise if you are entitled to free legal advice. (Also, some people have free legal advice as part of their home insurance or Union membership.) A legal advisor will be able to tell you exactly how to gather evidence and what to do next.

Coogybear, with respect I don't think it would be wise to advise somebody to take photographs of the incidents, especially if children are involved.

Hi.

Firstly, let me say i understand where you are coming from. Bullying is a serious issue and not tackled with enough gusto or with a enough sensitivity by Schools or the police in my opinion. Both my sons have been badly bullied at School and one of my boys had a starnger try and set his hair on fire whilst travelling to School on the bus with my husband. My youngest was also bullied by a teacher! Disgraceful really. Sadly, this isn't just a mainstream issue either. And if the bullies are allowed to continue at School, they go on to become adults that bully.

By chance i happened to recieve this on my feed today.

www.bbc.co.uk/.../education-27937681

It talks very clearly about the injustices of such behaviour and the need to educate schools and adults in dealing with bullying. 

For my own son, it became untenable. I had to home educate him at one point. He could no longer use public transport and remained in his bedroom where he felt safe. Eventually, we had a restraining order placed against the bully, but that only came as part of the court case against the bully for the assault.

My son suffered deep trauma over it all and even now, many years on, still hasn't fully recovered. He suffers panic attacks and severe anxiety. The effects are far reaching and go well beyond any bullies understanding, so i do empathize with both you and your son.

Clearly, the School in question isn't willing to accept their is a problem. Personally, I would write to the Governors and lodge an official complaint. Their failure to respond to your complaint in writing displays a lack of willingness to even address your concerns, so it needs to go higher. Send them a copy of your 1st letter and ask them to review thier Policies as a result. If nothing else, it may make them realize that it's no longer acceptable to let such behaviour continue. After all your son has now been deprived of an education as a result of the Schools inaction and the govenors need to know this. The truth is the child responsible for the bullying should be excluded, not the other way around. I realize this is too little too late for your own son, but without educating the School your sons suffering will have been in vain. It will continue to perpetuate and happen to another child. 

Next I would focus on your son. He will probably need some emotional support. We had to get our son a councellor and support from Copes to even get him back to School. Thankfully, he ended up at an excellent secondary which had a zero tollerance policy to bullying. If it did occur, pupils were allowed to confront the perpetrator in a safe environment, sanctions were swift, hand written apologies from the perperator were forthcoming and the bully was excluded and made to come into School to catch up on School work during their holiday time and weekends.

This breath of fresh air gave my son a voice. He learned skills that enabled him to confront the bully and a means to get justice. He's grown greatly in confidence, become an ambassador for Autism in his college and speaks with staff and students about the effects of bullying in addition to his Autism and the learning difficulties he has. 

He remains vulnerable, but at least he feels more empowered in his life.

If this child is going to continue to bully your son, by standing outside your house. Call the police. Write down everytime he is seen near you, your son or the house. Take a photo of him each time and document all pervious incidents that have occured complete with dates and details of any assaults either verbal or physical. When you have all the evidence gathered, go down to the local police station and ask them to issue a restraining or harrassment order against the bully. The police won't get involved if they feel it's a one off issue, however, they have a duty to act if it's systematic persistant actions or intimidation. Any physical assault is very serious and needs police involvement immediately.

You haven't mentioned the age of your son or the bully. It could be the police are reluctant to help, because of the age of the child/person involved. (below the age of criminal responsibility.) Most county councils have a bullying team attached to their education dept. That team should be alerted to what is going on with your son and this individual and that your son is being deprived of an education as a result. If so, you may need to contact them also when you contact the governors at the School. Tell the governors that you have called the team to address what you consider to be serious shortfalls at the School, which has led to your sons withdrawal. It will make them take notice.

Keep the main focus on your son though and bare in mind that seeking redress needs careful management for your son. My boy was interviewed about the assault he endured under special measures. This means it was carried out in a non intimidateing environment and given by video evidence, yet he still found it incredably difficult. The justice element can be empowering for someone that has suffered in the way your son has, but be sure to ensure his stress levels are well managed.

My heart and prayers to you both. Sorry I can't be of more help.

Regards,

Coogybear. XX

There seem to be two types of bullying here: conventionally defined bullying with one or several agresssors, and collective bullying with the whole of his class or peer group turning against him.

Schools seem to have a mental block over bullying in respect of children on the autistic spectrum. If you are not socially competent you are likely to get ostracised by your peers for being different.

If this is where your son was placed in the context of autistic spectrum diagnosis, then the school has failed in its responsibilities by not recognising a special need.

Bullying by an aggressive individual could also be because a child on the spectrum is vulnerable and unable to cope with this kind of aggression.

Schools tend to take the stance that the victim should toughen up, or if there is collective bullying, the victim is at fault and should change their ways - that shouldn't be applied to any victim let alone someone on the autistic spectrum.

If the aggressive individual is taunting your son outside your home that amounts to stalking. Every time it happens phone the police and insist on getting an incident number (date and reference number). The police may provaricate but they cannot refuse. Keep a record of the incident reported and the incident number. The police are supposed to act after three related incident numbers. They'll try to avoid it, but significantly more than three and it starts to affect their crime figures.

There is a useful book around "Asperger Syndrome and bullying - Strategies and Solutions" by Nick Dubin (Jessica Kingsley Publishers 2007 ISBN 978 1 84310 846 7). While having an American context it does explore a lot of the issues.

I myself was bullied right through school. I was big enough to take care of myself, but also entertaining by the way I reacted under stress, and pretty well useless once stressed - basically my peers worked out how to stage a meltdown. I survived, but the effects lingered for decades. The adage toughen up doesn't apply if your primary difficulties are social interaction and sensory overload.

Unfortunately schools and most anti-bullying charities do not seem to comprehend autism as a factor in bullying. Most people think of bullying as one or several aggressors stealing pocket money from kids while everyone else looks on but does nothing. Where the victims are autistic it is usually about their disability, and involves many more perpetrators, even if one bully stands out.

I wish I could get NAS to take more action with the anti-bullying charities

Is the bully a child?  I think there must be something you can do about him being outside your house.  If the police can not help, I'd speak to your local councillor or MP.  Alternatively, go to CAB to see if they can offer any legal advice - I'm not sure if you can take out an injuction against a child?  Alternatively, if the area has social housing and the child is a tenant, it may be worth speaking to the landlord.  Families have been removed from houses because of anti-social behaviour.

I do think schools vary a great deal when it comes to bullying.  I've been lucky in that all three schools my daughter has attended have been marvellous at dealing with bullying but the actual bullying has a real knock on self-esteem.  If you haven't already done so, I'd go to your GP and ask for some help from CAMHS for this.

Did you write the letter to the head or the governors?  If the first, send a copy to the governors and also copy in the LEA.  I've heard of some terrible bullying incidents that have been dismissed by the head and the governors but sending a copy to the LEA ensures its kept on file.

I hope you get this sorted.