Desperate for help - sensory clothing nightmare. Daughter can't get dressed

Good morning Falcon2008,

I am very sorry to hear about the sensory issues your child is experiencing. Just to add to the very helpful advice you have already received here I wanted to point you to the advice page on sensory differences in case there is anything useful. Please find the link here:

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/sensory-differences/sensory-differences/all-audiences

I hope you find some useful advice. 

With best wishes,

Anna Mod

Thank you, this is really helpful. I haven't spoken to her much about the holiday plans really (she hasn't asked!) but I can see this could help alleviate any anxiety. Thankyou.

Falcon2008 said:

I'm so stressed we won't be able to find anything she's comfortable in before this holiday. 

I pick up on stress in others and it makes me anxious, so try working on lowering your stress levels - maybe that will help your daughter to be calmer, then you in turn can also be calmer. 

Try not to worry about "what ifs" or doing things the "correct" way - for example , if PJ bottoms are the only trousers she feels comfortable in, why not just let her wear them whenever she wants to? At the age of 10 she doesn't need to dress in any particular style of clothing (apart from maybe in school) 

If the trousers you bought her are "too hot" they probably won't be suitable for your holiday, as I'm assuming you're going somewhere hot? How about soft shorts or skirts?

Does she have a grandma, aunt or other adult family member she gets on well with? If so, would they be able to take her shopping for a few holiday clothes, to give you a break and to give her some new input/ideas?

Hope your holiday goes well.

That's interesting. It may help to give her as much detail as possible about where you are going. When I am going anywhere in this country I Google as much as possible about it.

She might find it helpful to plan things to take with her she is familiar with. If she is worried she will ruin it, perhaps explore why and be open to plans that will give her space when she needs it. Personally when doing difficult things I find it helpful if going somewhere to know what time we are likely to return. I find the more certainty over plans the easier it is, rather than a void of what we might do. I guess going abroad may have some limitations but worth discussing what might help. Do you have plans for what you might do if the plane is late?

I hope some of this might help in your discussions and plans. Finally you may need to be prepared if she really can't manage it to show understanding, but hopefully as she is excited you can work together to make it possible.

Thanks Homebird. If the holiday is causing anxiety, is there anything we can do to help her with it? I asked her how she felt about the holiday and she said she was excited but worried she was going to ruin it for everyone 

Reading Martin's post. When my son was at school, on days he was stressed he could not get his trousers on as there would be an issue with them. Personally I definitely have more issues around sensitivity with clothes at times I am stressed.

I note you are going on holiday next week and wonder if the thought of going away is causing anxiety. 

Thank you Lotus. I wonder whether it is burn out. She has lots of activities - a club each day, which she loves and insists on doing. I am already planning for Monday and Tuesday or next week (first week of holiday) to not really leave the house unless she wants to, so hopefully that will help. 

I know that this is often related to anxiety, but she doesn't seem to be anxious - she's not able to tell me if she is anyway. 

She wears loose fitting pyjamas to bed. At half term she did end up going out one day in the pj bottoms because they were only thing she found comfortable. We've tried SO hard to get loose fitting trousers she likes. I must have purchased about 30 items of (rejected) clothing in the last few months. We managed to find one pair but she now says they are too hot to wear. 

I'm so stressed we won't be able to find anything she's comfortable in before this holiday. 

You say weekends are no better than school days, but are there events she needs to go to every weekend day? As Martin says, it may be anxiety over leaving the house - if she is already overloaded with anxiety, her sensory sensitivities may increase, or It could be that she's burnt out and just needs to rest.

Are there any days when she can just stay in the house, and if so is it just as bad? If she usually goes somewhere every day, maybe you could arrange for next weekend to be two days of staying at home and see if it's any different then? If you do identify that anxiety is causing or exacerbating her sensory issues, you could then look at how to reduce the anxiety and give her breaks to recover.

You say that she has approved the new clothes as comfortable, and you are obviously aware about problems with seams and labels. The NAS guidance includes suggestions to try turning clothes inside out, and to allow the person to do tasks for themselves like washing and dressing.

Does she wear anything to bed, or does she sleep naked? If she has clothing she wears to bed, you could try buying her something similar for daytime - e.g. If she likes pyjamas, maybe she would like soft joggers and a sweatshirt, if she prefers a nightie maybe a dress is better.

I hope things improve soon.

It may not be the clothing that is the root problem. It is possible that it is anxiety about school and social events that is the real problem and that a reluctance to leave the house to go to school is being unconsciously transferred to feelings about clothing. A naked child cannot go out in public, but a clothed one can. The connection between, 'I cannot stand clothing' and, 'without clothing on I cannot be taken out of the house to face a day of social anxiety', once made, could become habitual. With my daughter, it was anxiety that was the problem with getting her to school in the morning. Her anxiety was manifested in very real nausea, abdominal pain and often vomiting.

About 90% of adult autistics report experiencing significant levels of anxiety.

I seem to remember answering a question like this not so long ago, and remember thinking back to what helped (me) because I was oh so fussy and difficult (apparently).  

Laying all the clothes out half-turned open for ease of putting on is a big thing.  For me, unlike other people it seemed, I couldn't bear anything tight fitting, so a size up was preferable.  Used to get very hot & irritable, so it does make sense.  

Socks.  Turn them inside out and mind those infernal seams as you say.  

There may be a time issue in the head - I know I had a good hour's worth of agitation so it might be worth getting up that bit earlier or even adjusting the clock because meltdowns sometimes run their course. 

I won't go directing you to ranges of sensory clothing because they will suit some but not others.  You will end up wasting a load of money.  

Just some brief thoughts.