14 year old boy - High IQ. Bored with everything, including education.

Rico said:

It seems like he has agreed to go to Glasgow with us for the weekend.  We'll be pleased to get him out of this house at least even though he plans just to spend the whole weekend in the apartment there.

He didn't last 24 hours, it seems the trip away has burnt him out even more.  Mum continued the short break on her own.

She's really struggling.  Trying to think of a way for our son to accept the help that he needs (but doesn't know that he needs)

I'll continue scanning for ideas..

Yes, I can get this. Thanks.

Odd for me though when he bullies us, although I'm getting used to it. 

It's his Mum I'm worried about.  She's really struggling.

I'd be better at encouraging a routine, if I was arround all the time.

He used to send me e-mails offshore but now he doesn't bother.

His brother, who's at university now, seemed to get by without me but it seems he is neurotypical (with a few scars from Covid)

Thanks for your reply.

He didn't do homework, prefering to do it in school.  He just kept telling us it was boring.

We are absolutely trying to encourage him to find like minded peers and looking forward to the day he meets someone.

It seems like he has agreed to go to Glasgow with us for the weekend.  We'll be pleased to get him out of this house at least even though he plans just to spend the whole weekend in the apartment there.

I think he misses you in his life.

Hi, would it maybe work if the teacher gives your son extra homework or extra tasks at school, something harder than the normal level for everyone. Maybe this was already tried. 
i have good linguistic skills and catch the grammar quickly. My teacher in language courses noticed that and gave me extra tasks during the classes, on higher level and extra homework and I was really happy and motivated to do it. 
Maybe it would help if your son found peers with specific interests, similar to his own? Just suggesting, maybe all these things were already tried. Then sorry. 

Elephants are truly great! 
I’m confident that he’ll find his path. Hopefully he’ll learn to see school as a way to become a scientist or anything else he likes.

I wish you well!

Rico said:

He was interested in science for a while.  Probably still is.  Quantum physics!  Not something they learn at school.

I'm trying to encourage him to get his GCSEs done quickly so he can move on to potentially more interesting stuff. 

No. I know a lot of schools hate the idea of kids studing ahead or studying outside the curiculum. But for smart kids, esspecially autistic smart kids, that's not an option. You'll probably need to feed him non school aproved educational material just to keep him engaged with school.

Rico said:

I absolutely encourage him to experience different social settings but he refuses to try any clubs in or out of school. 

I mean I'm guessing none of those clubs interested him. You should use something he's interested in as a hook. Then if they share an interest with other club memember it's much easier to make friends.

What you may find is if you ask the question 'what is he interested in?' instead of 'what clubs are at school / near us?' you may find something he's up for. The cost is it may be further away. In the next city over maybe, or for older kids. Something like that.

Thanks Emma,

Although he's able to get his exams, he doesn't see the point.  He believes his ideas alone will earn him money.

Sometimes, in the past, he suggested he could work as a scientist. 

He was very interested in elephants for a while.  His Mum has started a collection.

I thought the online courses could help accelerate his learning experience towards a level that is less boring for him. 

Perhaps they'll still play a part.  We'll have to wait it out and see.

Thanks Peter,

He was interested in science for a while.  Probably still is.  Quantum physics!  Not something they learn at school.

I'm trying to encourage him to get his GCSEs done quickly so he can move on to potentially more interesting stuff. 

Seems autistic burnout may have stopped play for now though.  (Apparently there's a possibility he may just be mentally ill, or both - we're waiting on feedback from the GP on this)

I absolutely encourage him to experience different social settings but he refuses to try any clubs in or out of school. 

Does he have any ambitions for his future? Honestly, the outlook on only being able to perform a job in my field of special interest through engaging in higher education is the only thing keeping me going right now (I’ll graduate from a German Gymnasium this year). School is (for the most part) quite boring for me, but having a goal certainly helps. This might also be a starting point for him to look into possible careers. He will eventually have and want to make his own money, so thinking about jobs (maybe in a field he’s really interested in… Game Design? Programming? Etc.) and researching what education he needs for that helps him to see some sense in the endless monotony of school.

I’m aware that it’s probably not that easy though. I wish you and your son well!

Autistic kids often don't get on well with 'normies.' If there are no weirdos in the class / school to gravitate together then the only hope for a social life might be outside school. And if he's not enthusiastic about that then try tying it to his special interest.

There is a paradox. Parents of autistic kids think "oh my kid is bad at social stuff so I won't expose him to social situations." It's actually the worst aproch to take. Arguably the way to overcome social dificulties is to play a numbers game where you expose them to lots of difrent social settings till they find a group that's far enough outside of the social norm for them to click with.

Also someone who belives themseves to be that difrent must have things they are interested in that others aren't. What I'm saying is he must have a special interest. That's the only real lever you have to get them interested in education. So pull it shamelessly. If hes a sci fi fan? Ok then we're going to talk about the theory blackholes with refrence to sci fi films.

Are they a car nut? Then it's time for a lession on the mecancial engenering of the internal compustion engeon. etc.

Hi MoD,

Shocked to hear that the school is considering expulsion.

Our school have helped try and keep our son in school.  He has always been well behaved at school.  He is very much on the more introverted side of autism and I assume this is much more easily handled.

We're still researching autistic burnout theory as this seems to match quite closely with what we're experiencing.

Our son doesn't bother charging his phone.  He sees no point to it, as he's unintetested in what his peers have to say or in having friends.

We get bullied by removing his Switch (using it as a boundary) at home but more mental bullying than physical assault.

When our son attended school, he was allowed to play on the computer in the library.  It seems that may have been a calming space for him.

I wonder if your daughter's school has an inside space where she can be herself rather than attend lessons she's uninterested in?

We've signed our son up for online learning as a backup (He's uninterested in this so far)

Thanks for your reply.  Good luck in getting the help you need.

I'm following your post with interest as I have a similar problem. My 14 year old daughter has ADHD/ASD. 

We manage to get her into her mainstream high school every day but gave reached a point where she will not go in to any lessons except Construction, which she enjoys. Like your son, she is very bright, but has no aspirations for her future and sees school as a waste of time.

She will hide in toilets or sit in the playground messing with her phone. School want us to take this from her but I know I will be physically assaulted when I try to do this. School are now considering formal expulsion.

Good morning Rico,

Thank you for your post and I am sorry to read what you are experiencing. 

I have had a look through our advice ad guidance pages to see if I can find anything that may be useful to you. You are welcome to explore the advice section but to start may I direct you to the following:

We have advice here about emotional support for family members:

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/after-diagnosis/emotional-support-for-family-members-after-a-diagn

On the link below you can find links to the NAS parent to parents support line which may offer you some further supports from parents experiences similar issues.  

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/family-life-and-relationships/family-life/family-relationships-a-guide-for-parents-and-carer

Although the following link is more focused on school refusal there may be useful information here: 

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/education/attendance-problems/parents

We also have a whole section dedicated to education: 

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/education

With best wishes, 

Anna Mod

He'll play games on his laptop rather than partake in online education. 

We've taken his Switch away as a "boundary".

He'll watch TV. 

He'll stare at the ceiling if he has to.

What does he do? Anything at all? Even if it's video games?