Holidays and family activities

As autistic people we need to learn to comprise but so do neurotypical people it’s hard to get it right but it’s all about reasonable accommodation so mabie showing her videos of what you wnat to do first letting her picks out her favoured activity at the place you want it go that day 

Distraction while you are out and about, perhaps ask her to discuss an interest of hers and ask her questions about it. Bring along some earphones if she likes music to play her favourite songs to help regulate and block out any excess noise which she may find uncomfortable. Give her options to over which activity she would like to do most. These are some of the coping strategies I have used when out and about with my kids.

She will probably feel very out of her comfort zone and unsure what to expect and it can be hard for autistic people to understand how others may be feeling, even on holiday where everyone is expected to be out there making memories and enjoying themselves. 

Obviously every autistic child is different, some verbal, some non verbal with varying traits and support needs so these ideas above may not be ideal for you. I understand how difficult it can be trying to do the everyday things that a family should enjoy when you are responsible for someone who may not always be onboard with it. 

I was on a holiday in June. I couldn't have managed doing something every day. Doing something once every two or three days was definitely enough. Even at that, it was only going out for dinner to a restaurant, not going on a big day trip. And I'm the dad! I let everyone else get on with it and I joined them when I felt I had the energy to cope.

We're all different and have different abilities to cope with things and this can change depending on circumstances. With the "lack of routine and unfamiliarity", your daughter is probably finding it hard just to do the basics. Once the meltdowns start, a break of a day or two is a necessity, not a luxury. She's struggling.

None of this is your daughter's fault. She is not having meltdowns to further some agenda. She is probably trying her best to "learn to adapt", but is simply unable to do that. She sounds like she needs a day or two off help her to recover.

Ask her what she'd like to do.

I can understand the difficulty of not being able to do the amount you'd like on holiday but it is unlikely her being selfish. Change in routine is very challenging with autism. We unfortunately can't just learn to adapt. We need some level of predictability in order to cope. Holiday places can also be loud and busy and if abroad, too hot so it can be absolute sensory overload. 

Are you writing down the plan for her each day? This can help with processing it. Especially if she's seen it the day before.

Sometimes giving the person a little bit of control over something in the day can help. Doesn't need to be anything big. Just a little something that reassures that everything isn't out of her control. Closed choice can be useful too - this or that.

Rest times are definitely a good idea. 

Just one thought. I was wondering what triggered the meltdown, so you might be able to avoid a similar situation. For example changing the time you go out. The last holiday we went on my son liked going in the pool, but then the next day it was too busy. We also found it difficult finding somewhere to get a drink that was quiet enough for him.

Hello there ClaireBear71,

Honestly? Your plan sounds perfect to me. When my wife plans out vacations that I am on she tends to space out activities and build in a lot of rest time in between so that I don’t get overwhelmed. However, I don’t go on most of our vacations, so she packs in a ton of fun stuff when I’m not along for the journey. In my opinion, you’re on the right track.