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An awful day - pre diagnosis

Balloonflight1925

Hi,

I’m not really sure why I am posting other than we’ve had an awful day and I need to know I’m not going crazy.

My 8yo has not been diagnosed but we are pretty sure she has autism (we did a self referral previously but because of masking at school it didn’t work, but we are now working with the school on a referral).

Shes high masking so we get the worst of it, and most people might think she was a little odd/introverted but not neurodivergent.

we’ve had a lot of change in the last month - I’ve started a new job so our routine is different, I am around less and her dad is doing more of the childcare around school. Plus a few other small things have happened in the past couple of weeks that probably had a cumulative effect.

It was her birthday today and honestly it’s been the worst day. She woke in a bad mood because she was expecting to be the first one to wake up (we’re not sure why) and threw several gifts because they were not what she wanted. 


There have been tears on and off all day. Birthdays are always tough (not just hers) but this has been the worst. She seems ok now she’s had a normal evening routine and gone to bed, but I still feel shellshocked.

I guess I’m looking for a little solidarity and maybe some tips? 

  • Hi Balloonflight1925,

    It sounds like yesterday was a challenging day for you as a family. I hope you are all having a brighter day today.

    It could be helpful to take a look at our information on Meltdowns, It has some guidance on what can be done to help in the moment as well as how to anticipate meltdowns. The NAS also has a guide on Dealing with change.

    I hope everything goes well in your referral for your daughter, sometimes it can be beneficial to keep a written record of behaviours when going into assessment as it can be hard to remember examples on the day.

    Thank you for reaching out.

    Olivia Mod

  • in reply to Stuart333

    She wants the tradition of all the presents being out in the morning. Most of HER birthdays go well, she usually struggles most with her siblings birthday.

    i think the trigger today is that her resilience is low due to the big changes to our routine, so then ANYTHING that doesn’t go the way she’s expecting leads to a meltdown.

  • I can imagine it must be hard and demoralising when you try to create a special day and it goes a bit wrong.
    But is this not the issue, i.e, that it is a special day. Are you doing if for you or your daughter.
    What would she like to do on her birthday, perhaps that would not be so stimulating?

    Does she appreciate it later, so perhaps tomorrow she will say thankyou and it will not be so bad?

    Would it be better to space the presents out, e.g. one per hour?

    Is there a time when she is more calm, e.g. at 11am once she has got into the day, or after lunch.

    I don't have any answers, these are just some guesses.

  • Autistic father of an Autistic daughter (age 7).

    C is a loving, beautiful girl with a wild imagination. But she has her bad days. And woo boy can they be bad. I honestly could see her being upset for not waking up first just like your daughter. That sounds just like C.

    She suffers when there are strong smells and loud sounds, so we had a blowup on Mother’s Day because her grandma brought some really smelly fried chicken to a loud playground. Almost ruined the whole lunch, but we managed to calm her by having her smell some pineapple.

    We are also going through difficult changes, too. I’m currently living 2 1/2 hours away five days a week for a new job and it’ll be two months or so and C will be moving this way with her mom and sister. That’s a huge burden for a little Autistic girl.

    So, no, you’re not going crazy. If you are, then I am too, lol.