Does anyone else feel all these anti-bullying policies are no more than words on paper?

Hi.

Firstly, let me say i understand where you are coming from. Bullying is a serious issue and not tackled with enough gusto or with a enough sensitivity by Schools or the police in my opinion. Both my sons have been badly bullied at School and one of my boys had a starnger try and set his hair on fire whilst travelling to School on the bus with my husband. My youngest was also bullied by a teacher! Disgraceful really. Sadly, this isn't just a mainstream issue either. And if the bullies are allowed to continue at School, they go on to become adults that bully.

By chance i happened to recieve this on my feed today.

www.bbc.co.uk/.../education-27937681

It talks very clearly about the injustices of such behaviour and the need to educate schools and adults in dealing with bullying. 

For my own son, it became untenable. I had to home educate him at one point. He could no longer use public transport and remained in his bedroom where he felt safe. Eventually, we had a restraining order placed against the bully, but that only came as part of the court case against the bully for the assault.

My son suffered deep trauma over it all and even now, many years on, still hasn't fully recovered. He suffers panic attacks and severe anxiety. The effects are far reaching and go well beyond any bullies understanding, so i do empathize with both you and your son.

Clearly, the School in question isn't willing to accept their is a problem. Personally, I would write to the Governors and lodge an official complaint. Their failure to respond to your complaint in writing displays a lack of willingness to even address your concerns, so it needs to go higher. Send them a copy of your 1st letter and ask them to review thier Policies as a result. If nothing else, it may make them realize that it's no longer acceptable to let such behaviour continue. After all your son has now been deprived of an education as a result of the Schools inaction and the govenors need to know this. The truth is the child responsible for the bullying should be excluded, not the other way around. I realize this is too little too late for your own son, but without educating the School your sons suffering will have been in vain. It will continue to perpetuate and happen to another child. 

Next I would focus on your son. He will probably need some emotional support. We had to get our son a councellor and support from Copes to even get him back to School. Thankfully, he ended up at an excellent secondary which had a zero tollerance policy to bullying. If it did occur, pupils were allowed to confront the perpetrator in a safe environment, sanctions were swift, hand written apologies from the perperator were forthcoming and the bully was excluded and made to come into School to catch up on School work during their holiday time and weekends.

This breath of fresh air gave my son a voice. He learned skills that enabled him to confront the bully and a means to get justice. He's grown greatly in confidence, become an ambassador for Autism in his college and speaks with staff and students about the effects of bullying in addition to his Autism and the learning difficulties he has. 

He remains vulnerable, but at least he feels more empowered in his life.

If this child is going to continue to bully your son, by standing outside your house. Call the police. Write down everytime he is seen near you, your son or the house. Take a photo of him each time and document all pervious incidents that have occured complete with dates and details of any assaults either verbal or physical. When you have all the evidence gathered, go down to the local police station and ask them to issue a restraining or harrassment order against the bully. The police won't get involved if they feel it's a one off issue, however, they have a duty to act if it's systematic persistant actions or intimidation. Any physical assault is very serious and needs police involvement immediately.

You haven't mentioned the age of your son or the bully. It could be the police are reluctant to help, because of the age of the child/person involved. (below the age of criminal responsibility.) Most county councils have a bullying team attached to their education dept. That team should be alerted to what is going on with your son and this individual and that your son is being deprived of an education as a result. If so, you may need to contact them also when you contact the governors at the School. Tell the governors that you have called the team to address what you consider to be serious shortfalls at the School, which has led to your sons withdrawal. It will make them take notice.

Keep the main focus on your son though and bare in mind that seeking redress needs careful management for your son. My boy was interviewed about the assault he endured under special measures. This means it was carried out in a non intimidateing environment and given by video evidence, yet he still found it incredably difficult. The justice element can be empowering for someone that has suffered in the way your son has, but be sure to ensure his stress levels are well managed.

My heart and prayers to you both. Sorry I can't be of more help.

Regards,

Coogybear. XX

Hi.

Firstly, let me say i understand where you are coming from. Bullying is a serious issue and not tackled with enough gusto or with a enough sensitivity by Schools or the police in my opinion. Both my sons have been badly bullied at School and one of my boys had a starnger try and set his hair on fire whilst travelling to School on the bus with my husband. My youngest was also bullied by a teacher! Disgraceful really. Sadly, this isn't just a mainstream issue either. And if the bullies are allowed to continue at School, they go on to become adults that bully.

By chance i happened to recieve this on my feed today.

www.bbc.co.uk/.../education-27937681

It talks very clearly about the injustices of such behaviour and the need to educate schools and adults in dealing with bullying. 

For my own son, it became untenable. I had to home educate him at one point. He could no longer use public transport and remained in his bedroom where he felt safe. Eventually, we had a restraining order placed against the bully, but that only came as part of the court case against the bully for the assault.

My son suffered deep trauma over it all and even now, many years on, still hasn't fully recovered. He suffers panic attacks and severe anxiety. The effects are far reaching and go well beyond any bullies understanding, so i do empathize with both you and your son.

Clearly, the School in question isn't willing to accept their is a problem. Personally, I would write to the Governors and lodge an official complaint. Their failure to respond to your complaint in writing displays a lack of willingness to even address your concerns, so it needs to go higher. Send them a copy of your 1st letter and ask them to review thier Policies as a result. If nothing else, it may make them realize that it's no longer acceptable to let such behaviour continue. After all your son has now been deprived of an education as a result of the Schools inaction and the govenors need to know this. The truth is the child responsible for the bullying should be excluded, not the other way around. I realize this is too little too late for your own son, but without educating the School your sons suffering will have been in vain. It will continue to perpetuate and happen to another child. 

Next I would focus on your son. He will probably need some emotional support. We had to get our son a councellor and support from Copes to even get him back to School. Thankfully, he ended up at an excellent secondary which had a zero tollerance policy to bullying. If it did occur, pupils were allowed to confront the perpetrator in a safe environment, sanctions were swift, hand written apologies from the perperator were forthcoming and the bully was excluded and made to come into School to catch up on School work during their holiday time and weekends.

This breath of fresh air gave my son a voice. He learned skills that enabled him to confront the bully and a means to get justice. He's grown greatly in confidence, become an ambassador for Autism in his college and speaks with staff and students about the effects of bullying in addition to his Autism and the learning difficulties he has. 

He remains vulnerable, but at least he feels more empowered in his life.

If this child is going to continue to bully your son, by standing outside your house. Call the police. Write down everytime he is seen near you, your son or the house. Take a photo of him each time and document all pervious incidents that have occured complete with dates and details of any assaults either verbal or physical. When you have all the evidence gathered, go down to the local police station and ask them to issue a restraining or harrassment order against the bully. The police won't get involved if they feel it's a one off issue, however, they have a duty to act if it's systematic persistant actions or intimidation. Any physical assault is very serious and needs police involvement immediately.

You haven't mentioned the age of your son or the bully. It could be the police are reluctant to help, because of the age of the child/person involved. (below the age of criminal responsibility.) Most county councils have a bullying team attached to their education dept. That team should be alerted to what is going on with your son and this individual and that your son is being deprived of an education as a result. If so, you may need to contact them also when you contact the governors at the School. Tell the governors that you have called the team to address what you consider to be serious shortfalls at the School, which has led to your sons withdrawal. It will make them take notice.

Keep the main focus on your son though and bare in mind that seeking redress needs careful management for your son. My boy was interviewed about the assault he endured under special measures. This means it was carried out in a non intimidateing environment and given by video evidence, yet he still found it incredably difficult. The justice element can be empowering for someone that has suffered in the way your son has, but be sure to ensure his stress levels are well managed.

My heart and prayers to you both. Sorry I can't be of more help.

Regards,

Coogybear. XX